What is it like getting older?

[Rarewolf]

People twice my age, and older, are living full lives.

I'm 35. Some people half my age have lived more of a life than I have.

I've always been short. When I was young I was always told 'oh you'll shoot up' - I never did. So I think mentally I've never grown up either. I (literally!) look up to taller people even if younger.

I tend to think of this as my gap life. I'm content with that.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I'm 51. Getting older is interesting. There are two aspects to it, the internal and the external.

Internally, I really don't feel any different than I ever have. I still love to read and write, I still love art and photography, and TV and movies. I still get excited over new discoveries in astronomy and physics and paleontology. I still love women. Of course, there are differences in perception, because of greater knowledge and experience. Writing, in particular, is a much different experience now than it was thirty years ago. The body, granted, has undergone a few changes. I've gone a bit gray since crossing over into my 50s and I do have a few character lines. But everything still functions-- I can still hike through the woods and clamber up rocks and do the other important physical things that young folks do, even if I do get winded a bit easier. I still feel like me, though, and I still feel immortal.

Externally, people start to treat you differently when you get to a certain age. When I'm the oldest in the group, the others defer to me as the one who should be leading, who should know the answers and know what to do-- which elicits a moment of panic before I realize that, miraculously, I do have the answers and know what to do. The worst thing about getting older, though, is that other people are getting older, too. And they're dying. The older you get, the more people you know die. That's the part I really hate about getting older.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I'm 42 years old. I actually feel better about myself and my life than I did when I was younger. I figure if I have my health, which I do, then what the hell right do I have to complain? I'm enjoying life better than I did when I was half this age.

 

[propita]

49. After years of grad school for both me and Hubby, we're finally trying to enjoy life--in this economy.

What we've noticed as we've gotten older:

We wake up in the middle of the night to pee. Sometimes more than once. **sigh** You know you better drag your butt outta bed and into the bathroom when you start dreaming that you're peeing.

We have less energy than we used to. I've never been all that active, and Hubby's activity is mostly standing while he works.

We can't do justice to a good all-you-can-eat buffet, which really sucks. That doesn't seem to be everyone as they age. I'm amazed at seeing people my age and older coming back with plate after plate--and emptying them!

While the economy does seem to be slowly turning around, I don't think it's going to be easy for those in their 20s who don't have at least relatively wealthy parents. It was harder on us than our parents, especially since we're basically the group AFTER the Boomers--they filled the schools, the jobs, the houses, and we got sloppy seconds at higher prices and less income. I really feel for the young.

Despite Hubby going back to school in his 30s and owing $60K as a 40yo new graduate, and then me going to a local law school, we've been careful with money and paid our student loans off. Our only real debt is our house, since we pay all bills off every month. Now, we can actually try to enjoy life. We're traveling a bit, and hope to do more. No 3-month or even 1-month stay anywhere, but we're hoping for actual recurring 10-day vacations.

I don't know what's coming up, but we're actually doing okay.

 

[Amaris]

Great, great responses to my question. I've read every single post, and while I'd love to answer all of them, there are so many! So I'm going to answer the posts where I was addressed directly.

J, so much of it is about attitude. Getting older makes most things harder, and some things impossible. But if you have the attitude that it's all hard work and dull moments ahead, you're not going to have energy and stamina. It's not just about hoping that your future will pick up, it's working to make that a reality.

A lot of people here have mentioned health. We see that there are limitations, but it's something that you can still work on. I'm going through a really difficult phase of life right now and I'm making it a priority to do cardio every day. It gives me a boost in ways that nothing else would, and that's just for an hour of mindless running.

I'm going to be 30 next year and part of me feels like I've wasted my life thus far and I want to wallow in my wasted youth. But the other part of me is like fuck it, I'm young, and I have a lot of good moments in front of me. I've just got to put in more effort to make them a reality.

