Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #160 Guest Stars

[Catarina]

A well played Chakotay burn award goes to Tharpdevenport

Tuvok: "Captain, what's a seven letter word for wood?"

Janeway: "Chacotay."


Kohlinar couldn't prepare any of us award goes to Laura Cynthia Chambers

RECORDED PHONE MESSAGE: "Hello, you have reached Technical Support. All our lines are currently busy at the moment. Please stay on the line and one of our representatives will be with you shortly."
TUVOK: "Mr. Paris, I require your assistance."
PARIS: "What's the matter? Computer acting up?"
TUVOK: "Yes, but that is not why. I fear even my limited kohlinahr training did not prepare me for being put on hold. (pause) They are playing Muzak."
ROBINSON: "Uh oh."
PARIS: ""Uh oh" is right. Last April Fool's, I set the turbolift outside his quarters to lock down with him in it and play non-stop easy listening music. We almost had a hull breach."

K.O. award goes to Leadhead

Torres: It was his fault, his stomach just looked so punch-able.

Oh thank god, someone had to do it award goes to Trisk

Neelix: Going into battle?
Torres: No, I'm babysitting Naomi and it's a bad day to be a Flotter.

You better not cheat in the name of love award goes to Stardream

Tuvok: Lieutenant Torres, I am sure Lieutenant Paris spending time with her is simply his method of accruing information.
A description? She is an intelligent petite brunette with an erratic personality.
I don't think it is necessary for you to come down here. Lieutenant Torres? Lieutenant Torres!
Mr. Paris, I feel it is only fair to warn you that the history of earth's original First Contact is about to be rewritten.

Tuvok is a Windows, guy. Our winner, Nerys

TUVOK: Mister Paris, I fear your expertise in 20th Century antiques is needed.


This round:

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Paris: A Lobi Crystal? These are worthless!

Quark: Just wait until the Star Trek Online economy begins...

Janeway: So this is where you were when your diarrhea came back?

Troi: Your cat has ruined my ice cream. I'm leaving.

Chakotay: This is Chakotay, we come in peace-

La Forge: I can see you arming that torpedo Chakotay.

 

[Finn]

Janeway: He just checked you out

Troi: Spot never ate my ice cream

Geordi: We cannot let you do this. Please drop your shields.

Chakotay: What if we made adjustments go further back in time and have Leah fall in love with you the day you guys met?

Geordi:...Oh, Alright. Good luck. Don't forget to tell...

Chakotay: Yes, the space baby. Sour the milk...Chakotay out.

 

[2takesfrakes]

MULGREW: "Whenever we do these 'crossover' shows, I feel like I'm starring in one of your fan films."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "And him?"

Tuvok: "Also made of wood."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Awesome! Thanks for the win!

JANEWAY: "These exhibits are incredibly lifelike. *chuckle* I can't even tell this model of Tuvok from the real thing..."
TUVOK: "I am the real Tuvok, Captain."
JANEWAY: "Ack! *swats him on the chest* For goodness sake! I thought Vulcans didn't have a sense of humor!"
TUVOK: "I do not find it funny. What about my actions would lead you to believe I did?"
JANEWAY: "Never mind. *impish grin* Wanna go tweak Sulu's nose?"

 

[TommyR01D]

Awesome! Thanks for the win!

JANEWAY: "These exhibits are incredibly lifelike. *chuckle* I can't even tell this model of Tuvok from the real thing..."
TUVOK: "I am the real Tuvok, Captain."
JANEWAY: "Ack! *swats him on the chest* For goodness sake! I thought Vulcans didn't have a sense of humor!"
TUVOK: "I do not find it funny. What about my actions would lead you to believe I did?"
JANEWAY: "Never mind. *impish grin* Wanna go tweak Sulu's nose?"

