TOS Caption Contest #94 - Best of Show

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Kirk: "Mr. Scott, I'm sorry for your loss, but why did you jam your finger up its ass in the first place?"

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"You want this hideous thing neutered?

Do it yer bloody SELF."

KIRK:"HEY...

that was a whole slice of cherry cheesecake you just sat on and ruined, bitch!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"What the hell is that thing?"

SPOCK:"An Arcturian canine."

SCOTTY:"Believe what ye fellas want...this thing's aluminum foil tail just came off in me bloody hand."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY:"The Gabor sisters instructed us to beam the dog over first"

SPOCK:"As usual Captain, wake me when you're finished"

KIRK: "I'll have the green salad."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"If the thing is THAT damn ugly I sure as hell don't want to look at its droppings."

MARTA:"Wanna enter my Batcave?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"I'm not entirely sure what this wee lass is, gentlemen...but if I twist its antennae slightly to the right I can pick up Parisses Squares broadcasts from Risa."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Sorry, this isn't the hairy bitch I'm looking for."

Kirk: "Now this is more like it!"

 

[chancellorjake]

Kirk: "You Klingon Bastards. You've mutilated my dawg."

Spock: Madam, would you please remove your right ass-cheek from my Caesar Salad?
Marta: Would you like to see where the main course is at?
Kirk: Yes!
Spock: Check, Please!

 

[scottydog]

Balok dog puppet: "YOU HAVE FOUR FINGERS."

 

[Outpost4]

Scotty: A horn dog seemed like the perfect gift. Happy birthday, captain.

 

[Outpost4]

Marta: You said you wanted to eat out, Captain Kirk?

 

[Zammer]

Ach, Thank God Sir! I found my missing finger!

Spock: Scotty with his Johnny Walker Green AGAIN!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk: "Scotty, what species did you mix this time?"
Scotty: " A Shitzu, with an Andorian Unicon, they're mean little Shits"
Spock: "Facinating?"

Marta:" Get me some Kiwi Lemon M/D 20/20 Captain and I'll give you the best GFE you've ever had"
Garth;" Its true Captain, how do you think her skin stays so green
Kirk: " Mad Dog 20/20 eh? what does Blue Basberry do to you?"

 

[M'Sharak]

"Perhaps a Fuzzy Chartreuse, gentlemen?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Dog (thinking): "I gotta get a new agent."

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Spock; "<ahem> Ma'am could you please pass the mustard."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock, after squinting: "Captain, I would avoid using the salt shaker if I were you."

 

[Outpost4]

Staying with a theme:

Marta: Captain Kirk, I want your carrots.

 

[Outpost4]

Dog (thinking): "I gotta get a new agent."

Dog: Benji doesn't have to do this shit.

 

[Shatmandu]

From the first draft of the script:

Marta: "Pass the salt."
Kirk takes the salt shaker and puts it between his legs.
<Musical sting, over several closeups.>
Marta climbs over table and removes the shaker with her teeth.
Spock: "Fascinating."
They all begin to have unprotected sex.