What is it like getting older?

[tomalak301]

I'm still young (28) but one thing I can say about getting older is I wish the world was like what it was when I was younger. I enjoyed everything about the 90s, probably because it was years 6-16 of my life and the innocence was still there. Now there are just more responsibilities and it feels like the world is no longer that cool place like I thought it was. Of course reading history, the 90s had their skirmishes too (Boy Bands, the whole Somalia thing, the first bombing of the world trade center, etc) but it feels like that was a much simpler time.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

^ It wasn't.

 

[sidious618]

I like that he put boy bands in with Somalia and bombings.

 

[doubleohfive]

Still, he's not wrong. Nostalgia for the '90s is a pretty common thing.

 

[tomalak301]

I like that he put boy bands in with Somalia and bombings.

Still, he's not wrong. Nostalgia for the '90s is a pretty common thing.

I was trying to think of things that weren't "exactly" news that people were not proud of back then and Boy Bands was the only thing that came to mind. I could have said OJ, the OKC Bombing, or Magic Johnson revealing he had HIV, but with the last one, after watching "The Announcement" earlier this year, that last thing turned into a really positive thing. I know there are probably a whole bunch of stuff people weren't proud of, but like I said, I started the decade still in elementary school and ended it starting High School. I don't remember all the "serious" stuff.

 

[RevDMV]

Well nostalgia for youth is not a new thing. Plus the 90's where an economic boom time and not so removed technologically to seem distant. Plus there is the 9/11 divider that gives everyone the before or after feeling to their personal history.

 

[doubleohfive]

I like that he put boy bands in with Somalia and bombings.

Still, he's not wrong. Nostalgia for the '90s is a pretty common thing.

I was trying to think of things that weren't "exactly" news that people were not proud of back then and Boy Bands was the only thing that came to mind. I could have said OJ, the OKC Bombing, or Magic Johnson revealing he had HIV, but with the last one, after watching "The Announcement" earlier this year, that last thing turned into a really positive thing. I know there are probably a whole bunch of stuff people weren't proud of, but like I said, I started the decade still in elementary school and ended it starting High School. I don't remember all the "serious" stuff.

Well to be fair, you were also super young during that time period, so it's understandable that you'd have a limited scope when it comes to recalling what was going on at the time. Either way, your the boy band thing was genuinely amusing - not in a "haha we're making fun of you!" way but in a "haha i see what you did there" way. Relax!

 

[tomalak301]

I like that he put boy bands in with Somalia and bombings.

Still, he's not wrong. Nostalgia for the '90s is a pretty common thing.

I was trying to think of things that weren't "exactly" news that people were not proud of back then and Boy Bands was the only thing that came to mind. I could have said OJ, the OKC Bombing, or Magic Johnson revealing he had HIV, but with the last one, after watching "The Announcement" earlier this year, that last thing turned into a really positive thing. I know there are probably a whole bunch of stuff people weren't proud of, but like I said, I started the decade still in elementary school and ended it starting High School. I don't remember all the "serious" stuff.

Well to be fair, you were also super young during that time period, so it's understandable that you'd have a limited scope when it comes to recalling what was going on at the time. Either way, your the boy band thing was genuinely amusing - not in a "haha we're making fun of you!" way but in a "haha i see what you did there" way. Relax!

I know.

 

[JayOwl]

J., just wanted to pop in and say that it's great that you started exercising! Keep going even it's really difficult at the beginning. Once it becomes a habit, you'll actually miss the days that you don't exercise. Hard to believe when you're starting out but it's true.

Beyond the extra enjoy, excercise can also lift your spirits. It's not a cure all but it can make a pretty big difference.

Thanks, Mr. Awe, and I'm hoping so, because Jesus Christ it's already leaving me sore.

Definitely keep going J.! It takes a lot of willpower at first, but it get easier. I started doing pressups and situps every evening from this July and now I'm up to 50 of each. It's a lot of effort but it means I get my 'exercise' done in a few minutes, not to mention that I do a lot of walking anyway.

Mr. Awe's right, it does become a habit and now I don't miss a day. I had to force myself for the first few weeks but now I can't miss it, it's habit. I was really thin and scrawney. I'm still only 53kg but even though it's only been 3 months my upper arms/chest etc are so much more toned and I've gained a lot of strength.

 

[Rarewolf]

I found out yesterday the hospital where my sister and I were born closed 6 years ago, and it is pretty much demolished now. And that feels weird. Had no real ongoing connection with it, but just always took it for granted as a constant.

Still, he's not wrong. Nostalgia for the '90s is a pretty common thing.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 

[ITL]

I found out yesterday the hospital where my sister and I were born closed 6 years ago, and it is pretty much demolished now. And that feels weird. Had no real ongoing connection with it, but just always took it for granted as a constant.

