Trek XI Caption Contest #23: FINAL BLOWOUT!!!!!!
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
Hey, thanks for the W! 
Spock (O.S.): "So, you commandeered three Starfleet-issue jump suits without permission. You went AWOL for nearly two days. You got Ensign Ricky killed, and you nearly lost your own lives, as well. Tell me, gentlemen; was it all worth it?"
Kirk: "Sir, if you'd ever tried one of White Castle's Slyders, you wouldn't have to ask."
Spock (O.S.): "So, you commandeered three Starfleet-issue jump suits without permission. You went AWOL for nearly two days. You got Ensign Ricky killed, and you nearly lost your own lives, as well. Tell me, gentlemen; was it all worth it?"
Kirk: "Sir, if you'd ever tried one of White Castle's Slyders, you wouldn't have to ask."
Kirk (whispering to McCoy): Dude, ya gotta introduce me to that skirt, er, blonde chick?
Kirk: Pew, Pew!
Nero: Safety's on.
Kirk: Well...um... Pew, pew!
Jim Kirk says a final goodbye to his favorite brewery before joining those synthehol yuppies at Starfleet.
Kirk: What do you mean were missing something?
Sulu: You mean, we were supposed to bring the guy in the red shirt back with us?
Iowa, the final frontier...
Spock: You will experience fear....
Kirk: Yeah, yeah, fear leads to anger, anger leads to blah, blah, blah....
Back To the Future 4: Even more Back-To-The-Future-y! This time with Robocops!
Kirk: That's why he beamed me down here? To clean the lobster's cage?
Kirk (offscreen, whispering to McCoy): Dude, ya gotta introduce me to that comm's chick...
Uhura: Hey! I heard that.
Pike (Offscreen): Chekov! Turn that damn game off!
Chekov: But Keptin, I only have vun more Achievement to get!
Pike: Give me my viewscreen back or, so help me, I'll hit you with my ring hand!
Chekov: In Russia, ring vears you.
J.J. Abrams explains the finer points of the two step sans dance partner. It must be an Auteur thing.
J.J.: My friend over there would like to buy you a drink...
Spocktimus Prime: "He who masters the wearing of assless chaps in temperatures that would freeze the ass off of a lesser man wearing say- pants, is capable of wearing assless chaps anywhere. That is the mark of a true Captain."
Kirk: "By the time I'm done with you, Nero, they'll have to gamma-weld you back together.... IN HELL!!"
J.J.: "Friends, Romans, countrymen. Lend me your childhoods; so that I may rape them."
Kirk: "We'll have to take a security officer down with us to the platform."
Sulu (Thinking): 'I could go for a delicious Cupcake.'
Abrams: "-And then Scotty's home in time for tea."
Cho: "That's the stupidest plot I've ever heard. Especially the bit with the clowns."
Yelchin: "Hey! I liked that part!"
Chekov: "Over the planets and past the sun! Look out stars, here we come!"
Kirk: "Chekov, just... keep flying please."
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Kirk: Wow, all of our butts look big in red!
Pine: This is good practice for the reimagining of T.J. Hooker
*cue Kenny Loggins Danger Zone*
Field of Dreams 23rd century: If you build it, Kirk will come.
Chekov: Yeah. I'm a douchebag in this version too.
J.J. : Blow that line one more time Cho, and it's bang zoom to the moon!
Saldana: What's my motivation in this movie?
J.J.: A paycheck.
Saldna: Got it!
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Chekov: Perms are a Russian inwention.
KIRK:"These suits DON'T have protective lining for when you have to go Number One or Two?"
SULU:"Uh-oh."
"De Wet Head was inwented by a little Russian New Waver from Leningrad."
Abrams demonstrates for the actors just how the Starship Enterprise flies through space.
Kirk: I'm telling yeah, Bones. The chick had a dick this big.
Abrams: "Heil Lucas!"
Chekov: "Now would really be the right time for our 'secret ultimate weapon'! ... We do have a 'secret ultimate weapon', don't we?"
Chekov: Shields up, Keptian. Shields up? Vithout our shields, ve are wunarble to attack.
"Keptin!!
De Afrosheen...it's losing its integrity! Permission to spray more!!"
ABRAMS:"...and then I want Karl to sit on your lap, stroke your earlobes provocatively and nibble your nose."
"Keep acting like we're talking, Bones.
Maybe then that ugly chick with the hair coming out of her facial mole will lose interest and leave."
Kirk: Ewwww! Spock, will you please remember to clean up after your damned selat?!
A scene from J.J. Abrams next remake/reboot/whatever... Rebel Without A Clue.
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