Voyager Caption Contest #37 Awkward Moments...

[Yeoman Randi]

Hello fellow Drones! It's time for another Voyager Caption Contest! But first, a walk down memory lane with da winnas!

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First prize is awarded for recognizing a dog when they see one (and by dog i don't mean Alice herself):

Paris: Man, I'll never be promoted back to Lieutenant if these are the episodes I get.

Next win is for having more fashion sense than i do......

Paris: "I can't even look. Who wears skittles after labor day?"

Next we have this entry which proves that in some cases, money IS everything!

Woman: "That's right, Mr. Big-Spending Spaceman, this is a high-class brothel! And if that's all you're willing to spend, this is what you get: 'the Skinny Girl with the Stringy Hair'!"
Man: "Here's the legs."

And for explaining the age old mystery of why Captain Janeway loves her coffee so much:

Neelix: Would you like to try my new 'special' coffee Captain?

Janeway: What did you add that makes it 'special'?

Neelix: Vodka

Janeway: ...more please!

And last but not least, the special spew award goes to a most excellent tag team entry, which was funny all on it's own ...but then the added Monty Python reference took it above and beyond:

Chakotay: "Behold: the Plot Device!"

Tuvok: It's only a model.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WINNERS and a big THANK YOU to all who played!

And now without further ado.....for your captioning pleasure we have the following:

As in the past, i will run this for two weeks but i will be changing the new caption day from Saturdays to Fridays....

until then.....have fun....set a course for home and..... engage!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Chakotay: "I'm looking for two girls to go with this cup..."

Janeway: "So tell me, just where on that get-up do I slip the c-note? Worst pole dance ever!"

Janeway: "Congratulations, Harry. I'm promoting you to Ensign."
Kim: "But I already am an Ensign. I've been an Ensign for the last 40 years."
Janeway: "You are? Oh well, forget about it."

Man: "Let us meditate... calm our minds... that's it... let you eyelids close... and ponder on the meaning of the Holy words of the grand prophet... Mahmoud Ahmedinajad..."

Janeway: "Airlock! Now!"

B'Elanna: "Oh no... I'm trapped in an Ally McBeal metaphor!"

 

[LeadHead]

Dalby: We're giving Chell the cold shoulder.

Chakotay: Why?

Dalby: He gets to be in the Elite Force game and we don't.

Changing back and forth between Susanna Thompson and Alice Krige was painful for the Borg Queen.

Janeway: I was hoping that one of my senior officers like Tuvok or Paris would see me off. But I'll settle for you. BIG HUG!

Cleric: And now we begin the holy cleansing ritual to erase the stench of "Fair Haven," "Spirit Folk" and "Tsunkatse."

B'Elanna: Computer, are you sure the calculations are correct?

Computer: Affirmative.

B'Elanna: Then it's true, I do have the self control of an infant.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

And SLASH fans everywhere just threw up a little in their mouths.

"Pole Dancing Borg Queen Barbie" languished on the shelves of Toys R Us.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Yeoman Randi!

Chakotay: "You know what I hate? Pudgy, blue, bald guys with silly ridges running down the middle of their faces! ... Ohhhhhhhh, there's one standing behind me right now, isn't there."

Borg: "I just had a flashback to my former, pre-Borg life! It was a horrible, exploited existence! But the tips were really good!"

Judge #1 (OS): "...And the prize for best costume, for his marvelous Mummy outfit, goes to--"
Judge #2 (OS): "Mummy outfit?! I thought he was supposed to be Mother Teresa!"

 

[Subcommander R.]

Worst. Strip club. ever.

 

[Captain Crow]

Janeway: I never liked you Harry.

[Janeway knees Harry in the nuts then walks off]

 

[Admiral Shran]

 

[Admiral Shran]

Janeway: You might want to look out that window Harry. Son, this is what happens WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!

 

[Isis]

When Activia yogurt was pulled off the market, Jamie Lee Curtis had to find another way to make ends meet.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: Hell of an adventure, Captain. Glad you and Harry made it through

CHELL: You're at the wrong table again , Commander.

JANEWAY: You'll never get far in this biz unless you learn how to work that pole!

BORG: The pole is irrelevent!

JANEWAY: True, but don't tell the men!

JANEWAY: Nope, still not that hard up.

TOM: And for you skeptics...may I introduce my friend, the Crown Prince of Nigeria!

B'ELAANA: Sorry, I dont know any "HALS"

 

[Mr. Adventure]

"We have come to trade with you, this is our latest music technology, you use a laser to extr..."
"We've had iPods for 400 years."
"How about the Snuggie? We're still perfecting it but it does keep you very warm."

"Hey, Federation, it's great you no longer use money, now get the fuck out of the front row!"

 

[Mistral]

Prophet: "Inscribed on this disc is the combined wisdom of our people."

Paris: "Ah, your version of the Bible!"

Prophet: "No, actually, it's the collected writings of Jon Stewart."

 

[milo bloom]

Thanks for the win, though it was such a cheap shot

I'll let these other pictures percolate in my brain for a while before taking a stab at them.

 

[Candlelight]

Maquis crewmember: "'She's the captain... for now'. You should've said the 'for now' part at the end of Caretaker. It would've been cooler-"
Chakotay: "And then what? Attempt a mutiny in the season finale instead of dealing with you losers? Where's the heightened tension there??"

Where will you be when diarrhoea strikes?

Kim: "I finally made captain! It's the greatest feeling in the world! I feel like-"
Admiral Janeway: "I'm busting you back down to ensign."
Kim: "Thank Christ, I didn't like it up here anyway."

Elosha: "Are we still hunting the 13th tribe on a planet known as Earth?"
Tom: "Wrong franchise"

B'Elanna: "Right, I'll just add some borg implants and we'll be all set to annoy the fans again."

 

[Finn]

Across the soundstage, in the bridge set, the rest of the main cast are laughing about how Beltran hasn't noticed that they stopped filming in the mess hall for the day.

It's something I learned from Seven. Something about a holodeck program Tom Paris wrote.

Damn it! Computer, please add a diaper to the baby

 

[LeadHead]

Dalby: There's the Starfleet way and there's the Maquis way.

Chakotay: I punched that up into Google maps and Starfleet Way and Maquis Way don't ever cross.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Ensign, you just fell for one of the classic blunders. The most famous is "never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Native American when death is on the line!!!"

 

[Isis]

Crewman on right: "Before you do that shot, turn around and look at the last guy that drank that stuff."

Janeway: "Harry, why does it always feel like it takes forever to explain things to you?"

If Tom Paris would have held on just a few minutes longer, he would have won the "I Can Go the Longest Without Sleep in the Delta Quadrant" trophy.

 

[Rat Boy]

Chakotay: "You idiot, Chell; these are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!"

Janeway: "Was it something you assimilated?"

Borg Queen: "No, I just watched 'These Are The Voyages.'"

Janeway: "My God...they promoted you! I'm going to have the head of whoever did this!"

Cleric: "Hold on; need to tweet this."

Torres: "Ah crap, my life's turning into an episode of Ally McBeal."