TOS Caption Contest #212: An Answer

[Rat Boy]

Since before your sun burned hot in space, I have awaited a caption contest. Let's make first contact with...

I hate vacation slide shows, too...

Guardian: "And this is the time I sat here in this ruined city looking at piles of rubble. And this is the time I sat here in this ruined city looking at piles of rubble. Now this is the time I sat here in this ruined city..."

Kirk: "Gah! Make it stop!!

Spock: "Guardian, enough of your history. Show us ours!"

I sense another debate about the vacuum of space coming...

Spock: "It's a bet, then. If he just swells up like a puffer fish, I win. But if he actually explodes, you win."

Well, he's the perfect one to judge these things...

Sulu: Now I know that when you say "meh poor weh bairnes," you really mean "wee."

Some captains get to party with Q junior at Spacedock, this captain hangs out with the cast of Close Encounters of the Third Kind...

Ambassador: We have heard many things of your gastro-intestinal systems.

Mason: My God! You're going to steal our gastro-intestinal systems!

Ambassador: No, we heard you fart 3 times. Please cut it out.

I really wished I grabbed a screenshot of the developer's avatar, a Caitian wearing a bow tie, a thong, and nothing else, tearing up the dance floor. It's like they were channeling the old Bathhouse Bridge. Anyway, let's honor the first Photoshopping jack-wagon...

Gunny: "You know what makes me sad, doctor?"


.

And don't you just hate it when the TV goes on the fritz right before the Super Bowl?

Spock: ''We should proceed, captain. We must do it.''
Kirk: ''I only hope we're doing the right thing...''

Kirk: ''What the...?''
Spock: ''Strange. Sensors did not detect any anomalies in this portal.''

Spock: ''Fascinating. And logical order of shapes and colors, if I may say.''
Kirk: ''That's it, we're as good as dead...''

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Spock's missing out on the fun, security makes a grisly discovery, and Kirk gets accosted by mimes. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Strange, I am unable to locate this snipe of which you speak."

Redshirt Ron: "Wow, and I thought you could only go blind doing that. I didn't know you could die!"

Shatner: "Really, Fred? This is the best Theiss could come up with for the bad guys?"

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

McCoy: My God Jim, What is it?

Spock: A orange glowy thing, in space!!

Redshirt#1: Wait, the gold shirt died???

Redshirt#2: Hey, maybe we'll survive to the end credits!!!

Redshirt#3: Wait, nah, he's just asleep

All Redshirts: Aw Dammit!!!

Kirk: Damn, Ninjas

Ninja #1: Not just any Ninjas... SPACE NINJAS!!!

Kirk: :O OH NOES!

 

[jep]

Guy on left: "Psst!!! Bill!!! The outline of your man-girdle is showing."

Shatner: "No biggie, we can CGI it out of the scene."

Guy on right: "It's the 60's Bill... we don't have CGI yet.

Shatner: "BASTARDS!!!! Give me that roll of film damnit!!!"


.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the win

"It's a hired extra for season three"

"I wondered where they'd all disappeared to...

First Guy: "We're the physical avatars of your inner burdens. This is the heavy sense of command responsibility --"

Heavy Sense Of Command Responsibility: "Hi!"

First Guy: "And I'm the deep sense of shame about Carol Marcus' pregnancy".

 

[Maurice]

SHATNER: Psst. Len. The eyeline is supposed to be on the viewscreen.
NIMOY: Zzzzzz.

REDSHIRT RON: What do we do with him?
REDSHIRT REX: Get that packing crate off the wall and box him up.

KIRK: This "Men In Black" thing will never fly, Gene.
GENE: Maybe if we give them Ray Bans...

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Geez Spock, how about a warning?

SPOCK: Sorry, I had Plomeek last night.

MCCOY: We know!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win

Spock: Captain, I detect an imminent departure of a crewmember.

Kirk: That's outrageous! Yeoman Rand, check that out will you?

Rowe: It's okay Jordan, show us on the unnamed Redshirt where the Captain touched you.

