VOY Caption Contest 79; Captain's Perogative...

[Ln X]

Thanks to everyone who captioned in the last contest. And now:

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Neelix's cooking is so bad, even his food his afraid:

"The Doctor gave us the prognosis. Apparently, Mr. Neelix, the cheese had a severe reaction to your cooking and will have to be confined to this isolation chamber."

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The dead man walking award goes to:

Chakotay: Dammit, Paris; I thought I told you to keep that betting pool away from the Captain's ears!

Tom: Well you've snagged her already, so what's the point in keeping it a secret? The crew must know by now!

Tuvok: I was not aware that the Captain and the Commander had engaged in a relationship.

Tom: Okay, now everyone knows.

Chakotay: You're a dead man, Paris.

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The extreme dirty dancing award goes to:

"B'Elanna, dirty dancing does not require that degree of commitment. Obviously someone had a good laugh at your expense."

"I'm gonna kill the wabbit!"

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Even a monkey is smarter than Tom award goes to:

Torres: What is it?
Tuvok: It is a Vulcan logic puzzle for infants.
Kim: Ten rations says Tom can't get it done before the end of the week.
Paris: Shut up, Harry.

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The good captain can become a little vain and full of herself at times:

Janeway: "Times Square has nothing on this!"

Crewman: "Should you have really turned an entire planet into a neon COKE ad?"

Janeway: "What's wrong with that?"

Crewman: "Well, for starters, it was inhabited."

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You're a very naughty person Mr. Laser Beam, so naughty you deserve this award!!!

Janeway: Crewman, I think you'll enjoy these vacation photos of Mark and me. Now see here, this position is called "Pruning the Hibiscus"...

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Last, but not least, our photoshop award goes to:

ABED: Hmmm, impressive, but I prefer the Dreamatorium Troy and I have in our apartment.

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So, being a captain must be hard work. But you're the captain, you can do virtually whatever you want... And so this brings us to these pictures:

You know the drill people! Caption hard, caption loads, and if you make me laugh hard enough you may just win.

Let the captioning begin!

 

[Ln X]

Alien dude: We're a peaceful race and-
Janeway: Get the hell off my ship! I want to encounter interesting alien races not bland ones like you!

Janeway: A little lower doctor...
Doctor: All in a day's work you know...

Tuvok: Are you sure this is wise captain boarding a Borg cube?
Janeway: I want to blast something Tuvok! Right now!
B'ellana: She's crazy...

Janeway: For unsatisfactory performance as my yeoman, you will be demoted to the rank of crewmen. And, as further punishment, you'll spend the rest of this voyage scrubbing plasma conduits with your tongue!

Chakotay: I think the captain takes GI Jane a little too far!
Janeway: Oi, tattooed wonder! A little covering fire please!

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Tom, Tom, Tom. You've got to stop reading those message boards.
You aren't nor have you ever been someone called "Nick Locarno".

PARIS: Okay, thanks Captain.

JANEWAY (thinking ): Better call the Doctor, Nick needs a new treatment.

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Thanks for the win

Janeway: *thinking* Ugh, even after two months that poison ivy rash is still driving me nuts.

Alas, with a haunted Borg ship and not a Ghostbuster in sight, the Collective called in the next best thing.

Janeway: I don't care what you heard after hours on the Bridge; there is nothing going on between the Commander and I. Now get out before I demote you.

Paris: The Ready Room walls would say otherwise.

Janeway: Do you want to make that demotion official?

Janeway: Where is that little alien? I'm gonna make 'em pay for messing with my coffee. *Turns corner sharply* Aha, there you are!

Chakotay: Captain, wait! That's Neelix!

Janeway: *has already fired phaser* Oh, shit.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: We've got to pull back, Captain!

JANEWAY: Negative, Commander. We will hold this position till the last drop....er...man!

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: What the hell is wrong with his lip? It wasn't like that when he came on board. Dammit, medical emergency! Doctor! Report to the conference room! 'The gerbil has escaped the cage!'

