VOY Caption Contest 78; When Duty Calls...

[Ln X]

Thanks to all who captioned, and now:

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B'Elanna: Paint me like one of your French girls.

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B'Elanna: Why are you assimilating the control panel?

Seven: I'm making everyone and everything, including Engineering turn against you.

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TORRES: "I told Harry if he went near my daughter I'd feed him his nuts!"

Klingon: "Here you go."

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B'Elanna: "Look, we've got three hours until the day shift starts. I'll clean the place up, wipe the logs, no-one has to know. B'Elanna's Experimental Gel Pack Enhancer never saw use. Oh, and I'll need to eliminate witnesses, sorry Harry. Computer, beam Ensign Kim into space".

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B'elanna: You may have had kids with the Captain, you may have gotten it together with a woman who tried to frame you for murder, you may have tried to get it on with a 1 year old Ocampa and you may have fallen in love with a ship with a personality disorder, but hell I love you.
Tom: When you put it like that I am going for the wrong women, perhaps I should reconsider marrying you.

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JANEWAY: What are you doing, Tom?

TOM: Heh, when she wakes up she's gonna be in love with me.

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Klingon street mimes tended to have a short life.

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Paris: And then I was voted Most Handsome Man at the New Zealand penal colony.
Torres: Um, Paris...you do realize that it was men that were voting for you, right?

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Moving away from characters and stuff, we have these bunch of pics to be captioned:

This contest will close on the 25th of May! Happy captioning!

 

[Ln X]

Neelix: I can explain!
Tuvok: Explain quick! This cheese is rotting away the safety container!

Tom: Listen tattooed wonder do you have a better idea?

Chakotay: Looking for Par'mach huh Torres?

Tom: (thinking) I wonder if I can flog half this stuff on galactic Ebay...

Janeway: So we're flying right into the heart of a protostar, and if it goes wrong we'll be turned into plasma. Any questions?

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Thanks for the win

Neelix: I knew my sunblock was potent, but I never realized that it registered as radioactive!

Chakotay: Dammit, Paris; I thought I told you to keep that betting pool away from the Captain's ears!

Tom: Well you've snagged her already, so what's the point in keeping it a secret? The crew must know by now!

Tuvok: I was not aware that the Captain and the Commander had engaged in a relationship.

Tom: Okay, now everyone knows.

Chakotay: You're a dead man, Paris.

Chakotay: I would ask about these 'Klingon Mating Rituals', but I see they speak for themselves.

B'Elanna: Is this...

Tom: A Federation sex toy... standard issue it seems too.

Tuvok: According to the packaging, it is also approved by a man known as 'Chuck Norris'.

Janeway: And here is the massive archive of what 21st century people call 'fanfiction'. As you can see I've been matched with almost everyone... Chakotay, Paris, the Doctor, Seven, even Neelix on the rare occasion.

*Telfer is silent*

Janeway: Don't worry, Mr. Telfer, I'm sure that you'll be the subject of several of these 'fanfictions' once this episode airs.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Neelix: I'm so sorry about this.

B'Elanna: 238 meals I've been waiting for you to say that.

Paris: Really? You thought "Unforgettable" was a good idea?

Chakotay: I'm sorry you lost, but on the upside we finally found out what would happen if you and Seven wrestled in mud.

Tom: (thinking) Crap, that's another thank you card I have to write.

Janeway: The Away Team will consist of myself, Tuvok, Seven, The Doctor and you. We'll be carrying Phasers, you should make sure you bring your pea shooter.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TUVOK: For the last time. Kryptonians are not real.

CHAKOTAY:I thought it was time we men got together for some man talk.

PARIS: What about Harry?

CHAKOTAY: What about him?

CHAKOTAY: Thanks for dismantling that shuttle, but it turns out it
was just one of Naomi's toys making the squeak the Captain was
hearing.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"The Doctor gave us the prognosis. Apparently, Mr. Neelix, the cheese had a severe reaction to your cooking and will have to be confined to this isolation chamber."

