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Voyager Caption Contest #49: Do I Get a Toaster With That?

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Yeoman Randi

Vice Admiral
Admiral
Greetings Fellow Voyagers! It's time to dust off the old contest and beam in the new.... so, let's bring on da winnas!


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So this is what happens when ratings go down:

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Most critics agreed; the Donny and Marie Christmas specials had gone quite avant garde in latter years.


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I suggest you hurry to the phone....they're going fast!



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Never one to give up when challenged, here Harry just...wants ...to play a different game.....yeah....that's right! That's right!

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Tuvok: "Tesseract to x34, y49, z6."

Kim: "So... wanna play Scrabble instead?"


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Is it too late for presents?

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Captains Log: WORST BIRTHDAY EVER.


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Clearly this guy has Janeway over a barrel:

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R'Mor: I have the coffee. If you ever want to see it again, give me your credit cards and lunch money.
Janeway: We have no choice, we have to give him what he wants!


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The Morning Cawfee Spew award goes to this entry which explains why I'll never use a Swedish dentist:


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Janeway: "If this is the way you do a cleaning, I'd hate to find out what your root canal is like."


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And special recognition goes to this entry which made it imperative that a new award.... the "As the World Turns Award" be instituted:


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R'Mor: Captain Janeway, would that be Tuvok, son of T'Meni?

Janeway: Tuvok, you have met Doctor R'Mor?

Tuvok: Telek R'Mor was a Romulan diplomat I met while serving aboard the Excelsior.

R'Mor (lifting the EP-5000): And I have never forgotten! I still remember how we lay for hours, and indulged each other's fantasies with this.

Paris whistles. Everyone looks at Tuvok who starts to fidget.

R'Mor: But then you left. You returned to Vulcan to study the Kolinahr. To mend my broken heart I stopped socializing and threw myself into science. Then, I secluded myself on the fringes of Romulan space. But I still keep our '5000 with me always!

Chakotay: Sounds like a certain chief of security might have some explaining to do.

Janeway: I very much agree. Tuvok, I'll see you in my quarters tonight at 23:30. In the meantime, I'll be in sickbay, getting ready! Thank you, Doctor R'Mor. Please continue with my first officer, Commander Chakotay.

Janeway hurriedly departs. Everyone is still staring at Tuvok.

Tuvok: At the time it seemed the logical thing to do.

R'Mor: Logical, my ass!

Everyone including R'Mor laughs at the double entendre, except Tuvok who sulks. Voyager warps off into space. The end.


Congratulations to da WINNAS and many thanks to everyone who played, you all R.O.C.K!


And now, dim the lights as the curtain goes up on the following just waiting to be captioned~

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As always, I'll let this brew for two weeks. Until then, have fun, set a course for home and .....engage!
 
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Jennifer Lien - Wait, why does the baby get to wear more clothing than me? What next, you'll have me wearing a friggin' cat suit! You'll have to replace me before that ever happens!

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Michael McKean - Here I am on Star Trek Voyager in clown makeup and a wooly one-sie, and yet you still look more ashamed than me. How is that?

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Vulcan threesome

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Tom - Stop it Be'lanna, I thought you were just joking about the Klingon dandruff wedding ritual.
 
Thanks for the win! :bolian:


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Baby: I don't think you're going to be on this show for much longer...


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Kim: I never thought I'd say this: I'll take Neelix over you!


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Tuvok: Fascinating. I expected between the two of you we'd have one complete mind.


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Tom: Hey, there's Soy sauce in this rice!


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Doctor: Hmmmmm...... I'm detecting traces of Klingon DNA, it matches a Captain Kurn. Can you explain that.
 
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From the Voyager episode "Let That Be Another Last Battlefield":
Alien: "Are you blind, Ensign Kim? Look at me! I have a purplish triangle on my forehead, a purplish lower lip and jaw, and a purplish vertical line on each cheek! Loki has a white triangle on his forehead, a white lower lip..."
Kim: "Zzzzzzzzz..."


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Tuvok: "My mind to your minds. My thoughts to your thoughts. Captain Janeway's fondness for holodeck sexual hijinks to 7 of 9's mind... No, no, that's unethical. I shouldn't do that."


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Crewman: "By the way, we were out of rice. Those are nanites! Try not to inhale any!"


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Doctor: "Just let that elbow rest for a few days and it should be good as new. I'd recommend staying away from the holo-porn for a while, though."


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Crewman (OS): "But...but...we only had one date! Last week!"
Kes: "We Ocampans have a very short and very accelerated life cycle. My lawyers will be in touch."
 
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Clown: I hate to gloat, but...I'm married to Annette O'Toole.


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Tuvok: I'm crushing your heads...I'm crushing your heads!!


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Guy in background: I call sloppy seconds.
Girl next to him: B'Elanna's more than you can handle.
Guy: I wasn't talking about B'Elanna.


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Doctor: I know you're a Hirogen Alpha, but perhaps you should first consult the medical database. We have extensive records regarding how a handjob is done.


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Baby: Why is Mommy a bobblehead doll? And how am I supposed to nurse with THOSE?!?
 
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Torres to Tuvok (who is off screen): Rice Tuvok! I said rice......NOT LICE!!!!!!
DAMN his Vulcan hearing!!!!!
 
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CLOWN: No Harry, this isn't dream....and you can call me "Pennywise".

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It took all of Tukok's Vulcan control not to pull a "Moe Howard" at this moment.

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GUY IN BACK: Does this mean they're leaving the ship?

OTHER GUY: No.

GUY IN BACK: Then why are we celebrating?


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EMH: Where are we going?

HIROGIN: Planet 10!

EMH: When?

HIROGEN: Real soon!

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BABY: You do something different with your hair?
 
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Neelix (O.S.): Now Kes, I think I've waited long enough! I'd really like to see our child now!

Kes: Just a minute! Doctor, isn't there anything you can do to make my baby look more Talaxian?

EMH: I'm a doctor, not a make-up artist.
 
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10 years later...

Agent: "Hi Garrett, Chris Nolan is doing this movie called Inception. It's gonna hit big. He wants you to star as this guy named Cobb. You don't even have to audition. It's about dreams..."

Garrett: "Hell no! What did I tell you about dream scripts. You're fired!"
 
Thanks for the win :)
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Kes to Nelix, "Ok get back on the phone to Angelina and tell her Maddona has upped her bid two grand and is throwing in toaster oven to sweeten the deal"
 
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Kes: And you're going to have a long, long life.

Computer: 9 year countdown: beginning now.

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Morris Fletcher: So then Mulder and Scully ran off and somehow stopped being hunted by the shadow government forces to buy a house in the middle of nowhere. Then when some strange Missing Persons case came up and the FBI actually wanted them back to help...

Kim: You're obviously lying, that makes no sense whatsoever.

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Tuvok: Pog Tem Far Putonay. You will promote Tuvok to Captain of Voyager and wait on me hand and foot for the rest of my life...

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Paris: Oh crap, I forgot to sign the marriage license!

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Doctor: Now, touch your elbow.

Tuvok: I am sorry, but he did not say "Simon Says."
 
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Clown: Soooooo? What was your favorite 20th century sitcom?

Kim (bored and annoyed): [heavy sigh] Lavern & Shirley....
 
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Kes: Hey wait! Why are you leaving me in this Time/Space Anomaly with a Borg Baby? Come back!
 
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In Voyager's weekly "Guess where my hands have been?" competition, Seven of Nine won with her entry, "making Plomeek soup?"
 
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