Gideon Thug #1: So we're gonna hold him here and take his blood to kill our own people?

Gideon Thug #2: Exactly, and that's why we needed to build an exact copy of the Enterprise!

Gideon Thug #1: I'm confused.

Audience: You're not the only one.

 

[Rat Boy]

Guy on left: "Psst!!! Bill!!! The outline of your man-girdle is showing."

Shatner: "Oh yeah? Well your friend's pantie line is showing."

 

[jep]

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!! KILL YOU ALL!!! KILL YOU ALLLLLLL!!!!!"


Kirk doesn't take it well when he doesn't land the lead drum position with Blue Man Group.


.

 

[jep]

Kirk discovers that instead of Janice Rand, Sulu was actually working the late shift at the 'Hole.

.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Gideon Thug #1: So we're gonna hold him here and take his blood to kill our own people?

Gideon Thug #2: Exactly, and that's why we needed to build an exact copy of the Enterprise!

Gideon Thug #1: I'm confused.

Audience: You're not the only one.

Gideon Thug #2: Hey its my basement and I can do what I want with it!!!!

 

[jep]

Red Shirt coming through the door: "What. The. HELL?"

Red Shirt on right: "Tom! You're early!"

Red Shirt on left: "Aw hell no... I'm not down wid dis shit."



.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Spock: "Fascinating, Captain! It looks just like a gigantic--"
Kirk: "Johnson, raise the shields!"

Redshirt: "First you're gonna give us back all the money we lost! Then we're gonna give you a little demonstration of how we handle card cheats around here!"

Kirk: "This isn't over, Marcel Marceau!"
Marcel Marceau (OS): "Lord Marcel Marceau!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

REDSHIRT RON: Bridge,we found the intruder who looks like Captain Kirk. He might need a little medical attention. Right fellas?

All three reshirts laugh.

SPOCK (over intercom) : What are you talking about? We captured that intruder weeks ago.

RESHIRT RON: I gotta stop sleeping through staff briefings.

REDSHIRT RON: Crap, he dead!

REDSHIRT ROY: We were just supposed to scare him! What are we gonna do?

REDSHIRT RAY: Same thing we did as cadets. Bust open a baffle plate, flood the ship with Delta Rays and hope for the best.

 

[jep]

Spock: "O.... wait, it's a C. I think. T.... V... no, U.... E... or is that a B?"

McCoy: "You see Jim? He's blind as a bat."

Kirk: "He got some of the letters wrong, Bones?"

McCoy: "Some of them? That test chart he's reading has nothing but numbers on it!"



.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Rand (to herself): I just don't see what Nyota sees in that man ... Spock has the flatest ass on the ship.

Redshirt Blondie: Shit, not another gold-shirt stripper death.
Redshirt Ron: Shut it and help us shove the body into the compactor.

Shatner: This isn't another racial allegory is it?

 

[Captain Crow]

Tadd The Target: Now it's time for a little "Red Shirt" pay back Kirk!

Cannon Fodder Carl : Yeah!

Tadd The Target: Hold him down Carl.

Redshirt Ron: Guys, I don't think this is such a good idea.

Tadd The Target: Shut up Ron.

[Tadd gets ready to punch Kirk and a ceiling beam falls on him.]

[Comic beat]

[Red Shirt recycling bin]

'
Redshirt Ron: See, I told you two it wasn't a good idea.

 

[jep]

Spock: "Particle count is at zero, Captain. We have arrived."

Rand: "Captain, I still think entering a chronometric field to take the Enterprise back to 2011 so you can watch the Super Bowl live is dangerous and irresponsible."

McCoy: "Sounds like we have a Steelers fan aboard, Jim."

Kirk: "Not for long. Security, take Yeoman Rand to air lock four. Let's see how she likes trying to breathe vacuum."


.

 

[ItsGreen]

Kirk: I swear her name was Abby, Abby something?
Gideon humpback: Abby Normal perhaps ....ba-dum-bum......