Voyager Caption Contest #36: Um...what?

[Isis]

Paris: "Where's mall security when you need them? Next time, I'd better be more careful about writing down the row number where I park my shuttlecraft."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: You were right,, Captain. The entire culture is based on a German flag left behind by a first contact crew over 100 years ago!

 

[Alienesse]

Neelix: "Captain, this is your fifth cup of coffee for today. I would advise you against it. Perhaps you'd ..."
Janeway: "All right, Neelix. Just shut up and pour!" *to herself* "Annoying little fuzzball..."

Woman: "Here, Doctor, you wanted a taste of the real life."
Doctor: "Er... that's not exactly what I had in mind..."

 

[JB2005]

Tuvok: How best to describe Mr Kim's ejaculate?

Scotty (off screen): it's green!

 

[Rett Mikhal]

"Do you like my Tom Paris puppet? Guess why my hand is."

Paris: "I can't even look. Who wears skittles after labor day?"

B'Ellana: "I think it looks like a bunny rabbit."
Chakotay: "I see an eagle."
Kim: "I see a girl with a nice personality."
Tuvok: "You are both illogical. It is clearly a bunny rabbit."

Doctor: "Wait, my handicap is using a mop? I'm a Doctor, not a Tin Cup."

Neelix: "After coffee, want to play with my Stretch Armstrong doll?"
Janeway: "Awww his arms stretch out to next week!"

 

[KimMH]

Tom Paris personal log: supplemental entry; I fear the consequences landing on planet Candycornica will have on my diet . . .

 

[LeadHead]

Paris: Man, I'll never be promoted back to Lieutenant if these are the episodes I get.

 

[Alienesse]

Tuvok: How best to describe Mr Kim's ejaculate?

Scotty (off screen): it's green!

Brilliant!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: So, Mr Kim. You and Lt Paris spent valuable time and resources building a "lightsaber" because you saw it in frakking movie????!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mistral]

Ensign Kim demonstrates the proper use of a diaphragm.

 

[Vurok]

Alice: Are you aware that your buttons look like a face?
Paris: So THAT's why everyone has been laughing at me.

Paris: Boy... I'm never going to borrow Chakotay's peyote again...

After seven years on a starship, even vaguely suggestive laser beams made the Voyager crew drift off into fantasy.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Chakotay: "Well, I'll be damned, Harry's right! You can light a fart with a simple open flame, but not with an energy beam, no matter how powerful!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Chakotay: This nipple should be big enough to call Tokyo and get us home.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIM: Those funny space jellyfish make for great targets.

CHAKOTAY: Yeah, what's the worst that could happen.

 

[Alrik]

Alice: "Oh my Gawd! Would you look at that size of that thing?"
Paris: "Great. I'm so not getting layed now."

Paris: "You got me covered up there? Alright, here we go. FASHION POLICE! Stop where you are and put your hands in the air."

Harry: "Ooow, pretty lights."

Tuvok. "Out. Now."

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Paris: And i swore i'd never go to the mall on Christmas Eve.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Alice: Tom, isn't it beautiful! My own vintage hair from 1976!!

Tom: These diamonds are drilling into my flesh.

 

[LeadHead]

Kim: Using this Portal, Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris will be able to return.

Chakotay: But it's not big enough for even one of them!

Tuvok: The Doctor had prepared Jars for their heads based on the Futurama television series.

 

[Finn]

Janeway: What's wrong?
Paris: "I can't find her. I think Bitsy's up there in the rafters."

Hey Cowboy, gimme me a hand, will you?

Janeway: *yawn*
Neelix: Not strong enough, Captain?
Janeway: Sorry. Chakotay was telling a story about his childhood when I was on the bridge ten minutes ago.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Paris: "What d'ya know? Nimoy's bike!"

Hustler: "Them's the rules, loser wipes up the vomit in the student bar."
EMH: "If I wanted to clean up bodily fluids, I could have stayed in sickbay."

Neelix: "This was invented on Earth in the last days of the 20th Century..."
Janeway: "What, coffee, don't be silly!"
Neelix: "No, bullet time."