Voyager Caption Contest #135: On Location

[LeadHead]

Good morning, class. I'm Mister LeadHead and I'll be your substitute for this contest.

First up to the plate, we have the "Bender Bending Rodriguez" Award, going to:

Paris: "... kill all Humans ... kill all Humans ... kill all Humans ..."

Next, we have the "Please don''t give the bad guys ideas..." Award, going to:

JANEWAY: There's one thing I can't figure out. Why even bother trying to pose as us and learn our culture? Why not just attack Earth en masse?
BOOTHBY: Actually...that's a good point. Let's go.
JANEWAY: Hey, WAIT!

Next, we have the "Nobody listens to Harry" Award, going to:

Ensign Kim: "Captain, I'm detecting a massive explosion in Engineering.. no lifesigns!"

Janeway: "Acknowledged Harry, have Engineering take a look at it."

Next, we have the "Where should he aim instead?" Award, going to:

PARIS: Not in the face!

Next, we have the "Proper Cooking" Award, going to:

EMH: Temperature exceeding tolerances! Viscosity pressure of internal fluids dangerously overheating! I'll need to run a full microcellular series if we're going to save this patient! Electro-lance! Electro-lance, stat!
Janeway: Or you can just turn off the microwave and let the Hot Pocket cool....

Paris: "It's encoded. hold on, I'm decoding... okay -- I think I got it. It says: 'Drink... more... Ovaltine'."

Tim Russ responds to critics of Star Trek: Renegades.

Paris: They're looking for someone named Nick Lacarno.

Once Torres implemented "Engineering Siesta Time", Carey knew his dream of regaining the Chief Engineer position would never come to pass.

Boy, Mystery Science Theater 3000 looked totally different its first season.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, lets let the crew step outside for a little bit...

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Chakotay: It's Voyager!

Janeway: What's it skywriting?

Chakotay: "So long, suckers. -Tom"

Paris: Tuvok, I know I interrupted your meditation, but that's no excuse for hitting me below the belt.

Chakotay: Dang it, Kathryn. Stop texting me, we're about to go into battle-

Phaser blast hits Chakotay

Paris: You promised us lemonade. hand it over, old man.

Miss Q: So, we do something very un-dirty and make Janeway completely jealous!

 

[at Quark's]

<Technician behind Neelix>: Are you finally done taking those stupid holo-images?
<EMH off-screen>: That's no way to speak about art, Ensign! But yes, I've taken the pictures I want!
<Technician> : Good!
<Whacks Neelix with cane into precipice.>


( EDIT: I see now that it isn't Neelix... what a shame ... )

<Tuvok>: Whatever you do people, don't look back! Let's just hope Voyager doesn't roll over on her right side ...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Lady Q: "I always faked it."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Mister Leadhead!

Janway: Geez, Chakotay, how much did you pay for these tickets?

Paris: Mister Vulcan, l'm as dry as the crater at Tarpahk...
...in the middle of the dry season...
when it's dry!
Tuvok: I will murder you.

Guy in back: Is it too early to start drinking our own urine? Anyone want to swap?
Chakotay: Fuckin' Larry.

Janeway: How about a little "Jungle Love"?
Caretaker: NO TIME!

Q: No, I will most certainly not deploy the cavalry on Uranus.

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[stardream]

Its the Sky Spirits!

Paris:I'm bored. Can I meditate with you? I promise I'll be good. Look! A Spider!
Tuvok: I can kill him and say I was undergoing Pon Farr at the time. No one will know.

What do you mean you're afraid of banjo playing men in a rural setting?

 

[joededman]

Paris: You do realize that this isn't really the best time of day to be working on you tan?

Chakotay: I can't connect at all. You have anything Tuvok?
Tuvok: Regrettably no.
Chakotay: That does it. I'm changing providers when we get back to the alpha quadrant.

I don't care how many phase rifles you point at me. I'm not playing "Wildwood Flower"!

Q: You're not wearing any what?!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

39 Days. 20 Starfleet Officers. 1 giant predatory worm. Only one...SURVIVOR!

TUVOK: BANG! BANG BANG!
PARIS: You're surprisingly good at playing cops and robbers.