Doctor: Acknowledged. I'll bring the anti-fungal cream.

Alien: I see no gerbil.

Paris: Gerbil is code for 'terrible reaction to Leola root stew.'

"Clearly this cube has sustained heavy damage. Neither the fog machine or the strobe mechanism are functional."

"Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris. In accordance with Starfleet Regulation 47, I hereby demote you in rank to Ensign. You will report to Ensign Kim... *snicker*... *ahem*... sorry. Ensign Kim will still report to you. But you will be the second lowest rank on the ship. Ensign Kim will still be the lowest."

After that fateful day in the mess hall, Captain Janeway swore that she would use Starfleet's superior weaponry to rid the Delta Quadrant of its Leola root scourge. Starting with the contents of the aeroponics bay.

 

[NAHTMMM]

"Oh, stop staring like that, Torres. Like YOU'VE never . . . appropriated . . . an Ensign's arm when you really needed a backscratcher."

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!-Mistral

Janeway: "How long have you had the hemorrhoids?"

Paris: "Since my third helping of leola root stew."

 

[Mistral]

Janeway: "Doctor, if you aren't going to put it where I need it, you are just useless to me."

Torres: "She's right, y'know. It needs to be lower..."

 

[LeadHead]

Alien: Please don't mind Mozzie, he just wishes I was Neal Caffrey.

Janeway: The holographic touch isn't doing it for me, your turn, B'Elanna.

Janeway: At times like this, I wish Elite Force was canon. The Infinity Modulator weapon that the Borg can't adapt to would come in really handy right now!

Mulgrew: Don't worry Robbie, I'm sure the writers will give you a great episode to earn your rnake me look less like a hypocrite for not doing anything nearly this severe to Chakotay, Tuvok, B'Elanna or Seven when they've committed far worse crimes.

Janeway: THAT'S for getting my order wrong! You terrible Barrista!
Chakotay: *sigh* I'll never be allowed in Starbucks again...

 

[Leviathan]

...as punishment you shall be placed into the brig for 3 months.

In the event of a reactor leak I have instructed the computer to revive you after 3 million years, revive Mr. Kim as a hologram, allow Neelix to evolve safely sealed in the hold, convert 7 into a full mechanoid, and rename the delta flyer to 'Starbug'.

 

[Eydie Munroe]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: Doctor, what the hell are you doing?
Doctor: Looking for your off switch.
Torres: Oh great. He's slipped back into his 'everybody's an android' delusion again...

Torres: What's that music?
Tuvok: I believe that it is called 'The Theme From Jaws'.
Janeway: If you see a big mechanical shark, hit the deck.

Paris: But Captain -
Janeway: I don't give a rat's ass how charming you think you are - I am not going to let you install security cameras in the women's showers, Paris!

Janeway: Dammit Paris! I told you no security cameras in the women's showers!!

 

[Velocity]

Janeway: I'm flushing that Irish village program. Mr. Paris's Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll program is much more stimulating. Tuvok! More cow bell!!

 

[LeadHead]

Alien: Captain, I don't like how Mr. Neelix is looking at me.

Neelix: (thinking) Maybe we could have All you can eat Seafood tonight.

B'Elanna: Captain, I don't think this is appropriate behavior.

Janeway: Why?

B'Elanna: For one thing, this is a mandatory Sexual Harassment Seminar.

Janeway: Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, I charge you with creating the "Fair Haven" Holodeck Program and being the central character in "Threshold." How do you plead?

Paris: Guilty. What's my sentence?

Janeway: Suspended for now. We're still trying to bring in Berman and Braga for TATV. We're dealing with the war crimes first.

Kim: (offscreen) Good morning, Captain. How are y-

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Geez. that costume is straight out of TOS! Did they slash our budget?

 

[Ln X]

This caption contest is closed! Next one right here:

http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=178780