Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest # 168 Oh, Harry, Harry...

[Catarina]

the new glass floors awaken the wardrobe police much to orac's protest

Neelix: Phwoar!
Chakotay: I miss the skant uniform. Why do we even have these glass levels now?
Kim: Being assigned to the pervert station just isn't the same any more.


Bored Boys=trouble award goes to AC2T

Wang: Should we tell him that the floor panels were removed for cleaning?
Beltran: When OSHA shows up, the set will get shut down and we all get a couple weeks off.
Wang: You're right! C'mon... C'mon... only a couple more steps..

Tuvok, like a horse tied to a patio chair award: Nerys

TORRES: Are we sure this is a holding cell?
TUVOK: Of course it is. See the glowing door frame? That means it's a force field
TORRES: Could be decorative
TUVOK: Lieutenant , I've been working security longer than you've been alive. I know a security force field when I see...

Torres walks through the doorway.

My thoughts exactly award: Neyrs...again.

KIM: Maybe we should call Carey. Doesn't he have a background in engineering?
NEELIX and CHAKOTAY: Who?

Shut up, Kim award goes to Triskelion

Kim: There she is, a hundred billion zigawatts of plasmotic energy, enough to cook an egg from here to Uranus.
Neelix: Eggs à la Uranus, next week's special, thank you!

Nostalgia with a twist award: AC2T

I can't believe I missed again!!!
Congratulations, cadet. You've just earned your Stormtrooper Marksmanship merit badge

 

[Finn]

Doc: (OS) You are out of your mind, Quarren! This is the most insane part of the simulation...Harry Kim with two pips!?!

Admiral's Log: I still haven't got the heart to tell him his promotion wasn't real, but the one I gave Naomi was....

 

[tharpdevenport]

Harry: "FINALLY! I've been promoted! It's only took decades!"

Greyway: "LOL, sorry, no -- I'm going back in time to amend the future, so this will never have happened."

 

[Jedman67]

PARIS: "Ok Harry, try it now."
KIM: "One minute Tom, we're getting hailed. Captain Sisko wants to know when he's getting the Rio Grande back."

KIM: "I told you Chakotay, you need to replicate a new shaver."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Chakotay: I want Ensign Kim court-martialed immediately! The charge is: Facial assault with a Sharpie.

 

[Logicpuzzle]

Kim: Captain, did you do something with your hair? It looks great.
Janeway: Compliments are not going to get you a promotion.
Kim: Damn,

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Janeway: Thanks for the drink, Harry. No more, though. I think I've had too much already. << Turns away >>
So, where was I? Oh yes - Admiral, as I was saying ...

On one of my commands, I don't want to give too much away so I won't say which one, this ensign
comes into my ready room, whining like a spoiled brat about his rank.

"If we weren't stuck in the Delta Quadrant," he says, "I'd be a Lt, or maybe even a Lt. Commander by now!"

Of course what he doesn't know is that I had just finished the notation in his record to field promote him to Lt. ... but after that little snide remark, I let him walk away and changed it back. To this day, he still doesn't know how close he came.

<< Laughs >> and the best part... He didn't make Lt. for 8 years after that!

Kim: 9 ... It was 9 years...

Janeway: Don't interrupt, ensign. ...and when I did promote him, I didn't tell him for a year!

Kim: << Quizzically >> What?!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Harry: "I know this isn't the time since we're under attack, but ... what the hell are you wearing?"

Tom: "Sorry, I had to make an emergency beam to the shuttle to get in the fight and this was all Neelix had."

Harry: "Okay, but ... why were you even wearing them?"

Tom: "I put them on, silly."

Harry: "So ... why were you naked in Neelix's quarters?"

 

[Orac]

KIm: No thanks. I just had one.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Jeri: "So, Garrett, I found this obscure website nobody has ever heard of that said you were..."

 

[Orac]

Paris: Run for it Harry! It's the Kazons!
Kim: Holy shit!

 

[Logicpuzzle]

Tom: Harry where does the smoke come from?
Harry: It appears to be an emergency alert.
Tom: What kind of emergency?
Harry: Fashion police

 

[Tenacity]

Obligatory "burrito fiesta night" joke.

