VOY Caption this 96; A Random Collection!!!

[Ln X]

The weekend starts (somewhat lately) here with the latest caption contest!!!

Apologies for the one day delay but I was busy story writing (DS9 fan fic writing ) trying to complete this story for an Ad Astra writing challenge.

Anyway...

Janeway the alcoholic...

Janeway: Okay, you can have some, if you promise not to tell the crew I got my replicator to make alcohol instead of synthehol.

Harry can't date anything feminine...

Tom: Harry, there are times I wonder if you have a pulse. She's willing and is programmed to have sex with anything male... or female.
Harry: I would never fall for a hologram.

The practicality of messhall tables...

Paris: "You're an engineer, so tell me: why do these tables all have a ditch in the middle?"

Torres: "To drain out the vomit after the lunch special."

Things not to say...

EMH: I hear Mr. Paris is banging some chick in Engineering.

TUVOK: Indeed, the rumors are she is a "screamer".

JANEWAY: So, what have you heard, B'Leanna? B'Leanna? B'Leanna?

I do indeed like dark humour...

Tuvok: "The Jimmy Saville investigation team want to have a word."
Neelix: "Ocampan... O...cam... pan..."

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And now the special award:

Loved this one!

Janeway: Is the door locked?

Chakotay: Yes, Captain

*Starts licking the coffee off the replicator*

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After promptly changing this caption's theme and with nothing really planned, I went back to my image bank and picked these seven images (two extra images because of my recent bout of tardiness...) destined for captioning...

Next caption contest is on the 4th of January, new year (four days after dropping off the cliff...).

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Janeway: I love role playing...

Neelix: Behold! My glowing green power cell!

B'Elanna: You so much as look at one intimate thought of myself and Tom during this mind meld, and you'll find my fist to your jaw faster than you can say 'pon farr'!!!

Doctor: This Seven is to be your new look!
Seven: You can't be serious!

Why Harry Kim was so hated as the operations officer; his tendency to blow up plasma relays...

Tom: You know captain, if it weren't for this rank thing and protocol I would so lay you down on that bed and make out!

Tuvok: Logic dictates we activate our boot's magnetic locks when we enter the zero-G area.
Seven: Magnetic locks? On a non-metallic carpeted surface?

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: Hello children, I am Mrs Davenport.... wait... don't reach for that remote, I promise the episode will get interesting!

Neelix: Dinner is a new recipe, I call it Warp Core Breach Soup.

Tuvok: My mind to your mind...
Torres: Paris can figure out how I react to people touching me and he's not even a telepath.

EMH: (strokes lovingly) My... precious....

Janeway: I am the Goddess Janeway. Bask in my unholy light.

Paris: You know captain, the doctor's getting suspicious about these caffeine injections.
Janeway: Neelix cut me off again.

Tuvok: There's the 8472. This slug is toast! Sticks?
Seven: Holdin! Smokin! Ready!
Tuvok: Let's show this fluidic bastard how we do things in the Alpha Quadrant.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

NEELIX: Just wait, Superman. Just you wait. Bwahahahahahahaha

TUVOK: Then after the surgery, you'll look like this.

PARIS: And you say it's not a hickey?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

The dress? Oh, this is just how Mark liked me to dress up.

So, what do I tell Janeway about what happened to Kim? I can't just say he slipped and fell into my radioactive blender. An energy creature did it? Yes! That's what I'll say.

Are you sure you want to remove my violent thoughts? I'm told I'm boring when I'm not screaming at people.

DOCTOR: I think you're ready for lesson 47, initiating intimate relations.
SEVEN: Am I really to practice this lesson on you, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Who better?

The ship is taking heavy fire! Quick, everyone whose contract is ending get in front of the exploding consoles!

PARIS: Did the Doctor really write this vicodin prescription?
JANEWAY: Yes.
PARIS: Then why don't you activate him and have him administer it?
JANEWAY: No need to wake him. Now inject me, that's an order.

TUVOK: You can come with me in the hunt for Species 8472 Seven, but only if you promise not to betray us again.
SEVEN: I promise I will betray you again.
TUVOK: I heard 'I promise'. Let's go.

 

[Triskelion]

Computer, replace all characters with a svelte Amazonian equivalent.

I wonder how this would taste with some leola root?

My mind to your mind
Your loins to my loins.
What?
My thoughts....

No, it's impossible. I can't make you look like the nerdy girl who suddenly becomes hot when you lose your glasses and let your hair down. How do you feel about motorcycle helmet reveals?

Captain's log supplemental - never ask the computer to analyze how many potential dates Harry has lost through social awkwardness!

Got anything that will make the crew stop annoying me?
Just this Midol.

