TOS Caption Contest #94 - Best of Show

[Jackson_Roykirk]

Yvonne: "Hey Bill -- Adam West asked me to ask you where you get your girdles...his doesn't work very well."

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Doctor McCoy is removing the other horn ..."
Kirk: "Contact Starfleet. Request a temporary helmsman."

Spock: "Garth, the Captain prefers heavyset black women."
Kirk, whispering angrily: "Will. You. Shut. Up?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Garth: "Now as you'll notice, gentlemen, I've wired each of your genitalia to the facility's main fusion reactor. The slightest bit of arousal and you'll be glowing like the Mutara Nebula."

Spock: "Well, this should be easy for me."

Kirk: "Yeah, all I have to do is think about...

*zap*

"Damn."

 

[Triskelion]

Scotty: Captain Snuggywumpkins, sir.

Kirk: I don't know you at all, do I Mr Scott.

Four chickens. And a coke.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "That's nice, Scotty, but we were looking for a cat."

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty, feeling around with right hand: "I can tell ye what the agressive version did to the pansy one ..."

Actress, thinking: "After playing Batgirl and now this, my career is going to soar to the highest levels ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Garth: "She likes you, Captain. Go ahead and stuff some of that Miracle-Gro down her shorts."

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: Does this look like a health code violation, Mr Spock?
Spock: Damn straight, Captain.
Kirk: We're out of here.

 

[scottydog]

Scotty: "Captain, I'd like ye to meet my mother."

Kirk: "Scotty, you son of a bitch."

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Scotty: "Aye, Captain, this little buggering critter shat on me transporter pad, so I rubbed 'is nose in it and stuffed 'im in this crate."
Kirk: "Mister Ambassador, I'd like to formally apologize ..."

Kirk: "Scotty, for crying out loud, stop using the transporter to mix species!"

Scotty; Aye, not a bad wee pet, but don't let him hump your leg, the species has more than one horn.

 

[The Castellan]

Kirk: Replacing the cushions on my chair was not funny.

Scott: Speak for yee self, captin'.

Green Chick: Why's Spock the once looking at my chest?

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Kirk; Is this the "good" one?
Spock; Analysis of the stool sample gathering in Mr Scott's uniform suggests otherwise.

 

[M'Sharak]

"Aye, sir - 'Uncle Martin'. Y'see... "

" ...and Dijon mustard. Will there be anything else... Captain?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Sorry, Scotty, but we have to put him down."

Scotty: "Ach, but why? He only crapped on the bridge once."

Spock: "Mr. Scott, the pile of crap he left was three meters in height."

Kirk: "Do you mind? We're trying to eat!"

 

[Jackson_Roykirk]

No human male can break the gaze of an Orion woman once she makes eye contact.
Of course Spock -- being only half human -- can gaze wherever he damn well pleases.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Uh, Jim. Her skin isn't the only part of her that's green, if you know what I mean."

 

[MANT!]

Garth "Wait till you see her and the donkey"...

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Garth was surprised to see that neither Kirk nor Spock was aroused by the famed Orion Flatulence Dance.

 

[Triskelion]

It's my birthday, Captain.

Shut up, Spock.

Thanks for watching me doggie, Captain. Now there's just the matter of his chew toy.

There was no chew toy, Mr Scott.

Aye, there was, it was a wee squeaky banana -

You're mistaken. Tell him, Spock.

You are mistaken, Mr Scott.

Aye. I must have dreamed the whole thing up then. Ya steamin' pair o' space-happy jackasses.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Garcon! There's a girl in my soup!
GARTH: What's she doing there?
SPOCK: The backstroke.

SCOTTY: Aye, he keeps barking "Relroy" and "Ruh roh, Reorge!
KIRK: Forget that. What's this about a "Daughter Judy"?