"With all due respect, Commander, you're wrong. It was Dan Marino that advertised these Isotoner gloves. Not John Elway."

"B'Elanna, when I said you needed to put a little 'elbow grease' into your work, this isn't what I had in mind."

"Not to worry, Crewman, I've flown hundreds of missions such as these, and usually only about one or two non-senior staffers get killed per mission. That gives you about a 50% chance of survival. Better get some rest! We depart at 0800!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway: Crewman, I think you'll enjoy these vacation photos of Mark and me. Now see here, this position is called "Pruning the Hibiscus"...

 

[47]

"Mister Neelix, the warp drive is not a freezer for your plomeek sherbet. Besides, that is disgusting!"

"Sorry Chakotay, you lose. Now go clean up your mess in the toilet. It's the only one we have."

"B'Elanna, dirty dancing does not require that degree of commitment. Obviously someone had a good laugh at your expense."

"I'm gonna kill the wabbit!"

"So you see, we place you in a modified torpedo and shoot you through that one-meter wide wormhole. If it ends up in the Alpha Quadrant and you survive, you just have to contact Starfleet! It couldn't be easier!"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Thanks for the win.

CHAKOTAY: "So you're a bit of a dirty girl after all, we'll talk later, for now clean up and report to the ready room in 1 hr."

Janeway: "Behold the magic of Nelix"
Crewman "Qu'vatlh!"
Janeway: "Hey you're in the presence of a lady"
Crewman "Sorry its just so pathetic"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

[

Neelix: What's in that sample container, Mr. Vulcan?

Tuvok: Your dignity.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Then, as the welcome home parade winds through San Francisco, I'll be waving like this.

CREWMAN: Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?

 

[Mistral]

Janeway: "Times Square has nothing on this!"

Crewman: "Should you have really turned an entire planet into a neon COKE ad?"

Janeway: "What's wrong with that?"

Crewman: "Well, for starters, it was inhabited."

 

[LeadHead]

Janeway: "Times Square has nothing on this!"

Crewman: "Should you have really turned an entire planet into a neon COKE ad?"

Janeway: "What's wrong with that?"

Crewman: Well, for starters the planet is named Pepsi IV.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Neelix: Well, it's ice cream, but I'm still not sure if it's mint or lime.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway: "Times Square has nothing on this!"

Crewman: "Should you have really turned an entire planet into a neon COKE ad?"

Janeway: "What's wrong with that?"

Crewman: "Well, for starters, it was New Coke."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ABED: Hmmm, impressive, but I prefer the Dreamatorium Troy and I have in our apartment.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Provider: (in jar) Two thousand quatloos on the one with the pointed ears!

 

[Finn]

Chakotay: Mud Wrestling on the holodeck?

Torres: No...Tom's sandbox holoprogram. It started raining.

 

[Eydie Munroe]

Thanks for the win!

Neelix: So you mean to tell me that this little lump will feed the entire crew for the next three hundred years?
Tuvok: Affirmative.
Neelix: But what am I supposed to do with the 15 tons of leola root that we have in storage?
Torres: You get to eat it all.
Neelix: Hooray!
Torres: I told you he was nuts, Tuvok.
Tuvok: Your logic is flawless, Lieutenant

Paris: Chakotay, tell the truth.
Chakotay: Fine. I told the captain.
Paris: You idiot. How are we supposed to sneak out to visit the intergalactic porn store if you keep telling her where we're going?!?

Chakotay: No offense B'Elanna, but you stink.
Torres: You try crawling through a sewer pipe to escape a Bolian prison and see how sweet you smell.

Torres: What is it?
Tuvok: It is a Vulcan logic puzzle for infants.
Kim: Ten rations says Tom can't get it done before the end of the week.
Paris: Shut up, Harry.

Janeway: What do you mean, you can't see him? He's right there!
Telfer: I'm sorry Captain, I don't see him!
Janeway: I'm telling you, it's Waldo - he's right there!

 

[Ln X]

This caption contest is closed! New one coming up shortly!

New one right here: http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?p=6396754#post6396754