Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest # 168 Oh, Harry, Harry...

Discussion in 'Star Trek: Voyager' started by Catarina, Jan 6, 2017.

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  1. Catarina

    Catarina Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2014
    Location:
    On a flying contraption
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    the new glass floors awaken the wardrobe police much to orac's protest
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    Neelix: Phwoar!
    Chakotay: I miss the skant uniform. Why do we even have these glass levels now?
    Kim: Being assigned to the pervert station just isn't the same any more.


    Bored Boys=trouble award goes to AC2T
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    Wang: Should we tell him that the floor panels were removed for cleaning?
    Beltran: When OSHA shows up, the set will get shut down and we all get a couple weeks off.
    Wang: You're right! C'mon... C'mon... only a couple more steps..

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    Tuvok, like a horse tied to a patio chair award: Nerys

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    TORRES: Are we sure this is a holding cell?
    TUVOK: Of course it is. See the glowing door frame? That means it's a force field
    TORRES: Could be decorative
    TUVOK: Lieutenant , I've been working security longer than you've been alive. I know a security force field when I see...

    Torres walks through the doorway.
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    My thoughts exactly award: Neyrs...again.
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    KIM: Maybe we should call Carey. Doesn't he have a background in engineering?
    NEELIX and CHAKOTAY: Who?

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    Shut up, Kim award goes to Triskelion
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    Kim: There she is, a hundred billion zigawatts of plasmotic energy, enough to cook an egg from here to Uranus.
    Neelix: Eggs à la Uranus, next week's special, thank you!

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    Nostalgia with a twist award: AC2T
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    I can't believe I missed again!!!
    Congratulations, cadet. You've just earned your Stormtrooper Marksmanship merit badge



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  2. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin! Austin! Austin!
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    Doc: (OS) You are out of your mind, Quarren! This is the most insane part of the simulation...Harry Kim with two pips!?!

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    Admiral's Log: I still haven't got the heart to tell him his promotion wasn't real, but the one I gave Naomi was....
     
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  3. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Harry: "FINALLY! I've been promoted! It's only took decades!"

    Greyway: "LOL, sorry, no -- I'm going back in time to amend the future, so this will never have happened."
     
  4. Jedman67

    Jedman67 Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    Jedman67
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    PARIS: "Ok Harry, try it now."
    KIM: "One minute Tom, we're getting hailed. Captain Sisko wants to know when he's getting the Rio Grande back."

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    KIM: "I told you Chakotay, you need to replicate a new shaver."
     
  5. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    The visitor's bullpen
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    Chakotay: I want Ensign Kim court-martialed immediately! The charge is: Facial assault with a Sharpie.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2017
  6. Logicpuzzle

    Logicpuzzle Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2016
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    Kim: Captain, did you do something with your hair? It looks great.
    Janeway: Compliments are not going to get you a promotion.
    Kim: Damn,
     
  7. A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees

    A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2005
    Location:
    Under the banana tree
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    Janeway: Thanks for the drink, Harry. No more, though. I think I've had too much already. << Turns away >>
    So, where was I? Oh yes - Admiral, as I was saying ...

    On one of my commands, I don't want to give too much away so I won't say which one, this ensign
    comes into my ready room, whining like a spoiled brat about his rank.

    "If we weren't stuck in the Delta Quadrant," he says, "I'd be a Lt, or maybe even a Lt. Commander by now!"

    Of course what he doesn't know is that I had just finished the notation in his record to field promote him to Lt. ... but after that little snide remark, I let him walk away and changed it back. To this day, he still doesn't know how close he came.

    << Laughs >> and the best part... He didn't make Lt. for 8 years after that!

    Kim: 9 ... It was 9 years...

    Janeway: Don't interrupt, ensign. ...and when I did promote him, I didn't tell him for a year!

    Kim: << Quizzically >> What?!
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2017
  8. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Harry: "I know this isn't the time since we're under attack, but ... what the hell are you wearing?"

    Tom: "Sorry, I had to make an emergency beam to the shuttle to get in the fight and this was all Neelix had."

    Harry: "Okay, but ... why were you even wearing them?"

    Tom: "I put them on, silly."

    Harry: "So ... why were you naked in Neelix's quarters?"
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2017
  9. Orac

    Orac Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2007
    Location:
    The infranet
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    KIm: No thanks. I just had one.
     
  10. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Jeri: "So, Garrett, I found this obscure website nobody has ever heard of that said you were..."
     
  11. Orac

    Orac Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2007
    Location:
    The infranet
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    Paris: Run for it Harry! It's the Kazons!
    Kim: Holy shit!
     
  12. Logicpuzzle

    Logicpuzzle Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2016
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    Tom: Harry where does the smoke come from?
    Harry: It appears to be an emergency alert.
    Tom: What kind of emergency?
    Harry: Fashion police
     
  13. Tenacity

    Tenacity Commodore Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2016
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    Obligatory "burrito fiesta night" joke.
     
