Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #174 Spring Break

[Catarina]

Cheap shot award goes to Jirin:

WOMAN: Why is it so cold in here?
CHAKOTAY: I'm reading a severe breach in the fourth wall. The audience response to my character is flooding in!


Spaceballs award to Tharpdevenport

Chacotay: "And as the readings show, Druidia has plenty of fresh air."

Janeway: "And how do you propose we screw over this alien race we'll never see again?"

Chacotay: "As you can see, it has a protective shell all around it, but if we crack the access code we can open a door to get the fresh air. If only we had something that could suck all of it out."

Janeway: Taps her badge "Janeway to Ensign [RIGHT, LIKE YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS PUNCHLINE COMING A MILE AWAY]."


Nerys reminded me I need to pick this up for our squeaky doors.

NEELIX: Lt. Torres, I'm not sure how this will help.

TORRES: Damn, he's on to us.

The majority has spoken award to Finn

Neelix: That looks like a rest area with a fast food joint that serves Leola Root....

Everybody else: NO!

Please tell me that's not on the menu award: Mr. Lazer Beam

Neelix: Not today, buddy.

Phone-a-spirit guide award for laura

Rejected Episode Idea #299: Voyager's survival depends upon Chakotay winning an educational computer game by correctly labeling all the various regions on an alien planet he has never visited.

Best boss ever(letting us game on SF time) award goes to Nerys

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks Catarina, I see them just fine!

Tom: You don't have the Pon Farr

Vorik: Allow me to take this opportunity to declare Konat-so-I-gotta-take-a-leeky. My desire to -
Tom: Sorry, if it's not a "Vorik gets lei-ed' joke I ain't interested.

B'Elanna: Neelix, did you roofie my drink?
Neelix: No, why?
B'Elanna: Look, I'm going to the bathroom again and I'm leaving my drink RIGHT HERE. And I'm gonna be in there for a while. Capice??
Neelix: Oh, you must have had the poi.

Tom: Check it out - the Delaney sisters are wearing hula skirts and hula dancing us over there! We're in!
Harry: No.
Tom: What?? Why???
Harry: I...don't...know.

Harry: I am suddenly overcome by the urge to eat canteloupe.
Tuvok: Fascinating. I am suddenly overcome by the urge to play the bongos.
Woman: Oy vey this is going to take a while.

 

[Tenacity]

Tom: "You know Harry, you could just turn on the overhead lights.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: Damn it, Harry. We're not doing Charlie's Angels!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Tom: Harry, the mood lighting really isn't necessary. If you have to give me a prostate exam, just SAY so!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Woman: Oh God, I'm supposed to be Ginger!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Paris: "Wait...aren't these the ones I'm violently allergic to?"
Vorik: "I believe you requested a lei made of thorny lung-flowers."
Paris: "No, I didn't! (sneezes) Somebody must have changed my order."
Torres: "Wasn't me."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PARIS: Hey Harry, what are you doing? Are you into meditating?
KIM: This is all the writers know about Asians.
PARIS: ...I suddenly feel really bad for Chakotay.

TOM: Computer, for the last time. I don't want to get LEI'D, I want to get...

B'ELANA: Interesting. So in the 20th century, pineapple shaped glasses to serve pineapple based cocktails were not considered tacky?

KIM: What is...why do I feel so...
PARIS: I made sure yours had alcohol instead of synthehol. You'll thank me later. Then in the morning you'll curse my name. Then later you'll thank me again.

KIM: What, you're choosing him? You're programmed to choose me!
WOMAN: Being programmed to choose you created an irreconcilable contradiction in my program that made me sentient, so now I can choose whoever I want.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Woman: Stop calling me Phyllis!

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Tom: I'm an aficionado of all things 20th century, and put everything I know into this program. Like this custom I found in the database called Mardi Gras, where men drop their pants for flower a flower Lei.

B'Elanna <internal monologue>: Sometimes, having unfettered access to the database has its perks.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: Are these jasmine petals? Because I'm deathly allergic.
VORIK: Really? I had no idea.

 

[Timewalker]

Tom: Harry, the "Vulcan Mystic" pose only works for Vulcans.

B'Elanna: Why are these pineapples and flowers made of plastic? Why didn't you replicate real ones?

Tom: I got a great deal on eBay - 1 cent each, plus free shipping, all the way from China.

Tom: Harry, I just had a great idea! Let's ask the Captain if we can make these our official uniforms. It'd really raise morale! Whaddya say?

Harry (contemplating certain crewmembers wearing grass skirts and sarongs on-duty): I think I feel sick.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: What's a matter, Harry? Never see a Hula dancer before?
KIM: I've seen one, but I never thought I'd see Torres dancing the Hula.
PARIS: Wait... what?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Paris: "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were giving me the silent treatment and hoping I'd just go away and leave you alone."
Kim: "Hurts, doesn't it?"

Paris: "Earth to Kim."
Kim: "Don't say that unless it's a possibility."

Kim: "They say our future is written in the stars."
Paris: "In that case, you'd better look for a constellation shaped like an ensign pip."

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Paris: Still can't think of a caption, eh Harry?

Your inability to caption these photos shows a lack of proper training in observational skills. I shall speak to the Captain about your demotion - crewman Kim

 

[Triskelion]

Harry: HarVok?
Tuvok: No. TuKim?
Harry: No. KimVok?
Tuvok: No. Vokhar?
Harry: No. Kim-Vok-Tu-Har?
Tuvok: No. Ryvok?
Harry: No. Harturyvok?
Tuvok: No. Tuharvokkimvok?
Harry: No. Harryvok?
Tuvok: No. Tuvohar?
Harry: No. Harkok?
Tuvok: No. Uvokimhar?
Harry: No. Kimvory?
Tuvok: No. Tuvarry?
Harry: No. Harvohar?
Tuvok: No. Vokarry?
Harry: No. Harryvokimtuvokim?
Tuvok: No -
Alien: HOW ABOUT TIM?!
Harry: Tim?
Tuvok: Tim....
Harry: Tim.
Tuvok: Tim.
...
Alien: So whose half a brain does your transporter mutant get?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Paris: "Y'know, I was speaking hyperbolically when I said you didn't know which way was up. You can stop proving me wrong now."

 

[Qonundrum]

"Lister to Red Dwarf. Rimmer's behind me and distracting me by using his light bee to look different. At least Cat isn't annoying me about the red flashy lights."

Chacotay: "So this is your favorite TV show?"

Janeway: "Yes, it's called 'As The World Turns'. It's a show about physics and not a bunch of people cheating on one another."

Chacotay: "I like it, television one can learn from."

Janeway: "I know. Our ancestors 400 years ago hated anything of educational value. I wonder who wrote the history texts. We can always go back in time and find out."

Seven: "This remake of that old movie, 'Star Wars', is pretty boring. The plotline is too straightforward."

Everybody else: "Shut up Jar Jar!"

(can't quip, not because I just spat out my refreshing fountain cola onto the keyboard while laughing and short-circuited it.)

Paris: "Be careful, that's a polymorph you're drinking".

 

[Timewalker]

@Catarina, this contest is a month and a half old. May we know the results, please?