Trek XI Caption Contest #23: FINAL BLOWOUT!!!!!!

[Alrik]

Kirk: "FREEZE TURKEY!"

Nero: "Wrong franchise."

Kirk: "D'oh."

Uhura: "I don't care what your rank is. You grab me by the hair, slap my ass, and yell 'giddy up' one more time, I'll crush your nuts with my heel."

JJ. "I'm thinking about a slight wardrobe change. What if we drop the ponytail and go with two buns instead. And swap the coveralls for a gold bikini. What d'ya think."

Zoe: "Two words......Get help."

 

[cooleddie74]

Chris Pine almost had the part of James Bond. But he was TOO overly excited and dedicated to the role.

"Incoming message from Starbase 11, sir. Commodore Mendez.

He wants to know if he's supposed to be a Talosian mind projection in THIS timeline, too."

J.J. "I promise. I'll pay for the dinner AND hotel room."

ZOE:"Alright then. But if you try biting my asscheeks or boobs you'll get it where the sun don't shine."

 

[Classic Fan]

"Incoming message from Starbase 11, sir. Commodore Mendez.

He wants to know if he's supposed to be a Talosian mind projection in THIS timeline, too."

 

[Classic Fan]

Spock *booking tickets at the box office*:"I cant get tickets, Oh God, Oh God, Were all gonna miss the biggest event EVER."
Kirk:"Your gonna get me Star Trek tickets or i will SHOOT. TO. KILL. YOUR. VULCAN. ASS"

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "On second thought, I think I'll skip this class. I mean what practical use could there ever be for Oribital Skydiving anyway?"

Kirk: "What a beautiful day for a ride. And no traffic anywhere."

Worker: "Hey ASSHOLE, get off the sidewalk."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Hey, Bones!

Check out the topknot on THAT chick! I could give her such an awesome Cleveland Beehive if she'd let me!"

STREET HAWK: The Next Generation

 

[cooleddie74]

"Step away from the Franchise Decanonizer.


NOW, motherf***er!!!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Says here in the snow that Star Trek died today.
Spock-Prime: I've been dead before.

 

[cooleddie74]

Even the libidinous and always-ready Jim Kirk couldn't help but gasp in awe and fear of the giant Ice Vagina of Clitoris IV.

 

[Alrik]

*pop*
*pop*

"Stop. Or I'll shoot!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Lieutenant Uhura: I'm one sexy mutha fucker in any timeline!

 

[cooleddie74]

"STOP...

Or I'll put a CGI beam right through your greenscreen!!!"

 

[Alrik]

Old Spock: "Problem Jim?"

Kirk: "You cccccould sssay that. I think mmmmmy nnnnuts just cccccrawled into mmmmy throat."

Old Spock: "Yes. It is a bit chilly here."

 

[Candlelight]

Candlelight's mini review (non-spoiler)

This scene is silly.

This scene is cliched.

This scene is dumb.

This scene is sad (or it's before the scene that's sad)

This scene is soooo JJ

This scene is bad-ass

This scene is pointless and unnecessary.

This scene broke canon!

This actress was terrible.

This guy was a Chekov cliche

This guy needs to learn how to hold a camera steady

This guy should've been holding a gun.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: We're gonna totaly blow this punk off the road.

 

[Rat Boy]

Word of warning: even though the contest ends tomorrow morning, no spoilers from the movie.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Data: Captain Magoo, would you care to borrow Geordi's visor? You are about to hit that young man on the motorbike.
Magoo: Oh, Magoo... you've done it again!

 

[Captain Crow]

Sadly noone wanted anything to do with "Thunder Thighs Thelma".

 

[M'Sharak]

Kirk: San Francisco!
McCoy: San Francisco!
Tall Thin Alien in B/G: San Francisco!
Tall Hair-up Girl at Left: It's only a model.
Blurry Topknot Girl in F/G: Sssh!