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  14. Orac

    Orac Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2007
    Location:
    The infranet
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    Starfleet HQ: Hi, can I help you?
    Paris: I would like a basket of chips,
    A beef chimichanga with a side of sour cream
    I would like some guacamole on my chimichanga
    With a quesodilla of tomato, onion, and vegetables
    I should like a burrito with beans, beef, and
    I would like a carne asado taco
    Could you put some hot sauce on that for me?
    No, inside the taco, not on the side
    Yes, can I have a carne asado taco?
    Not a pollo asado, we don't have chicken
    Do you have guacamole?
    Can you make me some guacamole?
    I have guacamole
    Ok, on my burrito I would like the muchaco beef and the shredded pork
    And some more cheese, please
     
  15. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    KIM: I am going to take initiative and take charge of this entire campaign to wipe out the rebel forces, even if it means brazenly defying orders!
    DOC: Now your 'historical record' is just getting ridiculous! Ensign Kim, taking initiative?

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    KIM: I'm going to tell you all the reasons I deserve a promotion!
    JANEWAY: Zzzzz...
    KIM: Captain?
    JANEWAY: Sorry, I drifted off there for a moment. What were you talking about?
    KIM: Promoting me to lieutenant!
    JANEWAY: Zzzzz....

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    KIM: And that's when I finally got my promotion.
    JANEWAY: Oh. I probably shouldn't tell you what I'm going to do to this timeline.

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    PARIS: So in the world you know, am I still a loser?
    KIM: Not so much a loser as a dork. You drop the bad boy stuff and become obsessed with hobbies and holodeck fantasies.
    PARIS: Oh. I suppose it's still an improvement.

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    Ensign Kim sees Seven's official uniform for the first time.
     
  16. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Ghost of Tom Joad Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Everywhere
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    KIM: ,,,and I'm still single.
    JANEWAY: At least you've been promoted.
    KIM: Actually I'm still a Ensign. I spilled mustard on my shirt and had to borrow this one.

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    KIM: Homina....homina,,,homina
     
  17. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
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    Talking amongst myself.
    T4TW, Catarina!
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    Chakotay: Well, we asked the producers for more characterization. What'd you get?
    Kim: Hair gel. You?
    Chakotay: Someone took my hair gel.
     
  18. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin! Austin! Austin!

    Tom: Kes was in there alone
     
  19. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Talking amongst myself.
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    So you let Naomi loose with your Ronco tattoo weasel?
    I blame the lady who owns Sandrine's.
    Sandrine.
    Sandrine's. The bar. The lady who owns the bar Sandrine's.
    Right - Chez SANDRINE.
    I believe it's pronounced "Chez". Anyway, we were really packed in there last night like sandrines.
    YOU MEAN SARDINES.
    Of course! How many other bars do you know on this ship?? Dumbass.

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    Oh look, someone dropped a pip on the floor. Looks like someone's getting promoted.
    Lieutenant sounds good to me, Captain!
    Congratulations, Acting Ensign. You're now a full Ensign.
    But I was already a full ensign!
    Hm, insubordination. Demoted back to Acting Ensign.
    You mean, demoted back to Full Ensign!
    I'll award this pip to Lt. Carey. "Lieutenant Commander Carey". I haven't heard him giving me any sass lately.
    Lt. Carey died like a thousand light years ago!
    You think light years are a measure of time, and not distance?? And you want to make Ensign??
    I ALREADY MADE ENSIGN!!! ENSIGN KIM!!!
    Fine, "ENSIGN" Kim.
    AND NOT ENSIGN "AIR QUOTES" KIM, EITHER!!!

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    Janeway: Don't you think you should have gotten out of your pajamas for this gathering, Ensign?
    "Captain."
    It's Admiral, actually, Ensign. Now go fetch mama another Harvey Wallbanger, and go put on your nice school pants.
    R2D2 on Jabba's sail barge? Got more respect.


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    Tom: And the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Federation Temporal Agents here."
    Harry: What??
    Tom: So, Captain Braxton walks into a bar.

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    Ensign Kim, would you help me unleash the girls?
    ...
    I'm babysitting Naomi and Mezoti. Ha ha, what did you think I meant? Idiot. No wonder you're still an Acting Ensign.
    I'M A FULL ENSIGN!!! AND I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, TOO! ALSO - STOP LETTING THEM GO TO CHEZ SANDRINE'S!!!
    It's Ok, Shay said she didn't mind. But it's either "Sandrine's" or "Chez Sandrine". There is no "Chez Sandrine's." Geez, no wonder you're still an Acting Ensign.
    YOU ALREADY ZINGED THAT!!!
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2017
  20. Laura Cynthia Chambers

    Laura Cynthia Chambers Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2016
    Location:
    Mississauga
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    KIM: "Paris' going through his "Captain Kirk" phase; don't ask."
     
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