You sound a lot like me! Like you, I have the moments where I'm despondent over the fact that life is just zipping by and so much of that seems wasted. I mean, my 20s might as well have never happened, and yet, on the flipside, I tell myself that it I am 32 not 92, and that I can still make a difference, and create a life worth living.

Also, I'm trying to exercise better. I've started aerobic exercises, along with stretches, and do them 20 minutes a day. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm so out of shape. I realized this fully the other day, when I did a short 30 second dance for a video, and by the time I was done, I was winded as hell. That bothered me. I love to dance. While I know some slow dances, I can't fast dance work a lick, so it always looks like I'm fighting off bees or something.

I guess the chronic pain I have makes things seem worse than they really are. That's why I start threads like these, to see if things can be better. It keeps the optimist in me alive and kicking.

Also, my best to you reaching your goals!

I'm 35. Some people half my age have lived more of a life than I have.

I've always been short. When I was young I was always told 'oh you'll shoot up' - I never did. So I think mentally I've never grown up either. I (literally!) look up to taller people even if younger.

I tend to think of this as my gap life. I'm content with that.

Yes! While I can be an adult, I much prefer to have fun, and while adults can have fun, it's not quite the same as being silly and wild, and letting your heart decide what you want to do. I know, that's corny, but it's still true.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

The worst thing about getting older, though, is that other people are getting older, too. And they're dying. The older you get, the more people you know die. That's the part I really hate about getting older.

That's been a defining theme in my life. It's had a huge impact on my values. One year I went to five funerals, all in their thirties or forties. I expect it gets worse when you're much older, I remember my grandmother ended up with all her friends and her only sibling dead.

One friend of mine was born in the same week as me and died of cancer some years back. I will never complain about getting older because my friend would have LOVED to have gotten to be that age.

I've always had an almost abnormal capacity to enjoy well.. everything. It's not so much optimism (thought that's my natural state) as relishing all of life.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

We wake up in the middle of the night to pee. Sometimes more than once. **sigh** You know you better drag your butt outta bed and into the bathroom when you start dreaming that you're peeing.

Red Green once compared going to the bathroom when getting older, to seeing a fireworks show:

- You stand there for 10 minutes waiting for something to start.

- There's a lot of Oohs and Aahs.

- You're never 100% sure when it's over.

 

[Random_Spock]

We wake up in the middle of the night to pee. Sometimes more than once. **sigh** You know you better drag your butt outta bed and into the bathroom when you start dreaming that you're peeing.

Red Green once compared going to the bathroom when getting older, to seeing a fireworks show:

- You stand there for 10 minutes waiting for something to start.

- There's a lot of Oohs and Aahs.

- You're never 100% sure when it's over.

So, so true . You hope that you make it to the bathroom in time. Had a dream (I was still in my 20s at the time), where I was in some sewer in France... and once I woke up, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. Guess my brain did its best to wake me up with that one -- dream wise .

 

[cooleddie74]

Aside from the hair loss(and gain in some areas you guys will know without me saying), reduced athleticism and energy and losing many people I've loved as I reached my current age I suppose I feel similar to how I did back in high school and college.

Not looking forward to the regular colon and prostate exams, though. They'll be kicking in pretty soon.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

The worst thing about getting older, though, is that other people are getting older, too. And they're dying. The older you get, the more people you know die. That's the part I really hate about getting older.

Indeed. In a five-week period last year, I had three friends and an uncle die.

 

[Lord Garth]

I was going to tell you what it was like to get older but I can't remember.

With that out of the way, on with the serious answer: I'm in my 30s and I wish I knew in my 20s what I know now. That's one thing. The other thing is that people in their early/mid-20s now seem like kids to me and those who are pushing 40 are starting to seem like peers.

What's it like to age? You see goal posts before and after you that keep floating along with your perspective.

 

[C.E. Evans]

I'm 41, but the women in my family have always looked about ten years younger than they actually are and I've inherited that trait. Physically, I'm in better shape than I was 20 years ago due to daily exercise and clean living (don't smoke, don't drink, and not much fast food).

