TOS Caption Contest #211: A Question

[Gary7]

Spock: "I'd advise against stepping through it, Captain. Seven years bad luck."
Kirk: "That'll match nicely with your Pon Farr cycle."

Spock: "Enough of your bickering. You win."
McCoy: (beaming) "Yes!"
Spock: "Of course, one can choose to believe whatever he wishes, regardless of reality."

Scotty: "Mr. Sulu, I think you meant to grab your phaser rifle."
Sulu: "Don't you wish, Monty." (grin)

Mason: "I like what you've done with the place."
Alien: "Well it is, afterall, a cargo hold. We're just missing a lava lamp."

 

[Gary7]

Guardian: "Everything is as it was."
Spock: "Fascinating."
Kirk: "Guardian... I think you've screwed up."
Guardian: "So I have. Consider it a gift."

Spock #2: "Captain, I believe it best we depart. Immediately."
Kirk #2: "You don't have to convince me. I can only stand one of myself. Let's get the hell out of here!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN: Yeah man, but once the band takes off I'm gonna move out of the basement and get my own place.

 

[jep]

Gunny: "You know what makes me sad, doctor?"


.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Guardian, can you show us the draft with Beckwith instead of McCoy?
Guardian: No. But I can reveal Scotty selling drugs.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GUARDIAN: Oops, sorry I got my wires crossed.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Sulu: Now I know that when you say "meh poor weh bairnes," you really mean "wee."

 

[phenyx2]

 

[Amasov]

GUARDIAN: Oops, sorry I got my wires crossed.

 

[Maurice]

GUARDIAN: I am the Guardian of Forever.
KIRK: Aren't you Guardians supposed to be like 9 feet tall with mitered headpieces and beards?
GUARDIAN: Yeah. Fuckin' Roddenberry. Now I'm a goddamn space donut.
SPOCK: With or without custard filling?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

GUARDIAN: I am the Guardian of Forever.
KIRK: Aren't you Guardians supposed to be like 9 feet tall with mitered headpieces and beards?
GUARDIAN: Yeah. Fuckin' Roddenberry. Now I'm a goddamn space donut.
SPOCK: With or without custard filling?

GUARDIAN: Nichelle already ate the custard filling!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

GUARDIAN: I am the Guardian of Forever.
KIRK: Aren't you Guardians supposed to be like 9 feet tall with mitered headpieces and beards?
GUARDIAN: Yeah. Fuckin' Roddenberry. Now I'm a goddamn space donut.
SPOCK: With or without custard filling?

Scotty os: "Did I hear someone mention doughnuts?"

Guardian: screams

 

[jep]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is this? What the fuck is this? WHAT IS THIS, PRIVATE PYLE?

Kirk: "Jeez... wasn't that guy was just aboard ship, busting McCoy's balls?"

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, it's a jelly doughnut, sir!

Spock: "Mmmmmm jelllllllly."



.

 

[Rat Boy]

Guardian: "Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question."

Kirk: "All right, here's one: Kaylee or Inara?"

Guardian: "I was more of a Zoe man myself."

Spock: "Pfffffft, you're both wrong. Saffron all the way."

Spock: "Perhaps if you are so eager risk your life to fly into that giant space amoeba, we should determine who goes in the only fair manner. Ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

*Instead, kicks McCoy in the testicles and runs*

Scotty: "Ach, you're right, Sulu. I can see the yellow on this new TV!"

Ambassador: "Look, Captain, we don't know how to break this to you, but..."

Mason: "But what?"

Ambassador: "Glorp here mistook one of your potted plants as a waste receptacle."

Mason: "What? *sniffs* Oh God! How could people so small make shit that smells so bad?!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Guardian: "And this is the time I sat here in this ruined city looking at piles of rubble. And this is the time I sat here in this ruined city looking at piles of rubble. Now this is the time I sat here in this ruined city..."

Kirk: "Gah! Make it stop!!

Spock: "Guardian, enough of your history. Show us ours!"

McCoy: According to the readings, you've hit level red, "Slightly intoxicated".

Spock: Inform me when I reach level green, "Pissed as a depressed Klingon".

"And you believe you are ready to be accepted into the ancient Zolaxxian brotherhood of tap dancers? You have nerve, human; now let's see what you've got. Underlings! Start the music!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Scotty: "ye gods, it's the season three budget".

Redshirt: "Do you think they'll have enough to keep us all on?"

Sulu: "I'm sorry, Mister Unemployed, do we know you?".

 

[Mistral]

Kirk: "Spock, this thing is great! We can use it to go back in time and rescue doomed humans from crashing airliners and stuff-you know, humans from before!"

Spock: "Before, Captain?"

Kirk: "Yeah, from before the human bloodline became polluted with mix-race hybrids!"

Spock: "You're...not very observant, are you?"

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Wow... when McCoy fucks up a timeline he goes all in, doesn't he?"

Spock: "What's a "Jaffa"?"



.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Kirk: "Wow... when McCoy fucks up a timeline he goes all in, doesn't he?"

Spock: "What's a "Jaffa"?"



.

"It's a small cake with an orange jelly centre"

"And a Goa'uld?"

"I assume it's the company that owns them".

 

[LeadHead]

Guardian: Many such journeys are possible. All of them include a dangerous possibility of altering the timeline and letting the Nazis win Worlf War II.

Kirk: Lets get the hell out of here.

Spock: We're wasting time, the shuttlecraft is ready.

McCoy: We're not done with our staring contest yet Spock!