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The New Dax - Cooperative Writing DISCUSSION

^ damn, you're good. :techman:

and Jack Donovan is fine with me. So is Mr. Schreiber.

mostly just practice.. but i'll post it anyway.
USS Trafalgar
Deck One, Main Bridge

Finished with the incredibly dry status report about the new modifications to the deflector, Donovan reached for his combadge. With a quick tap he opened a channel to the captain. Still hoping for him to rethink his choice of XO. Mostly because Donovan was going report directly to the man. The ship and the crew was, in this case, a second priority. “Sir, you told me to inform you when we departed. We are undocking as we speak.”

Very well, Lieutenant. I’m on my way. Valon out,” came the Captain’s half tired, half annoyed reply through the comm. Exactly two minutes later, the Vulcan stepped onto the bridge.

Donovan relinquished the center seat in a heartbeat and returned to his OPS position. “Systems are green. Current speed, full impulse. Warp speed on you command, Captain.” Donovan said turning back towards Valon.

Valon nodded. “Excellent. Set course to Cardassia Prime. Warp eight. Engage.”

“Aye aye, Warp eight.” Lieutenant Andrew Davis replied bitterly from the helm. “Warp…” he muttered under his breath. “We just got a new slipstream drive and we don’t use it. Unbelievable…”

Blaming it on new-toy-itis, Valon completely disregarded the helmsman’s bitter tone. He got up and nodded to Donovan. “Ready room. Now.” He said. Donovan rushed after him momentarily as a relief officer replaced him.

Taking a seat in the couch as instructed, Donovan spoke up. “So, Captain. Was he a no-show?”

Valon took his cup of Raktajino from the replicator and sat down. “Well…” he scratched his head. “He’s here alright. That’s why I asked you in here. You might want to meet the man.”

The door chime rang. Both officers looked at the door. Donovan a bit more negatively than usual.

“Speaking of the devil…” He said silently and put on the most diplomatic mask he could muster. After Valon’s command, the doors parted revealing a Trill male dressed in civvies. Lieutanant Commander Perjon Dax. He walked past Donovan, without even noticing him, and approached Valon.

Valon discreetly looked up from the padd he wasn't even reading, and met Dax's gaze. “Changed your mind, have you?” he asked trying to sound as nonchalant as he could.

“Yes…” Dax nodded. “But don’t give me another lecture about how I’ve wasted my life, all right?” he handed a padd to Valon. “My request to be reinstated into Starfleet.”

“Ah…” Was all Valon said at first thought. “We won’t be needing this. But I appreciate the formality. What changed you mind, Perjon?”

“You did. And I would have been here sooner if one of your men hadn’t insisted I go through the security checks. Apparently I was flagged as a Ferengi cargoship.”

“That’s because you were a Ferengi cargoship. Your fancy transponder can make your little ship look like a goddamn Borg Cube.” Donovan snapped. Noticing the look on Valon’s face upon the mentioning of the Borg, he quickly added. “Sorry sir.”

Valon gave him an appreciative nod. “It’s perfectly all right, Lieutenant. No matter. Let’s get down to business. – Dax. You currently hold the rank of Lieutenant Commander and you were the XO of the Ballona for two years before its destruction, correct?”

“Yes, sir. I was.” Dax replied. Valon tried to read him, an old trick he had learned from Ezri Dax. But the man’s poker face remained inscrutable. Not even when mentioning the Ballona did he flinch.

“What would you say if I would offer you the XO position on the Trafalgar?”

“Permission to speak freely?” Dax asked. Upon Valon’s quick gesture with his right arm that could loosely be translated into ‘go ahead’, he continued. “Truthfully sir. I’d ask you if you are completely sane. Who would want me as their XO?”

“No one.” Valon replied. “Jack, – could you give us the room? Your shift is over anyway. Get some rest.”

Donovan nodded and shot Dax a glare that said everything he needed to know. “Get yourself together or I will kick you out the nearest airlock.” He mentally reached out and tried to strangle Dax. But when no invisible arms extended he gave up and headed for the door.

Dax smiled wryly at the second officer as he left. Something that just added to the hostile and volatile tension between the two men.

“No one, but me.” Valon added. “I’m inclined to give you some slack because I know you. You could be one hell of an XO if you put your mind to it. But…”

“With all due respect, Captain. You don’t know me. And you never had.” Perjon cut in.

