Bad Trek Jokes, Part II

Discussion in 'General Trek Discussion' started by Lord Garth, Jun 12, 2018.

  1. Discofan

    Discofan Vice Admiral Commodore

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    What's special about the Enterprise's toilets?

    William Shatner (shat'n'ere)...
     
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  2. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Why didn’t the Vulcan screw in the lightbulb?

    Because his human colleagues would make immature jokes about it for centuries.
     
  3. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Ensign Red Shirt

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  4. SpocksOddSocks

    SpocksOddSocks Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Which Star Trek aliens are guilty of "mansplaining"?


    Tell(h)erittes. ..

    Puts another spin on the term "misogynist pig" as well, I suppose.
     
  5. Discofan

    Discofan Vice Admiral Commodore

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    Ensign Kim has once again changed species... from now on he'll be known as... Kim Cardassian!!!!
     
  6. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Ensign Red Shirt

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  7. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Ensign Red Shirt

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  8. Discofan

    Discofan Vice Admiral Commodore

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    Punchline of one of Quark's jokes:

    "And the Andorian says: That's not my antenna."

    ....It didn't make Morn laugh...
     
  9. C57D

    C57D Commander Red Shirt

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    How many ears has Kirk got?
    Four. His left ear, his right ear, his final front-ear and Scotty his Chief Engine-ear!

    How many Romulans does it take to change a lighting panel?
    One hundred and one. One to change the panel and one hundred to blow up the ship for the disgrace!

    How many Klingons does it take to change a lighting panel?
    Two. One to change the panel and the other to kill him and claim the glory.
     
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  10. Discofan

    Discofan Vice Admiral Commodore

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    How did Leeta learn Oo-mox:

    She played it by ear...
     
  11. Sgt_G

    Sgt_G Commodore Commodore

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    Why did Worf shoot Riker?

    Because Picard ordered "Fire at Will."
     
  12. Gabriel

    Gabriel Captain Captain

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    How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A 2. One to change it the other to yell at the burnt out one for disgracing it self by burning out.
    B none A real Klingon warrior doesn’t fear darkness
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2019
  13. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Ensign Red Shirt

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  14. Discofan

    Discofan Vice Admiral Commodore

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    How do they call a young Ferengi?

    A lobester...
     
  15. Jayson1

    Jayson1 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    What do you call the vacant area of space that Romulus use to be located at?

    Romu-less!


    What do you call a moody teenager using a transporter?

    Someone going through a phase!

    Jason
     
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  16. Discofan

    Discofan Vice Admiral Commodore

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    What did Picard enlist in Starfleet? He decided to take a stab at it.
     
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  17. Sgt_G

    Sgt_G Commodore Commodore

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    Not a Trek joke.....

    Why did King Arthur move to the desert?
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    So he could own a Camel Lot dealership.
     
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  18. Gabriel

    Gabriel Captain Captain

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    May not be a trick joke but trust me it’s bad. Lol
     
  19. SpocksOddSocks

    SpocksOddSocks Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    He certainly treated it very special, what with documenting all his excretions and all...

    Captain's Log, stardate 5147.8...
     
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  20. Tim Thomason

    Tim Thomason Commodore Commodore

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    But we've seen Kirk finishing up his logs in the Captain's chair. Unless... oh my God.

    So, everytime he sits in the chair, he could be performing excretory functions. Maybe not everytime, but when he's making a starlog entry. How is this possible?

    Well, we know, per The Ambergris Element, that the uniforms are composed primarily of xenylon algae. This algae could have odor-eating properties, to make working alongside a defecating officer more plausible. Perhaps the chair and uniform pants communicate with each other on contact to create a necessary opening to remove waste material. Which is then placed within the chair, or recycled via tubing to a spot elsewhere on the ship for reclamation. Body sounds could be masked by the ambient noise of the bridge, with better techniques (and less noise) employed in the 24th century.

    This would apply to not just the Captain's chair, but to all chairs at all stations on the ship. We know from blueprints and such that ships actually do have bathrooms, but this could be for those without easy access to a chaired station and consist mainly of a row of chairs. Main characters never use them, instead relieving themselves during the more tense scenes of the show.

    Now, I know what you're thinking: But women don't wear pants (in TOS)? That makes no difference, as their skirts and pantyhose would be composed of the same xenylon material as all uniforms.

    Now, I know what you're further thinking: This covers defecation, but what of urination? Ahh, there's the key. Short of all officers (and enlisted crew too, I'm using this as a catchall) undergoing catheterization, I think the xenylon might collect all excretions (urine, maybe sweat and even dirt that's picked up) in routine self-cleaning and deposits this at the earliest opportunity.
     
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