Blue chicks are hard to find.
I Want to Get Married
- Thread starter BolianAuthor
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Right. I was just responding to how the op said he wanted to have someone to love him. But yeah.
I really think you need to look for older women. The no kids thing is going to kill it for the majority of women. The chance that Eliza would never want to have kids is actually very small. Unless you are hooking up with someone via a child-free socializing group or site you are really setting yourself up for a huge problem--how much would if suck if someone says yes to your overtures and you are on cloud 9 about it and then you realize they are not committed to being child free?
How financially stable are you? A woman in her 40's is not going to look twice at you if you don't have something to show for not having a family to support all these years, as in own your own house at the least. If you don't have anything to be embarrassed about (ie, you do not live in your mom's basement) on that front you actually have an advantage with someone older than you just by being appealingly younger.
How financially stable are you? A woman in her 40's is not going to look twice at you if you don't have something to show for not having a family to support all these years, as in own your own house at the least. If you don't have anything to be embarrassed about (ie, you do not live in your mom's basement) on that front you actually have an advantage with someone older than you just by being appealingly younger.
My advice....just hope she not a lesbian. Bi fine, but of she's a lesbian, you're boned.
She certainly wouldn't be.
Whoa there, Tora, that there advice is a flagrant violation of my Prime Directive of Dating Females: leaving the woman to contact the man is extremely dicey.
That said, I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea of asking out women while they're on the clock to serve you (the customer). I did it once, a long time ago, and it just felt kinda gross.
That's a very good point. However if you wait until after work and approach her in the carpark you look like a stalker.
Only if she's not that into him. Otherwise, she'll be ringing him before the day is out, I know I would.
You are generalising, and so am I, it's fun to do, but you never really know how an individual will react.
How do men feel about women handing over their card? Is it a "dear god, thank you" moment, or does it take the fun out? That is, assuming you were interested in the woman in the first place. Actually, I think I'll start a topic about this!
I know, it's a no-win scenario; IMO, therefore, the only winning move is not to play. If a cute working girl gives you a smile, appreciate that bit of good cheer and move on with your life.
Obviously, exceptions are granted if it's mutual love/lust at first sight and/or she makes the first move. But for everyday purposes, I advise against it. Flirt shamelessly with women at parties, parks, etc. instead.
True, but in my experience/estimation, lots more women will accept a date offer than be so proactive as to make a first/early move of the sort we're discussing. We may have to agree to disagree here, but that's my $.02.
Well, the thing that gets me, as I was telling a friend earlier, is that an 800-lb man had a wife, and I don't... one that he met on MySpace of all things, where one can assume there was little to no effort involved... it seemed pretty easy for him... and here was a guy confined to a damn recliner, beyond morbidly obese, did not lead an active lifestyle, nor was he very socially active, outside from the computer he had...
So I just kind of have to wonder... am I THAT ugly, and what about me is SO repulsive to women? I mean, I smile at women when I see them, I am polite, and open doors for them and stuff, I go out with my friends a lot, so I am exposed to people, and have basic social skills, and I at least walk a lot, so I'm somewhat active... more so than being 800 lbs and confined to a recliner!
So I can't help but feel like crap, because I can't figure out what is so ugly about me, that nobody seems to want me.
So I just kind of have to wonder... am I THAT ugly, and what about me is SO repulsive to women? I mean, I smile at women when I see them, I am polite, and open doors for them and stuff, I go out with my friends a lot, so I am exposed to people, and have basic social skills, and I at least walk a lot, so I'm somewhat active... more so than being 800 lbs and confined to a recliner!
So I can't help but feel like crap, because I can't figure out what is so ugly about me, that nobody seems to want me.
Just for future reference, there's a way to find out if she's in a relationship relatively smoothly. If you're in an extended conversation, casually say, "that's a very nice ring/earrings/necklace." If she's already spoken for, odds are that he (or she) got it for her, and she'll tell you. And if she's not interested, it gives her a polite way to say, "I'm not interested" without actually saying it.
Almost anyone can get married. Someone made a crack earlier about getting a Russian bride online, I believe it was. You can marry someone because they want your citizenship, or your money, or any number of things. Did the 800-lb person marry another obese individual? Would you? Would you marry an 800-lb person you met online?
