Contest: ENTER STV'ger Caption Contest #241: The One Where Voyager is Eaten by a Monster

[Orac]

Welcome to the all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest!

This contest will feature pictures from the 5th season episode of Star Trek Voyager: Bliss

But first here're the winners of the last contest..

First up, the recipient of the highly coveted Best Fart Joke goes to @tharpdevenport with:

Tuvok: "I do solemnly swear to never fart again."

Kim: "Hey, wait a second -- that's not a swear to hand, that's the Vulcan hand -- he's lying to us!"

Tuvok: To himself, "They're on to me..."


@Oddish takes home the Captain's Choice Award with this sequence..

JANEWAY: "Bad news from the crew... Mr. Tuvok's split personality from when he mind melded with Suder has reemerged. He's now divided into a good half and an evil half."

GOOD TUVOK: "I sincerely hope that you all live long and prosper."

EVIL TUVOK: "I think I'll beat Neelix to paste with a skillet. Then I'll rip out Mr. Chakotay's intestines, and use them to strangle that little idiot, Paris. And then I'll hide in Seven's sonic shower, and..."

TOM: "Why are you hiding on this backwater moon?"
EMH: "Mr. Tuvok threatened to decompile my holographic matrix. You?"
TOM: "He tried to strangle me. And you wouldn't believe what he was using."

NARRATOR: "Captain Janeway thought she had the misbehaving and flatulent Vulcan locked up. But he escaped the brig, made his way to an escape pod, and took a hidden wormhole to a pre-warp desert planet... where he would wreak unimaginable havoc on the unfortunate locals."


@Tosk comes 3rd Place with:

Chakotay "Very funny. I'm trying to concentrate on this."
Janeway "No seriously, just smell my fingers..."


@Tiran O'Saurus wins Second Prize with:

There's my stupid WormholeDash guy! Took him long enough.


And the winner is @Laura Cynthia Chambers with..

Chakotay (thinking): "Oh, for the love of..."
Chakotay (speaking): "Have you tried turning it off-"
Janeway: "-and turning it on again? Yeah. Didn't work. Anyway, as I was saying..."
Chakotay (mumbling): "I didn't mean the computer."


Here're th' new pictures:

Bonus Picture:

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Nice! I won!

When you're playing a video game and the computer character can't keep up with you.

 

[Oddish]

Yay, my story won!

Congratulations to my fellow winners.
Best of luck this time to all other competitors.
And thanks as always to Orac!

Now, to business... this time you get a love story... with a dark ending.

NARRATOR: "Suddenly, out of nowhere, Janeway was hit with the notion that since she was the highest ranking officer in the Delta Quadrant, there was no one around to tell her what she couldn't do, where her love life was concerned."

JANEWAY: "Tuvok, you freakasaurus, get the hell off the bridge. Mr. Chakotay and I need to... uh, go over the crew's efficiency reports or something."

NEELIX: "SEVEN! SEVEN! Have you heard about the captain and Mr. Chakotay? Mr. Ayala found them on the bridge, sucking each other's lips off!"
SEVEN: "You pestilent bar rodent, I did not need that image in my head."

TOM: "Ha ha ha, with the captain and Chakotay involved in a wild romance, no one will care if B'Elanna and I suck face in engineering."

SEVEN: "Ensign Paris? Lieutenant Torres? Why is engineering empty? And why isn't anyone steering the ship?!"
(loud kissing noises and giggles from above)

TUVOK (log entry): "I am sorry to say that my intervention has come too late. While assorted crew members were engaged in highly inappropriate interpersonal relations, the ship has wound up crashing into a hungry starship-devouring space pitcher plant. We are all going to get eaten, and no one will ever know what happened to us."

PITCHER PLANT: "Today's tasty menu is Tuvok Tortellini, Chakotay with Cheese, and freshly squeezed Janeway Juice."

 

[Nerys Myk]

"Tell me about it. Stud!"

Seven calculates the moment Neelix will be close enough to trip.

Momma sez "life is like a box of chocolates"

 

[Orac]

Chakotay (OC): Uh... Who's been eating my "Vision Quest" Brownies?

 

[Finn]

"Who switched my coffee batch with Andorian coffee in mess hall?"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Tuvok: "Does anyone have a pair of sunglasses I can borrow? I wish to put them on after making a witty observation."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Sooo ... Harry doesn't like my newest hair style of the week, huh? Well, that's the last time he ever gets considered for promotion..."

Janeway (singing): "Woodwork to the left of me, flatulence to the right. Here I am stuck in the middle with you..."

7 of 9: "Yes ... my Borg implant sensors are detecting Pedo Neelix approaching. That's the last time I fall for drugged leeola root..."

 

[Orac]

Trekkie 1: Didn't this already happen on an episode of Star Trek?

Trekker: No! The animated series isn't canon, Roddenberry said so.

Trekkie 2: You guys are biiiiiig nerds!

I heard the Soul Man from Babylon 5 was appearing in this episode, he can steal my soul any day.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Janeway: And then on my second day as chief science officer we scanned a nebula...

Chakotay: Kill me now.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Star Trek: Voyager: Innerspace"

Paris: "Captain, sensors are indicating violent electrical build up inside Tuvok's anus -- he's about the blow like never before!"

Janeway: "Brace for impact!"

Harry: "Wait, if we're in Tuvok's butt, then where is Tuvok?

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Sir, excuse me, sir -- what would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

"Well, I guess I would ... push ensign Harry Kim out and airlock."

Still smiling a minute later in silence.

"Why are you still smiling?"

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Here's to 7 years of steady employment!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Seven: Why is there never any paper in the FAX machine. And why do we have a FAX machine?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tu-Dogg: "Chill, I have arrived. Let's get this inappropriate and criminal freak out on."

FAAARRRTTT

Tu-Dogg: "That was a bonus."

 

[Orac]

That baby oil is all for personal use. Uh huh, yeah.

 

[Orac]

Who's the Black Vulcan Chief of Security that's a sex machine to all the chicks?

Tu-Dogg!

You're damn right.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

This is a security alert. My stash of courvoisier is missing from the cargo bay

 

[Oddish]

ANNOUNCER: "Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen. For the bargain price of only 199 Federation Credits, you can get your own... CHIA TUVOK! Just plant the seeds in his bald head, spritz them gently with water, snd watch them magically grow into a poofy white 'fro! Phaser and goggles accessories sold separately, not available on biologically quarantined planets or space stations. Please allow up to 8 years for delivery."

 

[Orac]

Where'd th' motherfucken cheese go at? Bitch.