Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #194 Connecting

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Yay! Two in the same contest!

Sometimes the best prank you can play is no prank at all. Just point and laugh quietly every time he turns his back on you.

Janeway: "Harry, what type of center do these chocolates have?"
Kim: "Ghost pepper. Why?"

Tuvok tries to disprove the persistent rumor that Vulcans have X-ray vision.

Paris: "Let's see...I'll have a banana split with strawberry sauce, chopped peanuts, and double down on the whipped cream. Oh! With extra jimmies."
Kim: "Ha ha. Do I look like a soda jerk to you?"
Chakotay (muttering): "Soda? No. Jerk? Yes."
Kim: "Nobody asked you!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Awkward kiss?"

Torres: "No, I was just thinking and ... I have to go some place else not here now."

 

[Triskelion]

Harry: My balls are stuck!
Tom: That's probably why he's hunched over.

 

[Triskelion]

Janeway: This ship needs more interesting conflicts to talk about. How about a little Maquis dissent?
Torres: What? We actually get paid in food here. How about your broken love affair with Mark?
Janeway: Who? How about calling Harry "Starfleet" until he goes postal?
Torres: I tried it, he actually likes it. How about putting an ex-con in charge of Conn?
Janeway: He is actually an able pilot. How about running out of photon torpedoes?
Torres: Everyone I suggest that too many people just say "Use the replicators to replicate some more, dumbass." How about asking your First Officer for some fresh leadership advice?
Janeway: Who, the guy who gave himself a prison face tattoo? How about disabling the holodeck?
Torres: What, and miss out on medieval Ireland STD's and Flotter reruns? How about promoting everybody else but Harry?
Janeway: What, and expect Karry Him to notice? How about telling Chakotay Seska is a Cardassian spy?
Torres: What, and deprive both crews of betting on when she honeytraps him with a baby?
Janeway: ......This is hard.
Torres: Is it season 4 yet?
EMH: <walks in wearing silver catsuit>: As long as we're brainstorming....
Janeway: I SAID NO!!!

 

[2takesfrakes]

Having kept avoiding him for far too long, B'Elanna and The Good Captain respond to the EMH's surprise inoculation via their buttocks cheeks ...

EMH: "See? That wasn't so bad now, was it?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "No, I have the best puffer fish lips impression!"

Torres: "No, I have the best puffer fish lips impression!"

Janeway: "No, I have the best puffer fish lips impression!"

Torres: "No, I have the best puffer fish lips impression!"

Janeway: "No, I HAVE the best puffer fish lips impression!"

Torres: "No, I HAVE the best puffer fish lips impression!"

Janeway: "NO, I DO!!!"

Puts her hands on her hips.

Janeway: "Harry, what do you think?"

Harry: "Actually, I think it looks like you're s--"


And so Harry was never promoted. Ever again.

 

[2takesfrakes]

HARRY: "Alright, so for this Holo-novel, you're the Lone Ranger, and I'm Tonto and my nickname for you is 'Kemosabe ...'

TOM: "Oh! ... Wait! Wasn't Kemosabe a song by Everything Everything? They're a band from the early 21st Century. Let me think how it goes:
'Hey, Kemosabe I'm alone
Ayah, I am a, I am alone
(Hey) Hey …'"

HARRY: "Tom! What are you babbling about? 'Kemosabe' is just what Tonto calls the Lone Ranger, he doesn't sing it as his theme song, or anything."

TOM: "OK, so ... Why not just call him by his name, or The Lone Ranger? What does 'Kemosabe' even mean, then?"

HARRY: "'Big Snake That Makes Women Faint ...' or something like that, maybe. How the hell should I know?"

 

[TribbleFeeder]

Harry: I heard his face tattoo is just sharpie marker...
Paris: I heard your promotion is just a seven year long hell ride away.

Red Shirt: You know I’ve always had an Asian fetish...
Other Red Shirt: Act now, friend. With this uniform, who knows what tomorrow may hold for us.

[“I just can’t fight this feeling anymore...” playing softly in the background.]

B’Elanna: Do I have raktajino breath?
Janeway: Yep how about me?
B’Elanna: NAH! Smells great! Now promote me without merit in episode one!
Janeway: You bet! This won’t bother any of my loyal SF officers that just met you yesterday!
Harry from a distance: YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE WINTERGREEN PEPPERMENTS BOSS
Janeway: Quiet Harry!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Harry: "These pool balls feel kind of hairy..."

Poll Table: "Oh yeeeaaahhh...."

Janeway: "Ah, Harry, I see you've met the representative from the Pooltableians."

 

[Catarina]

Harry: "These pool balls feel kind of hairy..."

Poll Table: "Oh yeeeaaahhh...."

Janeway: "Ah, Harry, I see you've met the representative from the Pooltableians."

Ensign blue shirt: "He's totally about to grab that ambassador's balls.
Red LT: And stick it to him. Should we tell him?
blue: Hmmmmm. nahh
Cat: Eh, it was just funny when Tharp joked. I'll go now.

 

[tharpdevenport]

For shame. Now I may have to make another "Old lady fingers" joke. ;-)

 

[Catarina]

For shame. Now I may have to make another "Old lady fingers" joke. ;-)

I challenge you to do it for an image her hands aren't even featured in. You're clever. Shouldn't be too difficult.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Challenge accepted! ;-)

Chacotay (inner monologue): "Hummm ... this look like old lady finger prints..."

 

[Catarina]

Challenge accepted! ;-)

Chacotay (inner monologue): "Hummm ... this look like old lady finger prints..."

Catarina's inner dialog: This ought to be good.
*laughs and hits desk with palm* You did not disappoint me. I still hate you for making fun of her hands and me for laughing tonight.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Thank you, Tuvok. I can kill again! You've given me a reason to live."

 

[Triskelion]

Chakotay: I wonder if this is the episode when the first officer figures out how to get the crew home.

Tom: He totally doesn't get Gilligan's Island.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Hey, Harry! How do you make a billiards table laugh? Put your hands down its pockets and tickle its balls."

 

[Zombie Cheerleader]

TOM: He's been frozen like that for the last hour. Maybe we should do something.
HARRY: Reboot? Unplug him? Wack him on the side of the head?
TOM: He not a robot!
HARRY: Are we 100% sure of that?

 

[Catarina]

https://www.trekbbs.com/threads/voyager-caption-contest-195-exterior-shot.294687/

 

[Zombie Cheerleader]

Too late for the contest

"Which one's the lady and which one's the tramp?" was the last thing anyone heard Harry say.