Voyager Caption Contest #44: "New Year's Resolutions"

[Yeoman Randi]

Hello and Happy New Year fellow drones! I trust everyone had a great holiday and New Years. It is now time to unwrap those gifts and pass out the awards to da winnas!



For great acuity in predicting the future we have:

TORRES: Great, its gonna be pages of melon jokes!

Asking the age old question, why can't we all just get along? we have:

Seven: Doctor, I've just single-handedly started a process that will result in peace between the JJ Abrams fans and the TOS purists on the TrekBBS. What are you doing?

Doctor (typing): "LOLOL, u r dum, tos is old so trek '09 is the best lololol..."

Proving that the truth hurts we have:

Tree: OUCH!! That hurt!!

Jeri Ryan: Robert, I believe this proves my point. You have been out-acted by a piece of wood.

Home made gifts are always nicer than store bought ones, aren't they?

JANEWAY: Nice work, lieutenant. Merry Christmas to us.

Poor Harry, we all had a good laugh at his expense this time around. So much so that we had a three way tie:

Disembodied Brain: "I bet 400 quatloos on the human with the vacant stare!"

and

After 5 hours of staring without a single blink or wink, enduring immense back pain from leaning over to get a better view, Harry Kim finally comes to the conclusion that he is in engineering.

and

Harry meets his replacement for the Ops position.

This week our Special Spew Award is also the Photoshop Award, and it goes to this entry which made me relive my eggnog in ways you don't wanna know:

Chakotay: "I told that fucker to stay away from my picnic basket."

Here's an entry which garnered a new award, the "EWWWWWWW":

And finally, another new award, The "Groan and Facepalm", for this little gem:

Lady: "I see you really like my mellons..."

Neelix "I do. You should come back to my place -- I got a lovely bunch of coconuts."

Congratulations to da winnas and many thanks to everyone who played! You seriously rock!


And now, without further ado, here are your New Years Resolutions. As always, i will let this one brew for two weeks. So, have fun, set a course for home and engage!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Yeoman Randi!

Janeway: "So, our official finding is: You can transport solar plasma with a standard transporter beam, but you really shouldn't."

Tuvok: "You know, guys, invisibility is a lot like pregnancy: You can't be little bit invisible; you either are or you aren't!"

Picardo: "I think, for legal purposes, we'll just pretend we've never heard of any 'Wolverine.'"

 

[LeadHead]

Neelix: So this is what happens when you beam aboard a falling anvil that's covered in peanut butter.

B'Elanna: This is the last time I let you choose the vacations.

Tom: Sorry, I thought California wouldn't be this cold in January.

Tuvok: Wow! 3-D!

Paris: Meh, it's more of a gimmic now since everyone is doing it.

Doctor: These assimilation tubuoles are the first step in the Borg Assimilation Process.

Kes: What do they do?

Doctor: Beats me, but that guy in First Contact started to get assimilated right after they used these on him.

Paris: NEELIX! WAKE UP!

Neelix: Sorry, I was dreaming about Leola roots again.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Janeway: "Gezundheit!"

B'Elanna: "If you don't quit with the mouth organ, I'll tie your dick in a knot!"

Tuvok: "I can see why changeling porn never caught on."

EMH: "We have Skynet by the balls now!"

Darth Vader os: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

 

[Finn]

Janeway: There's coffee down there!

B'Elanna: "How do we tell him this?"
Tom: *cough* No way! He won't get that this is a couple thing"
B'Elanna: "But Harry's so sweet. He will understand"
Tom: "Really. The last time, he bought a stuffed Targ"

Tuvok: "Do my butt look too big?"

EMH: "No, Naomi. They aren't for nose-picking".

Kes: (OS) *thinking* "And they thought the Ocampa puberty was weird...."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Even Bill Adama's stare can't melt duranium like Janeway's can.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Wow, a twofer. Thanks.

JANEWAY: Call Lt Ripley. This seems right up her alley.

GOLDSHIRT: Heh, looks like that first date is going well.

TUVOK: The resolution is still weak.

HARRY: Did you try and jiggle the controls?

TOM: Wow, great advice "Ops". You get your rank pip from a cereal box?

HARRY: Whatever. Jailbird!

TUVOK Sigh.

EMH: "Snickt"? What kind of lame sound effect is that?

NEELIX: What kind of brownies did you say these were, Mr Paris?

 

[BlobVanDam]

Janeway: Oh Neelix, how many times have I warned you - the transporters hate your cooking just as much as we do.

Tuvok: Just as I suspected, Mr Paris. We are too far from the Alpha Quadrant to get HBO. As I told you before, it's a deflector dish, not a satellite dish.

Doctor: If I had to guess, I'd say this Borg died of premature assimilation.

[/QUOTE]

Ever since Neelix discovered the safety protocols on the holodeck, he has taken up autoerotic asphyxiation as a pastime. After all, what happens on the holodeck, stays on the holodeck.

 

[alte]

 

[Isis]

[Withdrawn]

 

[Isis]

Tuvok (OS, to self): "I do not believe the current demeanor of Mr. Neelix merits a photograph. I see nothing out of the ordinary."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Carl Spock os: "By the 24th Century, we'll have a bitch that will choke itself!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY (os): Neelix,when you're done licking the envelopes, hand deliver each invitation.

CHAKOTAY: (os): Wouldn't the comm system be more efficient?

JANEWAY: It keeps that Gopher out of our hair for hours. So no.

CHAKOTAY: Good point.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Nelix: "Aaakkkk Pubes"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Neelix, innocently: Is this what Lieutenant Torres meant when she said the unit was burnt out?
Janeway: <stares daggers>

Torres: I simply must go --
Paris: But baby, it's cold outside
Torres: The answer is no --
Paris: But baby, it's cold outside!
Torres: Paris, we are outside. And why are you singing?

Tuvok: As suspected. This argument is primarily 'smoke and mirrors'.

Doctor: Seven, perhaps you misunderstood me. Whe I asked for 'a hand', I..

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Doctor: "Hmm. I wonder if there's a chance in hell that running this through the regeneration chamber would net me a Milla Jovovich."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "... and we were about to transport when suddenly that 'meal' of yours I ate the previous night, expelled itself from my behind and onto the transporter platform."

Neelix: "Oh my, that looks rather ... pai--"

Jan eway: "Four hours of anal surgery and another three demoregenration."

Neelix: "Why call me here -- I'm no Engineer."

Janeway: "Neelix, this isn't scheduled repair, this is an intervention."

Tuvok: "The holoporn was found on ensign Kim's personal database."

Kim: "Hey!"

Tuvok: "Luckily, with some skill, I was able to program out the certain ... male human anatomy part in hand..."

 

[alte]

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Janeway: I'm sorry, Neelix. It had to be done.

Neelix: MY SOUP!!!

Tom: grghkhr...

B'Ellana: Sorry I puked in your mouth while we were making out in that corner there.

Tom: Grkhkh GRKH...

B'Ellana: Sorry also that Klingon puke is a fifty-fifty mixture of Mentos and Coke.

Tom: GRKHGKGHHRKH *BOOM*

Tuvok still denied that JJ Abrams was even missing.

EMH: For the last time Seven, toys are to be kept in your nightstand, not your knuckles.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BUGS: I knew a shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque