Caption Contest 19: Press Escargot

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER:...and find out why my shadow looks like something found on Easter Island!

 

[jgdst]

Archer: No, no, NO! I said she's DEAD, Mr Sato.

Archer: ...As in not living. YOUR DAUGHTER HAS CEASED TO BE. Archer OUT!

Computer: Launch bay depressurised.
Archer: Thank God for that. Now to tell Mrs Sato her husband won't be coming home...

 

[cooleddie74]

"Talk...

Mute...

Rinse...

Spin...

these new starship commpanels can do EVERYTHING, can't they?"

"Sorry, Mister Sato...I...I really, truly am.

She'll be missed.

I have to go now. We're doing the autopsy on her in ten minutes and the Doctor says she'll be totally nude."

Whenever Captain Archer lost his change in one of the ship's new vending machines, it got ugly.

 

[Alyssa]

Archer: Ahh Mrs Packman, -

-you'll never know the joys you bring me...

....No one will.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Archer to Trip.

Report to the captain's mess...bring that whoopee cushion you showed me."

And...with one final bid and a keystroke...Jonathan Archer became the proud owner of a late 20th century pair of vinyl hot pants.

In space, no one can smell you blast one.

 

[Alrik]

"Avon calling."

"Hmm. 'Single Andorian female seeks a little bit of the pink'. I'm going to really have to thank Trip for showing me this online hook up site."

Once in a while Archer liked to sneak off to a private area of the ship to sing his favorite Britney Spears songs.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Hello...Captain Archer?

This is Sprint Interstellar.

Are you happy with your current long-distance subspace service?"

"This song looks good.

'Faith of the Heart.'

I'm downloading this baby!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

And...with one final bid and a keystroke...Jonathan Archer became the proud owner of a late 20th century pair of assless chaps.

There, I fixed it for you.

 

[Gertch]

Manning the male baby changing station was the most dreaded duty aboard ship.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Archer: "Thank god that computer bank didn't find me. If it had heard what I'd said about it being the wussiest computer bank ever, it'd have killed me."

Computer: "Ahem."

Archer: "It's behind me, isn't it?"

Archer: "Archer to the other Archer. That joke's getting old."

Joke: "Ahem."

Archer: "The joke's behind me, isn't it?"

 

[Alyssa]

^^^
He he he

 

[Gil T.Azell]

"Archer to T'pol, could I see you in my quarters.."
Devil on shoulder: " Go ahead say toppless..."

 

[Triskelion]

Archer to crew. When I said five days' shore leave on Risa I meant the Klingon monastery of Boreth. My bad.

 

[cooleddie74]

"There. Now for once I'll remember where I left my chewed wad of gum."

"The TNZ would be a much better place if these retarded trolls would just keep their distance.


And who the hell is this Baba?!"

Silent...

but shuttle-launching.

 

[Atavachron]

Archer: "I don't know what it's for, but every time I flick this switch some lady with a German accent calls and and says "Stop that!" "


Atavachron

 

[cooleddie74]

"Archer to Trip.

Admiral Gardner just sent me a message. The governor of the state of Alaska's teenage daughter just named her illegitimate baby after you."

Jonathan Archer's epic downfall and humiliation began with the moment he discovered Wordforge.

"The sparks keep me warm!"

 

[cooleddie74]

MINI-DEVIL:"Go on.

Do it!

You know you want to!

'Ship your subcommander!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

"Archer to Trip.

Admiral Gardner just sent me a message. The governor of the state of Alaska's teenage daughter just named her illegitimate baby after you."

TRIP: "I've never met Bristol...er, that girl whose name I do not know!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Archer to Mr. Daniels.

Report to the captain's mess at once.

Bring that funky light-show thingy from your quarters. I'll supply the weed."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: And on a final note, it was my understanding that as Captain of the Enterprise I'd be scoring with hot alien babes on a weekly basis.

Sign that "J. Archer, Captain, NX-01" and send to Starfleet Command ASAP.