Voyager Caption Contest #133: Tell me how you really feel.

[Leviathan]

Kes: ...and that's how 'Threshold' ends.

 

[Triskelion]

Kes: I helped the Doctor truly become an individual; yesterday he even told me he's always thought I was beautiful.
Janeway: Just what an individual would say.
Kes: Yes. So now I'm going to sue his ass for sexual harassment and a hostile work environment.

 

[Finn]

Kes: According to Neelix, it's an old extract created from a Talaxian estrus cycle. The males are the ones who go through it, not the females of his people.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kes: "Commander Chacotay gave me this remote control, but no matter how many times I press it, I can't figure out what it goes to."

Janeway: !!!!!




(you either get it, or you don't... ;-)

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Paris: Let me get this straight, I've run a gambling operation, been routinely late for duty and showing up looking like a derelict, your solution is to have a gentle talk to me about it?

Chakotay: According the "Troi's guide to Starship Management" it's a winning strategy.

Torres: What?

Chakotay: Nothing.

Torres: WHAT?!

Chakotay: THAT'S what you're wearing for your date with Tom?

Tuvok: The Captain has made her decision. Neelix must die for ruining coffee for her forever. I will need you to make a distraction so that I can infiltrate the galley and overload the stove power conduit and make it look like an accident.

Kes: I know what you did last summer.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Thanks for the win!

Paris: Let me get this straight, I've run a gambling operation, been routinely late for duty and showing up looking like a derelict, your solution is to have a gentle talk to me about it?

Chakotay: According the "Troi's guide to Starship Management" it's a winning strategy.

Paris: "Oh yeah? Well, what if I don't want to show up to work tomorrow then?"

Chakotay: "Well, according to Troi, if you can't take it here, then you might want to consider a transport ship..."

 

[T'Girl]

Chipotle: To tell you truth, the real name of my tribe is the Condom People.

Paris: So, where do you get the Rubber People from?

Chipotle: Oh, that's just a euphemism.

Tuvok: When the intruders enter we should concentrate our fire on the tallest female, they won't continue to fight without their leader.

Chipotle: One question.

Tuvok: Of course.

Chipotle: You going to going to eat the rest of that food?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: So I say to her, "After gagh, you're my favorite Klingon dish."

CHAKOTAY: And then she hit you?

PARIS: Yeah.

CHAKOTAY: You didn't see that coming?

PARIS: No.

CHAKOTAY: You're an idiot.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the wins, Catarina!

Paris: Wait, *you* were a championship boxer at the Academy?
Chakotay: Yes. They called me "The Mighty Oak", because I was so difficult to knock down.
Paris: Huh. I'd heard the nickname, but always thought it was in reference to your wooden personality.

Torres: Chakotay, I would rather roll around naked in a field of poison ivy than let you touch me.
Chakotay: It doesn't have to be either/or.
Torres: What?? What does that even *mean*!?
Chakotay: It means ... I suck at dates.

Tuvok: Hold still, commander.
Chakotay: Wait, Tuvok. Shouldn't you put the apple on top of my head first? ... Tuvok?

Kes: The doctor asked me to stop by to talk to you about reducing your coffee intake...

 

[Triskelion]

Chak: Say hello to Big Daddy.
Bel: I am not going to call you that. I'm not a ho and you're not my pimp.
Chak: Since the Federation no longer uses money, prostitution has become moot.
Bel: Fascinating.
Chak: Now there is no economic reason for someone to sell her body to a stranger, except if she want to "improve herself, enrich herself" through promiscuous casual sex.
Bel: There are no more stupid prostitutes who'll do anything for a cash motive. Now women in the Federation are respected.
Chak: I know! Prostitutes have become indistinguishable from any woman in the Federation.
Bel: Because much to your chagrin, no woman sells herself for a profit in this century.
Chak: ...You could also say, all women in the Federation have become...indistinguishable from the prostitutes.
Bel: Look, is there a point to all this?
Chak: ...Wanna do it on a bearskin rug?
Bel: WHY THE HELL SHOULD I DO THAT??
Chak: Sorry, I thought enlightened women no longer required compensation for sex?
Bel: Wait...
Chak: So I can't offer to pay you or satisfy you in any way, or that would insult you and all Federation women. In fact, you would have to derive no pleasure at all from it - unless you thought of yourself as a prostitute, and by extension, all women in the Federation.
Bel: ...What?!
Chak: Also we no longer even have a currency so there's not even the possibility of the cash motive. At least prostitutes in the old days could also be free to enjoy the sex without condemning all women everywhere to moral hypocrisy.
Bel: ...Huh........
Chak: Never mind, I just remembered - I've got a hologram of you that will do anything i want.
Bel: THE HELL YOU DO!
Chak: She calls me Big Daddy, too.

...

Bel: Wait...what??!

 

[Drob]

Chakotay: You phasered Neelix over a bowl of plomeek soup? I mean, we've all thought about it at one point, but thats cold man! even for you.

Tuvok: Not as cold as my soup.

Kes: Neelix has been serving decaf and licking the mugs like forever, didn't you know?

 

[Hutchy01]

Chakotay: You phasered Neelix over a bowl of plomeek soup? I mean, we've all thought about it at one point, but thats cold man! even for you.

Tuvok: Not as cold as my soup.

Rimmer O/S : Gazpacho soup is supposed to be served cold!

 

[Catarina]

You have been patient. No one volunteered to guest judge therefore, there has been no update since I started packing to move. I cannot commit to more than a few mins at a time this week. I just moved in. Yayayyyy. I have zero signal with my data plan company (booo) and had to ask a new neighbor if I could borrow some wifi. (She's super cool!) But naturally I don't want to waste her data on anything but commenting. So it'll be another week until I switch plans and return the contest to full time glory! Okay? If anyone is motivated now to guest post one contest until I get back PM me.

 

[Catarina]

Lead head has stepped up to temporarily relieve me from duty haha. You'll have your contest soon. :-)

 

[LeadHead]

You're not relived of duty, just letting me take one of your duty shifts.

New Contest has begun!