VOY Caption This 95; Beverage

[Ln X]

The weekend starts here with the latest caption contest!!!

This contest nearly didn't happen today after I bust open my lower lip and chin slamming hard whilst skateboarding a few hours ago... (curse you bs noseslashers!!!)

Spoiler: My ugly mug

http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u487/Orthogonal/skateboarding%20bails/DSCF2129_zps2c898699.jpg

Damn things are still bleeding, but anyway moving away from all of that we move on to the winners of last week's contest...

EMH: Why is there a tattoo of the Vulcan word for "bitch" on your lower back?

JANWAY: Damn it, Tuvok said it meant "courage'"!!!

It's my chick magnet.
It seems the polarity has been reversed.
Yeah. I know.

Vorik: Have you heard of the T'Pol Method?

Harry: Ah Chapman...he turned me down too!

EMH: "I'm sorry Neelix, it's bad news. That outfit is deader than plaid."

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And now the special award:

After Vorik put down his rock and B'Elanna put down her sword, they tried to kill each other like civilized people.

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After a hard day's work, every crew member always goes for a beverage... Though sometimes they don't always get what they want... And this can have violent consequences...

Next caption contest 28th of December. Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Janeway: Damn mugs! The replicator keeps putting holes to the bottom of them! You would almost think this is a practical joke on me!

Chakotay stays silent...

Tom: I would bet everything in this quadrant Harry that you could not successfully hitch this beautiful holographic lady...

Tom: Can I bite you in the neck Klingon style?
B'Elanna: You can't be serious!

Janeway: The ship may be wrecked, but the replicators sure make good coffee!

A typical day for Neelix wouldn't be complete without at least one crew member throttling him for substandard cooking...

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Win!

Neelix: It was customary for the inhabitants of Rinax, dating back to the first Rinax landing 1,300 years, to strip when eating soup in a certain way. Let me show you, Harry

Tom: Wanna get out of here?

B'Elanna: Are you kidding? I'd rather listen to the doctor signing Bolian Opera.

 

[jespah]

Scenes from the next Iron Chef: Delta Quadrant.

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: Damn...B'Elanna still hasn't removed those coffee-eating tribbles from my replicator.

Tom: Hey, uh, Harry...

Harry: Not now, the intergalactic frisbee matches are about to start, and I've got a hundred credits on the Unwinnables.

B'Elanna: So...did you hear that Harry go turned down by Chapman?

Janeway: Never have I ever...slept with a Talaxian.

(Everyone takes a sip except Janeway and the Doctor).

Janeway: Care to explain?

Kim: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Noah Lessing: What did I say about serving me the squid special?!

 

[R. Star]

Janeway: -sigh- I need to stop ordering coffee mugs 100% full.

Tom: Harry, there are times I wonder if you have a pulse. She's willing and is programmed to have sex with anything male... or female.
Harry: I would never fall for a hologram.

Tom: (singing) You've lost that looooooving feeling. Ooooh that loooving feeling. You've lost that loooooving feeling and now it's..
All: Gone! Gone! Gone! Oooh ohoho!

Janeway: When Chell said Nebula soup was on the menu, I thought it was a metaphor.
Neelix: Miss my cooking yet?
All: No!

Tuvok: Happy, happy! Joy! Joy! Happy, happy! Joy! Joy!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Janeway: Okay, you can have some, if you promise not to tell the crew I got my replicator to make alcohol instead of synthehol.

Paris: I'm glad you decided not to put the timeline the way it was supposed to be after all. Now you and I can hang out in Paris.
Kim: I'll show you a picture of Libby and my new baby if you take off that fake uniform.
Paris: It helps me get girls.

B'elana: So Janeway demoted you for trying to save the environment on a water sphere, just a year after she saved the Borg from extinction?
Paris: I'm going to go steal a shuttle or something. Janeway's moral lectures are hilarious.

The crew suddenly remembered that Kes warned them about the Krenim. And all they can do is sit back and take a shot of whiskey.

Neelix suddenly realizes that all the women he'll see for the rest of his life find Talaxians completely unattractive.

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW, Ln X!

Chakotay: Problem with the coffee?
Janeway: I'll say. I ordered a Screaming Orgasm.

Tom: Think of this as the next level of a Ms Pacman game.
Harry: Does she go "Woo-woo-woo-woo?"
Milfie: I doubt it, but that's never stopped me before.

B: Know what happens when you put roofies in plomeek soup?

T: You get to lay long and perspire.

Janeway: Like the coffee? I make my own cream.
<Group spit take>

Sorry Mister Vulcan! All I asked was if Vulcans get too tense when you lay under a blanket!

 

[Finn]

Janeway: Is the door locked?

Chakotay: Yes, Captain

*Starts licking the coffee off the replicator*

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: You call that a grande? Who programmed this thing?

TOM: Nope, she's still not drunk enough to have sex with you.

HARRY: How is that possible? It's my program!!!!!

TORRRES: This is the cool kids table by default.

EMH: I wish I could say I come here for the view, ambiance and conversation. I really wish I could.

TUVOK: Ah ha! As I suspected. Leola root is made of people!!!!!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Chakotay: Problem with the coffee?
Janeway: I'll say. I ordered a Screaming Orgasm.