The hospital I was born in used to be a sanatorium, and before that, a workhouse. It was demolished a long time ago. Never a constant for me, as I didn't know much about it until recently.

 

[FlyingLemons]

I'm 32 years old. I remember what it felt like to be 25, 18, 16, 13, and so on. When I was in my teens and early 20's, I had energy, drive, stamina, and the willingness to work very hard to attain a goal. My 30's feel different. I feel 'older'. I feel more run down. I feel exhausted, to be honest, like I'm burned out. Granted, I do have chronic health problems and that adds to the general 'feel' of being older, but at the same time, I know getting older doesn't have to be a negative thing.

I'm 32, the same as you. Most of my twenties passed me by with study, study, study and more study, interspersed with some personal crises, reaching the end with a deeply unsatisfactory life working as a banker followed by me finding the work I loved. Sometimes I look back on it all and wish I could go through it all again, then I realize that in actual fact being able to reflect on it all is what I think is awesome rather than the actual experience I had at the time.

People twice my age, and older, are living full lives. Yet somewhere in my head, there's this idea that once I get older, life won't be as pleasant, or as sweet, but I don't believe that (or I should say, I choose not to believe that).

You shouldn't believe it whatsoever. The worst thing about modern culture these days is it seems to focus on the 16-24 demographic and tells you that you'll never, ever have it so good again which is complete and utter bullshit.

When I was in my 20s I was young, free and scared as hell about the world. I felt that I needed to prove myself to all and sundry, that the approval of others was necessary and that I was hopelessly out of my depth in my work, in my personal life, in the world in general. As I grew older, though, I learned things about myself, others and the world that made me realize that I didn't have to worry, and that really everything was going to be OK.

The Hebrew word used in the Torah for old is zakein, considered to be synonymous with wisdom. It's not a negative thing, but rather a positive one as it reflects how you grow and learn the longer you spend in the world. I'm still the same guy I was when I was 20, but I'm far more confident in myself, far more knowledgeable and with most of the issues I had sorted out. I'm still young at 32, and it's a great base for me to look towards the future. I actually think the 30s is when you get to live up to your full potential as you've got all the "who, why, how?" stuff out the way.

I'm not going to subscribe to the narrative that things don't get better with age. I'm surrounded by students, some of whom nearly half my age, but I really don't envy them. They might appear to be having the time of their lives, but with all of that comes a lot of insecurity and angst that I wouldn't want to go through again.

Rather than worrying about my place in my social group, I know my friends like me for who I am. Rather than engaging in a series of relationships which end badly, I'm now with a wonderful woman who I look forward to sharing the rest of my life with. I know that I'm good at what I do rather than worrying that someone is better than me. I wouldn't give up any of that at all.

As I grow older, I'm going to look after myself and my family, and thirty years from now I'm aiming to be the older guy who still smiles and has a twinkle in his eye, and is enjoying his life rather than looking back on what once was with regret. I think that the best really is yet to come.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

You shouldn't believe it whatsoever. The worst thing about modern culture these days is it seems to focus on the 16-24 demographic and tells you that you'll never, ever have it so good again which is complete and utter bullshit.

And yet every time we have these threads the younger posters are lamenting the death of dreams and opining for simpler times and the older posters are all HELL YEAH life is good

 

[Kelthaz]

I just turned 22, and getting older feels like crap. I went from college life which consisted of night classes, staying up until 6AM, sleeping until 3PM, screwing around all day and doing a little homework now and then, to the horrible reality of having to get a FULL TIME job, move out, pay bills, do laundry, feed myself, being a boring adult with adult responsibilities.

Really? I found that part awesome. I love being a boring adult with adult responsibilities way more than a carefree student. Life may be more difficult, but it's also way more rewarding. Besides, a bit of challenge makes the rewarding bits that much more pleasant.

I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, I'm just wondering, how is it way more rewarding? What are the rewarding parts? The only thing I can think of is being able to afford more things, but that feels empty. I feel like life is more difficult and has more responsibilities, but without any reward. I felt much more fulfilled, energetic, and happy before I had to work full time. I feel like I spend so much time and energy making a paycheck just to do it all again the next day. It is depressing to think this is what life is. And I don't even dislike my job, I enjoy the people and work, but it's still just that - work. It sucks up the time I'd like to use for personal growth and enjoyment.

I've been trying to come up with an answer for you over the past few days, but I have nothing. I think it's simply my mindset that makes my life better today than what it was in university. I enjoyed school, but I'm a happier person today. I think it also helps that, like Lindley, I have flexible hours. You don't feel trapped at your job when you have the freedom to come and go as you please.

