Caption Contest 19: Press Escargot

[Alrik]

"Alright. Who's the smart ass that glued my Mp3 player to the wall???"

 

[Mistral]

Trip finally gave up and mounted GPS units all over the ship to keep Archer from getting lost.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

The real reason Enterprise was cancelled.

Archer: "Les Moonves is a goat-f**king dickless squirrel herder! Ha ha ha!"

Crewman: "Uhh sir-"

Archer: "Relax. It's just a prop. It's not a real intercom."

 

[Gertch]

"Why can't these things some with full keypads?"

"Why can't these things some with full keypads?"

"Oh boy. Had to leap into the Captain Crane on the Seaview just as a giant lobster started attacking."

 

[Triskelion]

Attention crew. This is the captain. T'Pol where do you keep the extra toilet paper?

Archer: Iced. Hot. Add milk. Add sugar. Ah, here it is. Butter my muffin.
Hoshi: Hello?

That's every button on the ship. There's no damned ANY key!

 

[Mistral]

The real reason Enterprise was cancelled.

Archer: "Les Moonves is a goat-f**king dickless squirrel herder! Ha ha ha!"

Crewman: "Uhh sir-"

Archer: "Relax. It's just a prop. It's not a real intercom."

Why am I hearing Homer Simpson's voice during that last line?

 

[cooleddie74]

"Everytime I press the white button, I orgasm.

Something is DEFINITELY going right back at the Warp Five Complex design bureau."

"I need a new monitor. I can't see most detail on the Risan porno thumbnails on this thing."

SPACE SKIPPER SCRATCHIN' POSTS

For when your high-ranking kitty has that deep-down itch a compliant first officer can't get to(TM)

 

[cooleddie74]

"This is Jon Ar-cher to MA-CO Tom.

I'm step-ping in the head."

 

[Alyssa]

Archer: Trip, I just got a report from the Maintinence team, seems there having a hard time removing some ... erm ... mysterious substances from the jefries tube in engineering .... something you might know about?


Merry Christmas everybody!

 

[Nebusj]

``See, every time I touch this intercom button the ship's computer giggles. I think the warp field is ticklish.''

Archer gets all excited ordering Chinese take-out until he learns that with them at warp 1.8 it's going to take six years to deliver.

The crew is relieved Archer's started marking his territory by rubbing up against it instead of the other way.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER (thinking): LOGO Network? I wonder what's on that channel?

 

[Triskelion]

Archer to T'Pol.
Go ahead Captain.
How do you spell "Three geezers"?
Why?
And how do you spell "colostemy bag"?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Archer: Archer to bridge, prepare photonic torpedos to blast the other caption contests out of my space! I'm going to win this one.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Archer to God.

It's me...Jonathan. Are you there?

Please.

Kill me."

"I'd like a deep-dish with everything on it.

WAIT.

Hold the anchovies.

If I wanna smell salty fish funk I'll visit my first officer in her quarters during her weird mating cycle."

ENTERPRISE Voice:"There, there, Jonathan.

You're safe and alright now.

Can your Ennexxy make it better?

Turn around...and I'll open the access port for you, baby."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Every time I press the white one...the ship lurches.


Must be the legendary NX-G spot."

 

[LeadHead]

No I don't want to change my long distance carrier...

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Pipe some Barry White up here, I got a date.

 

[cooleddie74]

"There.

Now we'll get incense smells and Enya music while we make out."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Odd.

How do these total strangers KNOW I need to add length and girth to my penis?!"

Warping on Empty


The Jonathan Archer Story

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Dammit Porthos, these were new shoes!!!