TOS Caption Contest #149: Frog March

[scottydog]

Kirk: "Never tried fisting before."

S'Kank: "Did it hurt?"

S'Kank: "Weird that you wear a toupee down there, too."

Kirk: "All right, enough about the hickeys already. I said I was sorry. < pause > Kirk to all crew: The salt monster is back on board the ship, leaving suction marks on its victims. Kirk out. There, are you happy?"

Kirk: "Funny that you have a bifurcated clit. Kinda reminds me of Mr. Spock, who has a.... Holy shit."

Spockette: "I'll do the 'forget' mind-meld as soon as I remove this wig."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk tried to remember if he usually put his right boot on first or the left one.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk, to self, as foot slides in boot: "That's the most friction any of my body parts has seen in an hour ..."

 

[Triskelion]

What's the protocol for the visit to sickbay? Ladies first? I don't think I can wait.

 

[Shatmandu]

Shatner: "I feel so hip."
Nimoy: "Sock it to me."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DEELA: Your Mom might want to wash this housecoat.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Deela: "You're not bad, Kirk. But you're no Kolchak, the Night Stalker..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DEELA: I gotta admit, using bubblewrap sheets made things more interesting.

 

[Shatmandu]

Deela: "Will your Mr. Scott mind that we used his pillow to hike up my ass?"
<beat>
Kirk: "Nope."

 

[Captain Crow]

 

[Triskelion]

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "Oh my God. Did I leave the penis rock inside her?"

 

[Captain Crow]

[Woman in background babbling about cute shoes and a dress she saw earlier in the day, the skanky girl from work, and how he doesn't take the garbage out.]

Kirk, under breath: God I wish I had a phaser.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Usually the Captain was all about post-coital cuddling but on this particular evening he simply couldn't get the ham in the mess hall out of his head...

 

[Shatmandu]

Deela: "I know time was accellerated, but I've had sneezes that lasted longer than that."

 

[Gepard]

Redshirt: "Wow, the floors are so clean."

 

[Shatmandu]

 

[seigezunt]

 

[Nerys Myk]

[/QUOTE]

REDSHIRT: I think we found the imposter!

STANDING KIRK: Seize him!

REDSHIRT: I mean you! The real Kirk would never have tossed away that banana with a bite left!

 

[seigezunt]