 

[laika]

I'm 23 and I feel much older than that some days. Other days, I feel like a plain old 23 year old. Everybody has their own stories, struggles and experiences...so it's all relative this feeling of being old. Apart from physical symptoms of aging, I think the whole idea of "feeling old" is a frame of mind. Everyone views it differently. I like to live mostly in the present, I know that I worry about the future too much, so that's a daily struggle for me. Sometimes I look at other people my age and think "man, they haven't experienced anything" or "wow, I've had one f'd up life"..but in reality, I don't know anyone's "story" so I try not to speculate too much.

 

[propita]

My now 22yo nephew ("W") recently lived with us (Hubby and I, who don't have kids) for a year and a half. He and his 5-years younger brother ("G") were getting into fights that were threatening to get, well, the next step was police and/or ambulance.

I asked W what was going on between them; he said G was a jerk. I asked W how HE was when he was 16yo; he said that he was a jerk. I told W that, G will always be 5 years younger, that what is easy for W now was hard for W then--and that he should keep that in mind. And that problems are always easier when they're solved and in the past, that W struggled and overcame pretty much what G was currently struggling with.

I told W that he is the older brother, will always be 5 years ahead, and G's problems will usually be things that W has already resolved. That doesn't make the problem any smaller for G. When asked if they'd ever even up, I said, "Yeah, when you're both in your 40s or so."

Long story short (too late, I know), it's never easy when you're in the middle of it. Some of a 20yo's problems seem relatively minor to a 40yo. Age brings perspective. Usually. Even rarer is the younger person who somehow manages to achieve this perspective while young.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

If a 22 year old is having that kind of fight with a 16 year old the 22 year old is in need of some serious maturing.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I'm 32

That's funny, I always assumed you were older than me. Given your comments about age and wisdom, I am sure you will take it as the compliment it was meant to be.

 

[propita]

My now 22yo nephew ("W") recently lived with us (Hubby and I, who don't have kids) for a year and a half. He and his 5-years younger brother ("G") were getting into fights that were threatening to get, well, the next step was police and/or ambulance.

I asked W what was going on between them; he said G was a jerk. I asked W how HE was when he was 16yo; he said that he was a jerk. I told W that, G will always be 5 years younger, that what is easy for W now was hard for W then--and that he should keep that in mind. And that problems are always easier when they're solved and in the past, that W struggled and overcame pretty much what G was currently struggling with.

I told W that he is the older brother, will always be 5 years ahead, and G's problems will usually be things that W has already resolved. That doesn't make the problem any smaller for G. When asked if they'd ever even up, I said, "Yeah, when you're both in your 40s or so."

Long story short (too late, I know), it's never easy when you're in the middle of it. Some of a 20yo's problems seem relatively minor to a 40yo. Age brings perspective. Usually. Even rarer is the younger person who somehow manages to achieve this perspective while young.

If a 22 year old is having that kind of fight with a 16 year old the 22 year old is in need of some serious maturing.

No kidding! But he wouldn't listen. VERY immature. And...he's kinda pissed at us now! I guess because what we said was right and he was wrong.

All our friends said that he blew it big time, that we had offered him a chance to start fresh.

It's amazing how little one can care about bloodkin! I wish them (siblings, nieces, nephews) well, but if I never interact with them, never hear from them again, I wouldn't really miss them anymore. We physically fought as children, and I was surprised to learn recently that most siblings do not get into those kind, or that many, physical fights. Add the emotional crap and I'm actually better off without them.

 

[Holdfast]

I think a lot of what's being discussed in this thread can be separated out into two strands: 1) the perception of the physical changes associated with getting older; 2) the process of becoming wiser.

In terms of the latter, I don't think this really correlates with age much. I've met plenty of people in every age group who are very foolish and immature. Wisdom is aided by an ability to meaningfully process life experiences, and while this can be honed through advice/education and trial & error, it does require an essential facility for the ability in the first place, and a willingness to deploy it. What I would say is that as people come to terms with the emotional implications of the reality of mortality, their wisdom level increases. To some extent, yes, aging does increase the chances of someone wanting (or being forced) to think about these issues, but I think it's a fairly weak correlation.

With respect to the physical changes of age, well personally I do notice the gradual spread of grey hair and the need to spend a minute or two actively stretching first thing in the morning to stop myself feeling stiff. Looking further forward, I'm heartened by a general tendency of progress to stave off the start of terminal decline, so I hope that as I gently approach middle age (but still only in my thirties at the moment tho'!), that moment will get put off more and more.

If allowed to indulge my fantasies, I hope that the singularity kicks in before I personally reach a particularly advanced age, finding us an end-run around the problem! More realistically, I think mine might be the last (or penultimate) generation to have to really face some of the hardest questions posed by aging-related mortality that I mentioned earlier in this post.