Chakotay: "Looks like the replicator had one..."

Chakotay: "That's an Enterprise D model replicator. It'll throw a tantrum if you don't order Earl Grey tea once every few days."
Janeway: "I want it off my ship."

Harry: "Now?"
Girl: "Not yet, ma cherie."
Harry: "Have another drink."
Tom: "What are you doing? Getting her drunk?"
Harry: "Drunk enough to go out with me, yes."
Tom: "It's a holodeck. You can reprogram her."
Harry: "You don't think I haven't tried?"

B'elanna: "One time, at Klingon camp, I stuck a Bat'leth..."

Neelix: "Um, danger? Purple swirly thing alert!"

Tuvok: "The Jimmy Saville investigation team want to have a word."
Neelix: "Ocampan... O...cam... pan..."

 

[jespah]

EMH: "Now, the rules of the game are, any time anyone says Talaxian, we drink."

-- they all drink --

EMH: "I didn't say Talaxian yet!"

-- they all drink again --

EMH: "Wait! Oh, to hell with it. Talaxian."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Janeway: "Voyager... are we going to have to potty train you?"

@harrykim

still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
didn't get that promotion today #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager
still an ensign #voyager

Paris: "You're an engineer, so tell me: why do these tables all have a ditch in the middle?"

Torres: "To drain out the vomit after the lunch special."

EMH: "Well, at least they have a Starbucks in Detroit."

[Tuvok chokes Neelix.]

Tuvok: "Refer to me as an elf. One more time. I dare you."

Neelix: "You're an angry elf."

[The strangling resumes.]

 

[Triskelion]

Wait - if this isn't the urinal - where have I been getting my coffee?

She said she wanted Sex on the Beach, Harry.

I know, I'm looking up the French translation for the bartender.

- And then he said, "I'm looking up the French translation for the bartender."

And he wonders why he's still an Ensign?

EMH: You all have Talaxian Taint Fungus.
<Group spit take>

What? All I asked was if you like my stir-fry with morning wood?

 

[Triskelion]

Damn it!

Broken replicator, Kathryn?

Who cares. We need a technology for putting spilled coffee back in a cup.

Kim: I'm looking for a good French pickup line.
Paris: She's a hooker from Toledo.
Kim: Just a minute, I'm indexing idioms by province.

Wanna go get naked?
Does a Vulcan bricklayer get sand in his crack?

Sorry you told Q what a lava lamp was, Captain?
Shut up, Harry.

The secret ingredient in the Number Two Special is plomeek, Mister Vulcan! I swear!

 

[Finn]

Janeway: I wish I accepted Commander Sisko's gift before we left Deep Space Nine. I told him I thought there wouldn't be enough time for me to maintain it.

Chakotay: What was it?

Janeway: A Raktajino sapling and a brewing machine to go with it. He thought I might like it in my ready room.

 

[Triskelion]

- Captain, sometimes I feel that in order to get any attention around here, I should implant a coffee nozzle in my forehead. Captain? Captain!

Once, a long time ago, I called this replicator a glorified toaster. It never forgave me. Sorry, did you say something about the coffee?

Harry, haven't you made up your mind yet?

Sorry Tom, her price list has more pages than a Chinese restaurant menu. About this number twelve -

No substitutions!

Wanna go stress test a bio bed?

Does a neurostatic pulse to the secondary neocortex make a Cytoplasmic Lifeform lose bowel control?

...?

Yes. Yes, it does.

Janeway: Why did the Vulcan sell his wedding ring in the Delta Quadrant?

Janeway: He wanted to pawn far.

Mister Vulcan, you use the word "Logic" an awful lot. Actually, its root origin, <air quotes> "Cthia," is a deeper Vulcan concept that is merely translated into Federation Standard as "logic." It actually denotes a more complex meaning of "reality-truth." This goes far beyond your throwaway referent of "logic" as a simple-minded catchall idiom. A more sophisticated understanding of Vulcan logic refers to deeper connotations of the psychosocial/ ethno-mythology of logic as objective fact - beyond even perceptual contexts of a given observer - as opposed to your typical rationale. It invokes emotional mastery and the pacifism espoused by Surak, whose epistemological definition of <air quotes> "Cthia" would actually exist in contradiction to <air quotes> "Logic" as you so often bring up. Surak was a famous Vulcan phil-aggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

[LeadHead]

Janeway: Computer, when I ordered a "grande" coffee, I meant for it not to be more liquid than the cup could hold.

Kim: According to the menu, we can't afford anything at this bar.

Paris: No, You can't afford anything at this bar.

Paris: So do you think the crew knows that we're dating?

Torres: After you put a "If this house is a rocking, don't come a knocking" Sign on my door, I think the secret's out.

Janeway: Lets properly thank the chef.

Everyone throws food at Neelix.

Tuvok: My Pon Farr is not your concern, Mister Neelix.

 

[Ln X]

The next caption contest will be here tomorrow.

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: I hear Mr. Paris is banging some chick in Engineering.

TUVOK: Indeed, the rumors are she is a "screamer".

JANEWAY: So, what have you heard, B'Leanna? B'Leanna? B'Leanna?