Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #235: The One With the Mengele Hologram In It

[Orac]

Tom: This pervert was watching Russell Brand's youtube channel.
Janeway: Is it true Doctor?
EMH: I thought he was funny.

 

[Orac]

EMH: Do you mind? You're breathing on my probe-ulator!

 

[Gepard]

Born....inarizona,
Moooooved tobabalonya
...King...Tut.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tom: "Did you just press a button and open a trap door in the floor that the chair dropped alternate universe Harry into that is a fiery death pit???"

Mistress Janeway: "Ooohhh, that was alternate universe Harry? Doctor, call Ensign Harry Kim in for his 'regular check up'. And give Tom some knock-out juice."

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for enrolling in the James T. Kirk Self Defense Studio. I know you're all anxious to learn the flying leg kick, but since this is our first lesson, we'll start with "the chop" Do it with me now...

 

[Leviathan]

Moset: HOW "fully functional" is it?
EMH: In every way of course...programmed in multiple techniques.

 

[Oddish]

Mistress Janeway: "Ooohhh, that was alternate universe Harry? Doctor, call Ensign Harry Kim in for his 'regular check up'. And give Tom some knock-out juice."

She's not letting the real Harry off that easily.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Moset: HOW "fully functional" is it?
EMH: In every way of course...programmed in multiple techniques.

Moset: "But will it take out the trash, mow the lawn, and tell me I don't look fat in my Gul uniform?"

Doctor: "No, it will shut off and go into Sleep Mode after five minutes. It's a fully functional device, not a miracle worker."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Chakotay: (looks at grocery list) "We're out of toilet paper again?"

 

[Leviathan]

Moset: "But will it take out the trash, mow the lawn, and tell me I don't look fat in my Gul uniform?"

Doctor: "No, it will shut off and go into Sleep Mode after five minutes. It's a fully functional device, not a miracle worker."

 

[Orac]

Tabor: I thought you weren't going to be in this contest?
7: I have always been here.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Jim, what are you doing.

Just letting everyone know I'm about to turn right.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Voice: (calm but insane) "Remember to raise your hands if you have any questions, class. Anyone?"

Kirk: (arm twists painfully upward by itself) "Ouch!"

Voice: "Yes, Mr. Kirk?"

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Paris: aaand a 1 and 2 and a 1 2 3...
Doc: Mr. Paris, this isn't a barbershop. I have no need of one, for... multiple reasons...
Janeway: cut to the point, Doctor.. a QUARTET is FOUR people, Tom.

Thus concludes our prayer ceremony to Neilson, patron Saint of ratings. I sense deliverance is at hand. Rise, ratings... RISE like the smoke from the embers of this flame

 

[Timewalker]

By the 25th attempt, Kirk was no closer to mastering the 21st-century "facepalm" gesture than he was when he began practicing.

 

[Oddish]

SEVEN: "Wasn't Lieutenant Carey supposed to be on duty this shift?"
TABOR: "Yes, but he unexpectedly stole a shuttle and jumped ship last night. Something about he read the script for Season 7, whatever that means."

Murphy's Laws for Starfleet Parents #47: When you're in your quarters, and your child falls asleep in your lap, and looks incredibly peaceful and sweet and adorable... there will be a Red Alert.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Voice: (calm but insane) "Remember to raise your hands if you have any questions, class. Anyone?"

Kirk: (arm twists painfully upward by itself) "Ouch!"

Voice: "Yes, Mr. Kirk?"

Kirk: What does God need with a starship?

 

[Orac]

7: Where'd th' cheese go?
Tabor: I don't know!

 

[Orac]

Janeway: You'll get lung cancer smoking those.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Chakotay: "I'm sorry, your credit card has been declined."