Sulu: I heard that!
Janeway: ****

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

TROI: "Reg? Reg? Earth to Barclay. What are you thinking about?"
BARCLAY: "Oh, nothing. It's just, when I saw the cat begin to eat the ice cream, I suddenly got this idea for an ode..."
TROI: "Blast it all. You've been talking to Data on subspace again, haven't you?"
BARCLAY: "Actually, we're comm pals. 'In your singular pursuit of theobroma cacao/You are far too preoccupied to give a meow'..."
TROI: "Counselor's personal log, Remind me to kill Data."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Personal log, Harry Kim: Note to self; never try to play "got your lobe" with a Ferengi. One, it makes you look like a moron, and two, they never fall for it anyway.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Deanna: Nice try, Reg, but I didn't need to be an empath to know you were pranking me.
Barclay: Then... how?
Deanna: Let's just say "Chocolate Ice Cream" doesn't sound anything like "Feline Suppliment #4"

Announcer: Millions of temporal illegals streaming across our porous timeline - bringing a new history with them. Elect a proven engineer for Temporal President to fix our present and preserve our past. He has never had a wife or children - nor even a second date - to distract him from the task at hand.

LaForge: I'm Captain Geordie LaForge, and I .... guess I approve this message.
Announcer: This ad paid for by the "LaForge for Temporal Preservation" campaign.

 

[stardream]

Thanks for the win!

Harry: No matter what I do I will never be as cool as that.

Janeway: Come on Tuvok, that's the famous Hikaru Sulu! Introduce me!
Tuvok: Captain, need I remind you of the temporal Prime Directive?
Janeway: Sure, go ahead, remind me. Then introduce me.

Barclay: Did you know- that at one time- it was considered dangerous for cats to eat chocolate and milk products?

LeForge: My new eyes must not be working. I'm not seeing any reaction from him. Is he angry? Upset?
Officer off screen: We have no idea but we don't think it's your eyes.

 

[Finn]

Geordi: Oh, and before you go...did you have that NX-01 program on Voyager?

Chakotay: No. B'elanna deleted it after Tom ran it before deciding to tell Kathryn about what he did to that ocean planet. Why?

Geordi: Long story, an idiot I knew ran it then shit hit the fan.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Catarina!

Quark: A tattooed guy bought a bunch of 'em last week. Said it was for his "medicine" bundle. Sure - Glaucoma medicine, if you ask me.

Janeway: Weren't your ears round in this one?
Tuvok: You are mistaken.
Janeway: I'm checking the crew manifest.

Barclay: Neelix no longer scrapes his ass across the carpet.
Troi: The cat?
Barclay: If only....

LaForge: Did you guys let a counselor drive too?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Quark: So you two just walked in here and tried to cheat me, is that it?

Paris: One does not simply walk into Quark's...

Cat: Well you see, Counselor, I keep having these hallucinations of a wimp, and...ooh, ice cream!

Sulu: MISter Tuvok. I'm waiting...

Janeway: What is he talking about?

Tuvok: All systems in sickbay are offline, and as the bridge's most junior officer I am obligated to perform the captain's on-site prostate exam.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: Relationship advice? First let me ask you. How good are you at holo-programming?

 

[Nebusj]

Paris: ``... and between us, with all the pop cultural might of minor characters on Deep Space Nine and supporting characters on Voyager, in five years nobody will even remember who William Shatner is!''

Quark: ``Yeah, you're cut off.''

Janeway: ``Not everyone can make that uniform look so much like you're wearing a dinner bell.''

Wait, why is Barclay's apartment the waiting room at a Cracker Barrel?

Chakotay: ``I think this is the one where his visor links to a space probe that aliens pretending to be his mom contact? It looks like that one.''

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Paris: Didn't they ever teach you how to deal with Ferrengi at the Academy?

Kim: How?

Paris: Magic

Kim: Magic?!

Paris: Watch and learn...

You can find these anywhere..<< Pulls crystal out from behind Quark's ear >>

Quark: Can you do that with latinum?!

Pars: sure..

Quark: You must teach me. I'll give you free spins on the Dabo Wheel... Holosuite time

 

[Tenacity]

Deanna: "So you got the cat why?"

Reg: *sigh* "The girl at the pet store said the cat's name was Isis and she could turn into a beautiful dark haired woman."

Deanna: "And you were anticipating having sex with the cat, err the woman?"

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Chakotay: Time to intercept... 2 minutes and 2 seconds!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: Magic beans?
QUARK: Yup.
KIM: Seems legit. How much?