For me, the biggest downside to getting older is losing friends and family along the way by outliving them.

 

[Grey]

I just turned 26, and I have to say...I have been feeling old, slow, sluggish, burnt out, and apathetic since I turned 11. I envy this supposed youth and energetic zeal I'm supposed to have at the primo peak of human age.

So I hope that as I get older, I'll get a little less serious and start actually enjoying things. Maybe I'll feel more energetic or something!

I'm 26. Things are both better and worse than previous ages, mostly worse. I feel like this is a really terrible age, at least for me.

Yeah, this really describes pretty well where I'm at in terms of how I feel about my stage of life.

While the economy does seem to be slowly turning around, I don't think it's going to be easy for those in their 20s who don't have at least relatively wealthy parents. It was harder on us than our parents, especially since we're basically the group AFTER the Boomers--they filled the schools, the jobs, the houses, and we got sloppy seconds at higher prices and less income. I really feel for the young.

And this is a very large part of it! I graduated right when the recession hit.

 

[sidious618]

I'm 23 and I'm shocked at how desperately people my age want to get older. I know so many people who want to get married now and have kids now; it's like they think the average human lifespan is 30. Personally, I find that horrifying because life shouldn't be rushed and people change rather drastically until they're 30 so deciding how life will be when you're 23 or 24 is silly at best and destructive at worst (I've seen that, too).

I have a friend who is 24 and she just broke up with her boyfriend. She thinks her life has been majorly set back because, by God, she's 24 and doesn't have someone to settle down with! It was hard for me to take that mindset seriously, to be honest as it seemed so divorced from reality but many my age buy into it.

 

[Grey]

I'm 23 and I'm shocked at how desperately people my age want to get older. I know so many people who want to get married now and have kids now; it's like they think the average human lifespan is 30. Personally, I find that horrifying because life shouldn't be rushed and people change rather drastically until they're 30 so deciding how life will be when you're 23 or 24 is silly at best and destructive at worst (I've seen that, too).

I have a friend who is 24 and she just broke up with her boyfriend. She thinks her life has been majorly set back because, by God, she's 24 and doesn't have someone to settle down with! It was hard for me to take that mindset seriously, to be honest as it seemed so divorced from reality but many my age buy into it.

Oh, did I ever buy into that. In fact, for me it needed to be 20-21, and not a moment later. I'd be a failure if I wasn't published by 20, to say nothing of the rest of the American Dream.

That's one pleasant thing about getting older; learning what BS that all is and just getting to enjoy the natural process of things without feeling like I need to check Life off a list as soon as I can.

 

[Lindley]

It's not that bad. You get used to 8-hour days pretty fast, especially if you happen to like your job. The best part is---NO HOMEWORK. No 10-page papers that have to get done tomorrow. There may occasionally be deadlines at work that require working late, but for the most part, you can leave work behind at 5pm. That's pretty nice, really.

But homework was the best part. I miss being able to CHOOSE when I want to work on a project, instead of being told when my work hours are. Even though school was a lot of work, especially my graduate degree, it was nice to be the one in control of my time. I feel like there is such a lack of personal choice now; if I feel like I would be more productive in the evening today instead of at 8 AM, too bad, you come in at 8 AM regardless. On one hand I love structure (it appeals to my OCD tendencies), but on the other hand I feel like it leaves no time for myself.

Ah. Well, there's no denying that flexible hours are nice. At my work they don't care when I come in or leave so long as I do 80 hours every 2 weeks, which is great, but jobs that are more restrictive on hours are common.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Trying to work with what I do have though -- and appreciate each day that goes by . That's pretty much all that any of us can do in the end. Along with having a good sense of humor about life in general.

Amen to that, brother!