 

[Rat Boy]

Well, folks, as has been repeatedly said ad nauseum in this franchise, all good things must come to an end. With the film now playing and our sources of images drying up until the DVD drops, this caption contest is over. Now, one last time, let's honor...

For Cadet Kirk trying to play it real cool, our winner is:

Kirk hoped noone would notice that he was wearing Uhura's uniform.

For Kirk struggling with the finer points of Romulan weaponry, our winner is...

Kirk: Pew, Pew!

Nero: Safety's on.

Kirk: Well...um... Pew, pew!

For Kirk's continued predilection for getting into traffic accidents, our winner is...

Kirk: "What a beautiful day for a ride. And no traffic anywhere."

Worker: "Hey ASSHOLE, get off the sidewalk."

For showing that some Starfleet uniforms have the wrong stuff (see what I did there?), our winner is...

KIRK:"These suits DON'T have protective lining for when you have to go Number One or Two?"

SULU:"Uh-oh."

For figuring out another Abrams homage to a movie starring James Earl Jones, our winner is...

Field of Dreams 23rd century: If you build it, Kirk will come.

For summing up what should be everybody's reaction to being featured in one of these contests, our winner is...

Spock: You will experience fear. Fear in face of certain captions.

For playing fast and loose with the canon even more so than before, our winner is...

Abrams knew straight away that the Tom Paris cameo would have to be altered.

For one last jab at J.J. Abrams' first sci-fi love...

Spock Prime: You must go to the Dagaboh system. There you will seek out Yoda.

For your usual reaction to Kirk's wild suggestions during crunchtime, our winner is...

Uhura : You want me to open what ? In The middle of a Red Alert ?

And for Chekov leaving a little something behind that will make Khan never forget his face, our winner is...

Pike: [O.C.] Damn it, Chekov! I told you to use the head before we went to warp!

For answering the question about what goes on with the actors between takes (that no one asked), our winner is...

Quinto: Chris, stop looking at J.J.'s ass.
Saldana: Zachy, play nice!
Quinto: *dejectedly* Yes ma'am...

And for promises that we hope aren't kept, our winner is...

"No fan dance in the sequel. I promise."

A pair of Photoshop awards...

Hooray for bad Photoshoppery!

Kirk: "Aw, crap."

PICARD: We're gonna totaly blow this punk off the road.

And finally a special award for best running gag...

Where the hell is Archer Lecture Hall?

Archer Spaceport and Shipyard?

Archer Memorial Station?

Archer Fine Dining?

Archer Flats Raceway?

Congratulations to our winners and for one last time, here's our totals:

cooleddie74 - 7
middyseafort - 7
Nerys Myk - 6
Outpost4 - 5
Skywalker - 5
Herkimer Jitty - 4
Kirby - 4
Woulfe - 4
Amasov - 3
Piper - 3
SalvorHardin - 3
B.J. - 3
Hartzilla2007 - 3
Classic Fan - 3
Alrik - 3
M'Sharak - 3
seigezunt - 2
Civil Shadow - 2
The Squire of Gothos - 2
trampledamage - 2
protocida - 2
26138 - 1
jptrekker - 1
Alpha_Geek - 1
Zachary_Smith - 1
Plum - 1
3 of 11 - 1
jongredic - 1
Super Grover - 1
Candlelight - 1
Gertch - 1
T'Aerwynd - 1
shivkala - 1
Jackson_Roykirk - 1
The Badger - 1
Captain Zog - 1
BriGuy - 1
J. Allen - 1
Lashmore - 1
Aragorn - 1
John Picard - 1
Samurai8472 - 1
Jimmy_C - 1
Cky - 1
S'kai - 1
Stag - 1
JonnyBoy - 1
El Chupacabra - 1
the_andorian - 1
Bad Atom - 1
Vassa - 1

In the words of the great Porky Pig, that's all folks! Be sure to migrate over to one of our other fine caption contests if you feel the need to unleash the funny. As soon as the DVD for this movie comes out, drop on by the Movie Caption Contest for more from the latest feature film. In the mean time, thank you all for participating and I'll see you at the movies.