Seeing his point, Valon lowered his gaze and gave his desk a fleeting look. He wasn’t an overly personal man. His desk was spartan. It had always been. My ready room is my workplace. Not my quarters. He always said when someone asked him why he had no personal affects present. But there were three things he held dearly. Two pictures and an IDIC medallion. The medallion had been given to him by his late mother as a child and the two pictures were the last memories of his good friend and mentor, Ezri Dax. Ironically, he never really got along with her husband, Julian Bashir. In the beginning, he couldn’t stand the man. But now, he missed him just as much as he missed Ezri.

Valon picked up one of the picture frames, gave it a long and thorough look, remembering the good memories behind it. ‘The last meal’, he called the picture. The last time they had all met. Ezri, Julian, Sam, and him. Two weeks before the attack that had claimed Julian's, and consequently Ezri's life.

“What’s that Captain?” Dax asked as Valon was looking at the picture frame.

Valon smiled. “Nothing. Just some old memories. – Here.” He said handing the picture frame to Dax.

Dax carefully probed every inch of the picture. He didn’t remember it being taken, but he recognized the place where they were. Benjamin Sisko’s Restaurant in New Orleans. He looked at the faces, remembered every single one as clearly as he saw them in the picture. Samaritan Bowers, Julian Bashir, Valon and Ezri Dax. “She was very beautiful, wasn’t she?” Dax said. It was more of a statement than a question. He returned the picture to Valon.

“Yes,” he said. “She was also very married.” Smiling, Valon looked up at Dax and then back at the picture of Ezri. “You’re right. I knew her.” He finally said. Still looking at the picture. “I don’t know you. But I know how you work, how you think. And I’m confident that you will do a good job if you really want to.”

Valon carefully put the picture back. Cleaning off the thin layer of dust with his right index finger. “I could order you to do this, but I won’t.” he said. Letting his words sink in. “I know how Trill traditions work. I pride myself in knowing everything that is possible about different cultures. But, I still consider you a friend. -- It is your choice, Dax.” He said.

“It’s your choice, Dax…” Valon voice was kind and friendly. Not commanding or demanding. It would have been so easy to simply say no. To simply keep running. To keep avoiding the memory that had haunted him for so long. A mistake that hadn’t even been his. Yet he still felt responsible. But… He couldn’t run anymore…

“I accept.” Dax finally said. Valon’s expression didn’t change. But Perjon could still see that he was glad.

Valon reached for a padd and handed it to Dax. “Computer. Record that from this date, effective immediately, Lieutenant Commander Perjon Dax is promoted to the rank of Commander and assigned as Executive officer to the USS Trafalgar, NCC-91225. Authorization: Valon- 2-4-Kappa-blue.”

The computer responded with a short chime. “Ships log and roster has been updated. Commander Perjon Dax has been given command level clearance…

As the computer finished it’s long and drawn out list of every system and area Commander Perjon Dax had now access to, only two words came to mind for Perjon. “Now what?” he asked.

“Now?” Valon inquired. “Now you download everything in your ship's databanks into my personal mainframe. Every name, every job, every location. I call an old friend and tell him that Dax needs a favor. If you can produce anything worthwhile he will make sure that you’ve been working undercover for Starfleet intelligence your entire criminal career.”

“What old friend?” Dax inquired, looking incredibly quizzical.

Valon simply leaned back in his chair and smiled. “I’ll tell you some other time. Right now, go and get some sleep. You'll need it. T'Mra was one hell of an officer. You have some big shoes to fill. Your shift starts at oh-eight hundred hours. Dismissed.”

“Aye.” Dax nodded and headed for the door. Before the doors closed, he could hear Valon address the computer.

“Computer. Open a private channel to Captain Samaritan Bowers, USS Aventine.”
 
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I like it, I like it, I LIKE it! :techman:

Great exchange: "She was very beautiful, wasn't she?"

"Yes. She was also very married."



Now...another tip. If the sentence right after the character's line "defines" the quote, you attach the two.

Like this:

Very well, Lieutenant. I’m on my way. Valon out,” came the Captain’s half tired, half annoyed reply...

If the quote ends with something special, like a question mark, elipses (...), or an exclamation point, you leave that as it is, and just de-capitalize the first letter of the "definer sentance". Unless it's a name, of course. :)

If the quote ends in a period, change it to a comma, to attach it.

(Yeah, I know. English is a pain to figure out--even if you've grown up with it, like I have! :lol:)

^That is quite amusing. :)

Rushbo, you alright with Kavan Smith? (How the heck do you pronounce that anyhow? Kevin? Ka-van? Sheesh.)