I wouldn't want to be in my teens or 20s again. 30+ was ok but rather busy. So far 40-ish was best. You're old enough to do naughty things and you're young enough to enjoy them

On a more serious note, when one is younger one tends to be frightened by problems. They tower up so high that one can't look over them and one is too inexperienced in life to simply walk around them or pick at their base till they topple over. The older you get, the more experienced you get in life and the easier it is for you to see patterns, apply previousely tried solutions or disassemble a huge problem into several small problems you can handle easily, one at a time.

I think this experience is what makes us older ones more relaxed. And the lack of experience and the constant fighthing of huge problems is what makes the younger ones feel burnt out.


So my advice is: hang on. Live, grow stronger, fight another day. After a while it'll get easier. Promise.
And never ever be afraid to reach out and make new friends.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

On a more serious note, when one is younger one tends to be frightened by problems. They tower up so high that one can't look over them and one is too inexperienced in life to simply walk around them or pick at their base till they topple over. The older you get, the more experienced you get in life and the easier it is for you to see patterns, apply previousely tried solutions or disassemble a huge problem into several small problems you can handle easily, one at a time.

I think this experience is what makes us older ones more relaxed. And the lack of experience and the constant fighthing of huge problems is what makes the younger ones feel burnt out.

That is so true.

Also eventually you go through some shit that makes the small stuff really irrelevant

 

[StarMan]

I turned 30 this year. I have more energy than ever and my outlook is more positive than it ever was in my 20's. I workout intensely almost everyday which I attribute to my current state of well being and do not see my current MO changing any time soon. I take a few supplements as well to help keep the interior in tip top shape - if I didn't I don't know if I could maintain the levels of energy I currently do.

I am keenly aware of the state of decline that sets in as you age - that is, if you are just wallowing and letting nature take it's course. Now that is no slight against anyone. I speak from experience and have operated at both ends of the health spectrum. Granted, some people have chronic health issues that are genuine obstacles to achieving optimum health and well being. But, for the most part, I really do believe you are an active participant in this thing called aging and what you choose to believe about it will heavily influence what you do about the process and what your state of mind and physical well being is. Rant over.

And I want to be in even better shape when I'm 40.

 

[Mr Awe]

49. After years of grad school for both me and Hubby, we're finally trying to enjoy life--in this economy.

We have less energy than we used to. I've never been all that active, and Hubby's activity is mostly standing while he works.

You should both start exercising more. That'll give you a boost of energy like nothing else.

We can't do justice to a good all-you-can-eat buffet, which really sucks. That doesn't seem to be everyone as they age. I'm amazed at seeing people my age and older coming back with plate after plate--and emptying them!

This behavior is not something you should be trying to copy. The last thing anyone should do (but particularly if you're not that active) is stuffing themselves silly. Eat in moderation. Enjoy the quality of food, not the quantity.

While the economy does seem to be slowly turning around, I don't think it's going to be easy for those in their 20s who don't have at least relatively wealthy parents. It was harder on us than our parents, especially since we're basically the group AFTER the Boomers--they filled the schools, the jobs, the houses, and we got sloppy seconds at higher prices and less income. I really feel for the young.

The next generation will be fine. There are actually a lot (literally millions) of unfilled, high paying jobs available in the U.S.. The problem is a lack of qualified people to fill them. Once people realize that the new era requires new skills, more and more people will have access to the higher paying jobs.

I do have worries about the growing division between the rich and poor. I think this divide hampers upward mobility among the poor, which presents some problems. But overall, we'll be fine.

Despite Hubby going back to school in his 30s and owing $60K as a 40yo new graduate, and then me going to a local law school, we've been careful with money and paid our student loans off. Our only real debt is our house, since we pay all bills off every month. Now, we can actually try to enjoy life. We're traveling a bit, and hope to do more. No 3-month or even 1-month stay anywhere, but we're hoping for actual recurring 10-day vacations.

That sounds great!! Don't worry about the 1 or 3 month vacations. Those are exceedingly rare for anyone in the U.S.

Mr Awe