Seven, do you intend on making fart noises with every step I take?

 

[Nerys Myk]

TUVOK: Lock and load!

SEVEN: What?

TUVOK: I heard that in a movie once.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Win!

Paris: Don't worry, it will be as painless as giving birth to salamanders

 

[Velocity]

I, a powerful Starfleet Captain enjoy spending my time off pretending to be a subservient governess....but I draw the line at wearing this damn ugly dress.

Finally, some peace and quiet to read my Kindle.

Hold still and I'll pop that zit on your nose.Uh, that IS a zit, isn't it?

I'm sorry that I don't have diamonds, my dear Seven, but here are a couple of Kim's gallstones that should make very unique earrings.

Paris: Here's looking at you, kid.
Janeway: Any more old movie quotes and you're out the airlock.

Frag? Why no, Seven, I don't know what that is.

 

[Triskelion]

Computer, did I ask for complete authenticity in this recreation?

Bleerrrp-brripp! Affirmative.

Well that explains the syphilitic tramp, but not the Vulcan streaker.

Well the Captain could have just said she didn't want to try a Talaxian Skidmark. She didn't have to send me on a diplomatic mission to Vidiian space.

Is this a Vulcan mind meld?

I'm not plugging holes in a dyke.

Not without buying me dinner first.

Doctor, aren't you just using criticism of my hair style as a pretense for probing my space?

No thanks, I've heard rumors about probes getting lost in your gas nebula.

Got anything to make my boobs firm up?
Just get on with it Mister Paris.

Seven: Where do 8472's go to the bathroom in fluidic space?

Tuvok: I have asked you to stop talking.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Kim: "Merry Christmas, Captain Janeway!"

Janeway: "Bah, humbug!"

Neelix: "Ah, my trusty bacon grease jar. Hmm, is bacon grease supposed to be luminescent?"

Tuvok: "Your thoughts to my th- curious. What is... 'Bieber Fever'?"

Doctor: "Getting a little creepy?"

Seven: "A little."

Doctor: "How 'bout now?"

Seven: "Still a little creepy."

Janeway: "Damn you, Griswold!"

Paris: "This will make everything go away. Save some for me, I don't want to remember our lizard babies."

Paris: "What's with the suits and all the heat, Tuvok?"

Tuvok: "One of the Fart Detectors has gone off."

 

[Triskelion]

We gave up television, and now I'm babysitting holographic children in my free time. Civilization took a wrong turn somewhere...?

Hope this Veltrusian caviar paste will satisfy the Captain's spam craving. It looks radioactive enough....

My fingers to your boogers....
Hey!

What? I've always been an ear, nose and breast doctor.

Chakotay: Direct hit! Right in the G Spot!
Janeway: I've told you to call it the Graviton field, Chakotay.
Kim: Shield walls are giving way! Shes' taking too many frontal shots! Multiple subspace O's, Captain!
Janeway: The word is "Oscillations." Get girlfriends already, you two!

Why would my boots smell like Talaxian musk?
I have a theory, Captain.

Seven: After this, wanna go pearl diving?
Tuvok: Not without an airtight wetsuit.
Seven: I was referring to sex.
Tuvok: So was I, Borgie Queen.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Tuvok: This is a Vulcan mind-sucker.
B'Elanna: What's it doing on my face?
Tuvok: Wasting its time.

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Janeway(to the writers of Voyager): You've given me a hologram, an Inspector, an alien and a lizard. Now you want me to marry Mr. Darcy? I would suggest you come to your senses before I do.

Neelix: There, there my sweet Kes. We'll get you back into corporeal form before you know it.

B'Elanna: There's a spider on your finger.

Doctor: Now if you take your fingers and pinch them like this...

Janeway's new bioluminescent coffee had some unforseen side effects...

Harry: Well...at least we won't need flashlights anymore!

Tom: Now just move your face a little that way...

Janeway: Why?

Tom: Oh, I assure you, Captain, it's completely necessary. Now stay still. *turns and whispers to Harry* Now!

Harry: Janeway's duck face is going to be top story on the ship's news feed.

Tuvok: Species 8472 has evolved. They look like us, and they have a plan.

Seven: Accurate, but you've got the wrong show.

 

[Triskelion]

This will cure your headache. And this will relieve the itching.
Got anything for the -
Talaxian Taint Fungus, Captain? Science is still working on a cure.

Commander, you've got what we in the Borg call "Futile Ass."

 

[Ln X]

New caption contest coming up shortly!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Tuvok: "My goodness! You certainly have a lot of fantasies about beating the snot out of the captain in here!"

 

[Ln X]

This way!

http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=199297