(checks YouTube Stargate scenes with actor....)

Yup. I approve. :techman:

EDIT: Another thing, I haven't heard any complaints on Liev Schreiber as Donovan, so...

jackdonovancopy.jpg


I've tentatively named him Jack...what do you guys think?

Nice! (The eyes have it: "I'm sorry...I don't think you get that you're so obviously wasting my time with this garbage....")

Now...this is just for insight. We've got an awesome tough-guy model for Perjon Dax (with a tragic past...but that's a plus);

...an awesome tough-guy for Jack Donovan (awesome name, too--smacks of "tough and cool")--with an apparent bad attitude around Perjon;

...and apparently, we'll need an awesome tough-guy playing the captain. (We'll need an "intellectual" tough guy, with a thin Vulcanoid face--but a tough guy nonetheless. More on him later.)

In short, an injection of uber-masculinity into Trek fiction--and into the "Big Three" of this series, no less. Robau would be pleased. :cool:

Still...to please those folks who'd otherwise scream "male chauvinist fantasy!"...we may need some "sensative men" to balance it out. I dunno...some ladies like macho guys...some like "sweet" guys.

(I know, I know..."Wait, wasn't Julian Bashir...?" Well, he's a bit of both. He starts out as a green "pretty boy", but gets more self-confident as the show goes on. He's basically a gentleman--a more "cultured", James-Bond kind of macho--as opposed to a rough, down-and-dirty, get-the-heck-outta-my-way, Bruce-Willis macho. ;)

I'd imagine our captain, being an "emotional" Vulcan, but a Vulcan nonetheless, to also be a "gentleman" kind of macho.)
 
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I love it, Ares. The tension between Donovan and Dax is perfect. I think I will post my little bit of characterization too. And the very last line is awesome! Great job. As for your comments, Rushbo, I agree wholeheartedly. We could make Davis the 'nice guy' if Ares wants. We also need a Doctor and a Chief Engineer and a final decision on Security and Tactical. What do you think of the Miradorn idea?
 
I love the Miradorn idea. Nice to see a sign of peace with the formerly hostile race, a la Worf, TNG first season. :)

Now...for Valon, I'd recommend Hugo Weaving. Nice air of "intellectual-yet-tough cool-guy". See his unforgettable stint as the archvillain Smith of The Matrix Trilogy.

Observe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D7cPH7DHgA&feature=related

Of course, Valon would show more emotion. I'd say his other famous role--Elrond Half-Elven of The Lord of the Rings--would be a good example for that.
(Frankly, Hugo looks very Vulcan-like even without makeup. When he donned pointed ears for Lord of the Rings...it was the perfect touch.)
 
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Nice idea. I must admit Hugo Weaving seems more...Romulan Commander or Cardassian Gul to me, but he'd make an interesting Vulcan too. A bit darker than I imagined but that's not a bad thing. I think we'll have to recast his wife, however, the other choices look a bit to young for him in my humble opinion. Any ideas there? I'm thinking intelligent, witty, cheerful, relaxed and laid-back but not a pushover. Know of anyone who can pull that off? And look good with purple hair?
 
Nice idea. I must admit Hugo Weaving seems more...Romulan Commander or Cardassian Gul to me, but he'd make an interesting Vulcan too. A bit darker than I imagined but that's not a bad thing. I think we'll have to recast his wife, however, the other choices look a bit to young for him in my humble opinion. Any ideas there? I'm thinking intelligent, witty, cheerful, relaxed and laid-back but not a pushover. Know of anyone who can pull that off? And look good with purple hair?

Well, I'm sure Hugo can do more "light-hearted" stuff. I see your point, though. Valon is kinda more energetic and snappy than Smith. Still, like I said, Hugo can be lighthearted, but he always retains the "intellectual" air. An example, in The Fellowship of the Ring, his eybrow quirks up (hmm...) and he smiles and replies to Sam's insistance ("Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me!") with, "No ideed! It is hardly possible to seperate you two!" in a rather flippant tone.

(And it's funny you suggested a Cardassian gul. I've had that image in my mind, too! Still think of him as primarily Vulcanoid, though. Maybe Romulan. ;))

For his wife...I like young...but you're right, it can't be too young, or Valon will look bad.

So...smart, clever, humorous, laid-back--and, say, mid-30's to early '40s?