What I'm trying to say is that marriage in itself is not the great obstacle for many people. It's finding the specific type of marriage that you want.
Also, try not to put other people down just because you're going through a bad time. I get that you're lonely but it's really a bad move.
What I'm trying to say is that marriage in itself is not the great obstacle for many people. It's finding the specific type of marriage that you want.
Also, try not to put other people down just because you're going through a bad time. I get that you're lonely but it's really a bad move.
Well, I know it sounded that way, because yeah, I'm upset, but I mean really... I can't help but wonder that there IS something wrong with me in that situation, because if anything... how attentive could he be to the needs of his wife? I mean, I'm sure he had limiting factors. And IDK if his wife was obese or not.
I would marry a big person... I really don't care about how small or big they are, as long as they'd be willing to love me back. But my point was when someone in such a limiting situation can get so far, and someone like me can't even get a woman to talk to me or something... I mean, I'm sorry, but it makes me feel like shit, lol.
And it sure seems to be a big obstacle for me.
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Plus, I don't have the money for a mail order bride... 
I gotta agree with Finn here, your language is sending up red flags. It's true that you must love (or at the very least be comfortable with) yourself before a gal can love you.
If someone superficially less attractive than you is doing better with women, chances are it's a confidence thing - they've got proportionately more of it than you.
And frankly, you've got a confidence problem. To wit:
She showed clear signs of interest, and you only barely noticed, and still use terms like "go for broke" even though it's obvious from the above that you had a very good chance with her.
You've got to be more proactive than this, hombre. It's all well and good to say you want a relationship, but you know what comes before that? Dates. Sometimes-awkward introductions. Sex. Etc. Do you want all that; do you have the confidence (Three Steps) to pursue it? If so, you've received excellent advice upthread. If not, time to get serious, because while you may wake up one day with a true love by your side, you've got to make backup arrangements.
You're also using depressive language; if you sense that you may be clinically depressed, and eating and exercising well doesn't help, consider professional help.
I'm rooting for you, dude, but the time for moaning has passed.
^
I agree, and I apologize for my overly-depressive tone... I know I should be more upbeat, but it's just hard, because the fact is rejection hurts, lol. But I'll try to tone it down.
With the second GF I had who was a customer... you are correct... I could have made a move earlier on, but back then, I didn't have anywhere near the confidence in my own self-image that I do now... I was REALLY shy back then, and what's more, I wasn't that good at reading "signals" that people put out.
Though I guess I'm still not... lol
I agree, and I apologize for my overly-depressive tone... I know I should be more upbeat, but it's just hard, because the fact is rejection hurts, lol. But I'll try to tone it down.
With the second GF I had who was a customer... you are correct... I could have made a move earlier on, but back then, I didn't have anywhere near the confidence in my own self-image that I do now... I was REALLY shy back then, and what's more, I wasn't that good at reading "signals" that people put out.
Though I guess I'm still not... lol
Not getting a stranger who served you in a store to go out with you is not rejection, an obstacle or a reflection on you. Plenty of people would just say "No" to being asked in that situation regardless of what they thought of you on first impression.
And this..
Come on, what are you actually DOING to expand your social options? Talking to complete strangers in stores is not expanding your social options. Bars are just dumb, if you don't love hanging out in them in the first place forget about it. There are suggestions about hiking clubs and whatnot.. at this point just research social activities in your area and pick a few that seem at least a bit interesting, fill your week with them. Like, go out at least 3 nights a week or Saturdays etc.. to social club type thing. Certainly cheaper than bars.
Yeah, all this O NOES TEH DRAMA is getting ridiculous.
Maybe it's because you whine and wallow in self-pity? Or maybe because you think you deserve to be loved, and you deserve it more than others because you are superficially more attractive? Sorry to be harsh, but that's what the vibe your posts are sending.
I share your discomfort. My suggesting that he give her his number was a compromise between the setting and his enthusiasm. And, of course, I was unaware of your Prime Directive of Dating Females. I would never knowingly recommend that someone violate the Prime Directive!
By the way, I had a guy give me his number once w/o asking for mine. I think he was quite shocked that I actually called.
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