TNG Caption This! #433: Medical Mysteries

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry about the late start.

First up to the plate, we have the "Scene Direction 101" Award, going to:

In this deleted scene, the blocking went disastrously wrong and all the actors were told to look at different cameras.

Next, we have the "TMI" Award, going to:

Lt. LarForge kept making the mistake of using his UV filter when investigating hotel rooms.

Next, we have the "Evil Conspiracies" Award, going to:

Worf, thinking: Why does it not explode? That Ferengi ASSURED me the panel would explode and bring my promotion with it!

Next, we have "The Flowers were never standing in the first place" Award, going to:

Data: I believe you are supposed to pull the tablecloth out from under the objects on the table...

Next, we have the "Important Warnings" Award, going to:

Director (just off camera): "Annnd CUT!"

Patrick: "Oh, God, John -- before you got on set they were asking what size vest you wear and how I felt about a tiny green hat -- I think we've in for another Q fantasy episode."

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

ARCHAEOLOGIST: We have top men working on it right now.

PICARD: Who?!

ARCHAEOLOGIST: Top... men.

♫ Oooooooooooooooooooooookalhoma, where the wind goes sweeping down the plains. ♫

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

New contest shall begin in... however long it takes you to scroll past this sentence.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

La Forge: Wait, weren't you supposed to give me that injection?

Crusher: Whoops.

Crusher: That's very good, Deanna. Why are you doing your morning sit-ups on a bio bed?

Pulaski: Welcome aboard the Enterprise. Now instead of taking you to your quarters, I'm going to scan you, store you here in the transporter room and allow our senior staff to come by and just look at you.

Even half conscious, it seemed that Riker was a quick draw with his phaser.

Picard: (over comm) Picard to Crusher. Report.

Crusher: We lost the patient.

Picard: (over comm) I'm sorry to hear that.

Crusher: No, we can't find the patient. Can you send Worf down with a security team?

 

[Captain Crow]

Crusher: Doctor Griffin, can you tell me where it hurts?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Pulaski: "Welcome aboard the Enterprise, Ambassador! Now...you're not going to get all weird about it being 'Fishsticks Friday' in the mess hall today, are you?"

Picard: "Mmm! You smell nice!"
LaForge: "Why, thank you, Captain!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Mick Fleetwood: Worldwide tours. Million-selling albums. Hit singles. The roar of the crowds. NOW look at me!

 

[joededman]

Picard: I love the scent of your new perfume.
Crusher: That's the hand sanitizer.

Crusher: There, there, Deanna. Just lie down and I'll cover you up with the nice sparkly little blanket. Wouldn't you like that?

Pulaski: Do you have any last words that you would like to record for posterity?

It took a few moments but Dr. Crusher did finally realize that the Invisible Crew-man had skipped out on his prostrate exam.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Sirtis: "AGH!!!"

Gates: "What is it???"

Sirtis: "They're all watching me acting!"

Gates: "Oh, that was acting! I thought you had sand in your vagina."

Picard: "Ah, doctor, you don't need to scan him for sexually transmitrted diseases. When he said he had blown a seal..."

 

[dief25]

I'd like you to take two of these Mentos. They're the freshmaker.

 

[Gepard]

TFTW, Leadhead!

PICARD [thinking]: Guy wears a hairband on his face and I'm the one they're injecting with drugs.

RIKER: Computer, access Riker personal file 47 and play track 13.

[porno groove starts]

[O'Brien and Data perk up]

"According to these readings, you're more popular with the audience than I am. Figures."

"And how long would you say you've had these symptoms, Mr. Bacon?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PULASKI: Who are you wearing?

 

[Catarina]

Marina and Gates rehearse the token lesbian scene that ultimately is cut. Too soon for America.

 

[galleywest]

A win! Thanks!! That makes my day!

Picard (thinking): I should really take advantage of the situation to hit on her.
Crusher (thinking): I should really take advantage of the situation to tranq him.

Pulaski (thinking): Don't stare at the ugly outfit and the fish eyes...don't stare at the ugly outfit and the fish eyes...
Alien (thinking): Don't stare at the ugly outfit and the fish eyes...don't stare at the ugly outfit and the fish eyes...

Worf: So that's where I left that phaser!
Crusher: So that's where I left the commander!

Crusher: *sigh* It seems like only yesterday this place was filled with people, humming with activity...
Nurse: Cheer up doctor--I'm sure we'll get involved in an incredibly convoluted situation involving an alien plague, inexplicable widespread memory loss, or interphasic parasites any moment now.
Crusher: You're just saying that to make me feel better.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

LaForge: None for me, those cause Autism, you know?

Picard: Lt. LaForge, you are hereby banned from watching the movies of Jim Carey and ogling the pin-ups of Jenny McCarthy.

LaForge: There goes my night...

Troi: But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you...and you were there. But you couldn't have been could you? No, Doctor, this was a real truly live place and I remember some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful--but just the same all I kept saying to everybody was "I want to go home," and they sent me home! Doesn't anybody believe me? But anyway, Worf, we're home! Home. And this is my sickbay, and you're all here and I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again. Because I love you all. And... Oh Doctor! There's no place like home!

Crusher: Nurse Ogawa, anti-psychotic ASAP!

Antedean Dignitary: For the last time, Doctor, I find this song about "Fish Heads" and how you would "eat them up, yum," to be highly offensive!

Crusher: Riker, sleeping, holding his phaser? Freud would have a field day with this time!

Crusher: I'm afraid there's little we can do, this is a sick bed. All we can do is keep it comfortable.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Do you know what Geordi and Superman have in common?
Crusher: They're both able to see through walls?
Picard: No, they are both people you don't want to be around when they're drunk.

Crusher: You'll wear your boots to bed and like it, missy!

Antedean: Can you do something about the fish smell?
Pulaski: I get that all the time.

Crusher: Check it out, I traded my medkit for this rad cassette player.

Crusher: His name was Odan, my most memorable alien lover.
Nurse: Tentacles?
Crusher: No, he didn't have tentacles.


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Hutchy01]

Pulaski: Don't stop thinking about tomorrow ... because then you can go your own way!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Nurse: Doctor, have you considered my request for a duty shift change? See, my husband's on bridge watch and I...

Beverly: I'm sorry, nurse, do you see this table here? It's stacked with all the fucks I give.

 

[Triskelion]

Crusher: Did someone order a penis shortening?
Riker: I'm up!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Inspection's over, we can go back to playing Candy Crush.

NURSE: What makes you think I stopped?

 

[Finn]

Chief Medical Officer's Log. I've been running tests to figure out why Riker and Troi became invisible after playing their Angel Falls hologram as the Enterprise hit a weird nebula. I stopped listening when Data "explained" it during debriefing an hour ago. Meanwhile, I'm going to check the biobed to see...listen if they are still there..

 

[JirinPanthosa]

The day Beverly transposed the ordinary painkillers with the vicodin.

TROI: AHH! I had a terrible dream! There was this new Captain! And he made me dress responsibly like a normal Starfleet officer! And you were there! And you were there!
BEVERLY: It's okay, you're safe now. And you're still a military officer in loungewear.

You won't believe these ten celeb facelifts gone horribly wrong! (Click here)

BEVERLY: Step aside. I have four years of experience with rare STD hybrids.

BIOBED: Yes, I may have been transplanted into a member of the furniture people. But I am still Odan, and I do still love you.