 

[Orac]

Starfleet HQ: Hi, can I help you?
Paris: I would like a basket of chips,
A beef chimichanga with a side of sour cream
I would like some guacamole on my chimichanga
With a quesodilla of tomato, onion, and vegetables
I should like a burrito with beans, beef, and
I would like a carne asado taco
Could you put some hot sauce on that for me?
No, inside the taco, not on the side
Yes, can I have a carne asado taco?
Not a pollo asado, we don't have chicken
Do you have guacamole?
Can you make me some guacamole?
I have guacamole
Ok, on my burrito I would like the muchaco beef and the shredded pork
And some more cheese, please

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KIM: I am going to take initiative and take charge of this entire campaign to wipe out the rebel forces, even if it means brazenly defying orders!
DOC: Now your 'historical record' is just getting ridiculous! Ensign Kim, taking initiative?

KIM: I'm going to tell you all the reasons I deserve a promotion!
JANEWAY: Zzzzz...
KIM: Captain?
JANEWAY: Sorry, I drifted off there for a moment. What were you talking about?
KIM: Promoting me to lieutenant!
JANEWAY: Zzzzz....

KIM: And that's when I finally got my promotion.
JANEWAY: Oh. I probably shouldn't tell you what I'm going to do to this timeline.

PARIS: So in the world you know, am I still a loser?
KIM: Not so much a loser as a dork. You drop the bad boy stuff and become obsessed with hobbies and holodeck fantasies.
PARIS: Oh. I suppose it's still an improvement.

Ensign Kim sees Seven's official uniform for the first time.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIM: ,,,and I'm still single.
JANEWAY: At least you've been promoted.
KIM: Actually I'm still a Ensign. I spilled mustard on my shirt and had to borrow this one.

KIM: Homina....homina,,,homina

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW, Catarina!

Chakotay: Well, we asked the producers for more characterization. What'd you get?
Kim: Hair gel. You?
Chakotay: Someone took my hair gel.

 

[Finn]

Harry: "I know this isn't the time since we're under attack, but ... what the hell are you wearing?"

Tom: "Sorry, I had to make an emergency beam to the shuttle to get in the fight and this was all Neelix had."

Harry: "Okay, but ... why were you even wearing them?"

Tom: "I put them on, silly."

Harry: "So ... why were you naked in Neelix's quarters?"

Tom: Kes was in there alone

 

[Triskelion]

So you let Naomi loose with your Ronco tattoo weasel?
I blame the lady who owns Sandrine's.
Sandrine.
Sandrine's. The bar. The lady who owns the bar Sandrine's.
Right - Chez SANDRINE.
I believe it's pronounced "Chez". Anyway, we were really packed in there last night like sandrines.
YOU MEAN SARDINES.
Of course! How many other bars do you know on this ship?? Dumbass.

Oh look, someone dropped a pip on the floor. Looks like someone's getting promoted.
Lieutenant sounds good to me, Captain!
Congratulations, Acting Ensign. You're now a full Ensign.
But I was already a full ensign!
Hm, insubordination. Demoted back to Acting Ensign.
You mean, demoted back to Full Ensign!
I'll award this pip to Lt. Carey. "Lieutenant Commander Carey". I haven't heard him giving me any sass lately.
Lt. Carey died like a thousand light years ago!
You think light years are a measure of time, and not distance?? And you want to make Ensign??
I ALREADY MADE ENSIGN!!! ENSIGN KIM!!!
Fine, "ENSIGN" Kim.
AND NOT ENSIGN "AIR QUOTES" KIM, EITHER!!!

Janeway: Don't you think you should have gotten out of your pajamas for this gathering, Ensign?
"Captain."
It's Admiral, actually, Ensign. Now go fetch mama another Harvey Wallbanger, and go put on your nice school pants.
R2D2 on Jabba's sail barge? Got more respect.

Tom: And the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Federation Temporal Agents here."
Harry: What??
Tom: So, Captain Braxton walks into a bar.

Ensign Kim, would you help me unleash the girls?
...
I'm babysitting Naomi and Mezoti. Ha ha, what did you think I meant? Idiot. No wonder you're still an Acting Ensign.
I'M A FULL ENSIGN!!! AND I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, TOO! ALSO - STOP LETTING THEM GO TO CHEZ SANDRINE'S!!!
It's Ok, Shay said she didn't mind. But it's either "Sandrine's" or "Chez Sandrine". There is no "Chez Sandrine's." Geez, no wonder you're still an Acting Ensign.
YOU ALREADY ZINGED THAT!!!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

KIM: "Paris' going through his "Captain Kirk" phase; don't ask."