DEMON TUVOK: That's strange. I'm detecting a lot of the same trace minerals we detected back on the demon planet.
DEMON PARIS: I wonder where those could be coming from. We seem to detect them on every planet we go to.
DEMON TUVOK: Must be a coincidence.

PARIS: Did you just slap Captain Janeway?
CHAKOTAY: We're going to blow him up, aren't we?

SCARLET O'HARA: I like a man who does give a damn...
Q: I think I may finally be over Guinan!

 

[WarpTenLizard]

"Listen Hillbilly, I don't care if 'this is the South.' You will address me as 'Captain,' not 'Princess' or 'Sugar.' You will not address Mr. Chakotay as 'Chief.' My helmsman is not a 'fruitcake.' And if I see your fingers creep anywhere near those banjo strings again, I'm stuffing the whole thing down your esophagus!"

 

[Santa Kang]

LADY Q: Speak to "Kathy" again and I will kill you in your sleep.

CHAKOTAY: No one forget where we parked.

TUVOK: Unlikely, given the size of the ship and the surrounding terrain.

TUVOK: You are disturbing my meditation.

PARIS: More than that Nudist Colony down there?

CHAKOTAY: Any sign of the ship?

CREWMAN: No, but we've spotted two droids and a bunch of Nazis with the Ark of the Covenant.

 

[Hutchy01]

Q: Worf was better!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Q: "Old lady fingers? Old smiling grandma face? To think I actually offered to you-know-what with her once..."

 

[Catarina]

Q: Worf was better!

you beat me to it.

 

[Triskelion]

Q: Look, I do the Aldebaran serpent when I want to do an Aldebaran serpent! Not when you want me to do an Aldebaran serpent!

Crewman: Here are some rocks. Should we gather them up? You know, waste nothing?
Chakotay: What are you, an idiot?
Tuvok: The crap are we gonna do with that crap? Reenact the ape scene from 2001?

Paris: We're out of toilet paper.
Tuvok: I know, why do you think I'm airing out my Spocker?

Janeway: Ok, those two dogs are finished doing it. Everybody back to work.

Janeway: Do you know Scarborough Fair? Parsley, Sage, Rosemary -
Caretaker: NO THYME!


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Karzak]

Thanks muchly for the win.

For this round:

NEELIX: Shit.

 

[Karzak]

Q: Worf was better!

K'hehlyr: Q was better!

 

[Triskelion]

Janeway: For bringing us here against Federation law, you will be arrested and given the choice of doing time in a penal colony, or community service.
Caretaker: NO COMMUNITY SERVICE!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nebusj]

Boy, Mystery Science Theater 3000 looked totally different its first season.

Thank you!

Janeway: ``Starbase One!''
Torres: ``Starbase One!''
Chakotay: ``Starbase One!''
Patsy: ``It's only a model.''
Janeway: ``Sssh!''

Paris: ``Yeah, see, this is real living ... kinda shirtless, running around in the sun, hoisting stuff ... ... ... can we go home yet?''
Tuvok: ``You have not yet demonstrated full proficiency in all 'Bro' skills. Now, select a thing and holler 'woo' at it.''

Chakotay: ``And we should be safe as long as that starship doesn't sneak up on us again.''

Janeway: ``LIAR! That is completely the wrong kind of birdhouse to attract purple martins!''

``How can our braces be locked together?''

``Not everyone keeps their mouths in the same place!''

 

[hux]

Chakotay: I never realised Voyager had such a fat ass.

Tuvok: I am mentally ready to perform the prostrate examination. You must bend over lieutenant.

Paris: Understood.

Tuvok: If my calculations are correct, we will find the ship in this direction.

Janeway: Play "I like big butts."

Paris: Play it now or I'll shoot!

Caretaker: No' you can't make me!!

Q: Touch fingers... aww fuck, I thought I was finally gonna get laid.

 

[Santa Kang]

CARETAKER: For the last time, I don't know "Foggy Mountain Breakdown"!