Angelina Jole's way too over-exposed* to be used with a straight face--but her kind of acting strikes me as fitting the criteria. Someone with her kind of "Laura Croft" personality...?



*(Not a sexist joke. Just a terrible coincidence. :()
 
^You know, I wouldn't even have noticed if that was a joke. Yeah, someone like that would work. Hmm...I dunno. Ares? Any thoughts?
 
If I might make a suggestion for casting Valon... Russell Crowe. After saying this, please deliberate.
But then, I also have to ask, who have you cast for Perjon himself? Because I would like to suggest Gregory Smith.
 
Hey, I recognize that avatar! Is that you, Cap? It's Kahless. :) Russel Crowe is an interesting idea, thanks for the thought.
 
Getting serious for a moment...well, I'd say Russel looks even older than Hugo Weaving. And...his face is a bit too "round" for a Vulcan....
 
Getting serious for a moment...well, I'd say Russel looks even older than Hugo Weaving. And...his face is a bit too "round" for a Vulcan....

How old are you going for? Because when I was thinking of Russell Crowe, I was sorta leaning towards the v'tosh ki'tur thing that you guys seem to have going for him.
BTW, I like the name Trafalgar for the ship. I might have missed it but what class is the ship?
 
And, however emotional Valon is, Vulcans, again, have a certain "look" about them...which Russel, as supremely awesome as he is, is lacking in.
 
Ok, I can understand that. One last suggestion on Valon: Colm Feore. Oh and btw, great idea casting Liev Schrieber as Donovan. Just curious and this is more of a funny, is Hugh Jackman being cast as well? :)
 
:lol:

Maybe as a guest star later on....

No promise, though. ;)

Colm Feore...hmm....

Yeah...he looks and sounds pretty Vulcanoid...I could see him as a possible Valon....

What do the rest of you think?
 
:lol:

Maybe as a guest star later on....

No promise, though. ;)

Colm Feore...hmm....

Yeah...he looks and sounds pretty Vulcanoid...I could see him as a possible Valon....

What do the rest of you think?

I only mention him because someone at STPMA did him up as a Vulcan wearing a Movie uniform from TWOK.
 
Damn, you guys been busy during the night. :lol:
aight, lets try to catch up.

thanks guys for the positive replies. :) guess the writer in me managed to break through that thick brick wall called the english language. (well, at least make a hole big enough too peek through :lol: )

Rushbo: thank for the tip. it shall be edited and improved momentarily. and yeah i agree. english can be tough sometimes, even after ten bloody years :)
Colm Feore... hmm. not particularly fond of the guy but i have no objections. although i see the age issue with Kreuk. even as a vulcan it would be bit too much. what about Hugh Laurie? he's one of those tough, yet smart kinda guys.

btw. did my preliminary CAE test two days ago.... half the class failed (17/26). havent gotten my results yet but it went pretty well. hmm... hopefully...


Tiberius: actually, i have nothing on the wife. i was playing with the idea of alyssa milano after i saw a pic on STPMA but i'm not sure about that. dunno if shed make a good alien. and someone angelina jolie looking, well, theres one that comes to mind but i cant tell you her name just now. i'll look around if i can find a pic with a name.

and about Davis. i have no problem with him being the nice guy. all i want is him being the helmsman. the rest is up for grabs as they say. write away! :techman: and i'd rather have someone else doing the characterization on him.


BTW, I like the name Trafalgar for the ship. I might have missed it but what class is the ship?
No manipulation whatsoever. the clean screenshot from STO. resized by photobucket. orig. (1680x1015)
USS Trafalgar.

Name and registry is correct. i will do a few runs in the demo recorder. maybe do a shipyard scene (ala Enterprise) in FCP or iMovie. depending on the amount of time i have on my hands...

oh, as unrelated as you can get, but i found the (second) cutest pic of Ms. deBoer during my travels acroos the vast space of the internet. NdB from SG: Atlantis

EDIT: and i have also registered on STPMA. after recent events decided to dust off my old alias and go with "DaKKs" (acronym of my name. ironically, when i came up with this alias i hadn't even heard about Dax) anyway, i'd better start learning photoshop again. cs2 beta was a long, long time ago... great tutorials :techman:

EDIT: Sulira? (old NdB pic)
http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r234/bmoffitt74/comments/8b4f.jpg
and a few more, over here. some are maybe, shoppable. i'll try to enhance them, but dont expect miracles. : http://starwrecked.com/Star-Trek-actor-Nicole-de-Boer-filmography.htm
 
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