TOS Caption Contest #149: Frog March

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

No kiddie maladies to blame this week; just busy at work. If I can't take a minute to make a dick joke, I know I'm swamped.

This week's winners, including Nerys Myk earning the Honorary Spock Two-In-One Award, are:

Sulu: "The Captain and Mr. Scott are faking old age. It's all make-up."
Spock: "What proof do you have, Mr. Sulu?"
Sulu: "They're their normal weight. When they're old they'll weigh 300 lbs each."
Uhura: "I'm glad I won't have that problem."
< everyone snickers >

KIRK: Yeah, they'll be boarding the ship in about ten minutes, killing anyone who looks human.

Kirk: "We were thinking of calling ourselves 'The Tommy-Gun Twins.' What do you think?"
Kid: "You boys ain't from around here, are ya."

I will try to remove the image of a "texas chilidog" from your mind doctor, but you really need to stop looking those things up in the urban dictionary.

KIRK: Those are the kids who beat up you and your gang??

Spock supresses a snicker.

Very nicely done, all.

This week's bits and pieces are:

(^^^ Suggested by seigezunt; great idea!)

And as a wildcard that's ripe for the photoshopping:

Have at it.

Joe, froggy


TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik (2x)
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow (4x)
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)
cultcross
Cuhl
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (14x)
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper (2X)
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (26x)
goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (3x)
highlander (12x)
Isis (2X)
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan (2x)
John_Picard (4x)
Jonas Grumby (2x) ***SECOND IN A ROW! BIG WINNER!!!***
jptrekker (4x) ***BIG WINNER!!!***
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby (2x)
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (10x)
Milo Bloom
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (39x) ***DOUBLE-STUFFED BIG WINNER!!!***
Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)
Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (45!x)
Redfern (2x)
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (26x) ***TWO IN A ROW! BIG WINNER!!!***
Sector 7
seigezunt (2x)
Shatmandu (25x)
Shaw (4x)
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Sovay
SRFX
ssosmcin
Super Grover
Tallis Rhul
Tan Ru (2x)
T'Bonz (8x)
T'Girl (2x)
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Badger (3x)
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (21x)
The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Tribble (6x)
Triskelion (27x)
Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn (2x)
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Yeoman Randi (2x)
Zachery Smith

 

[Shatmandu]

Ensign Muffintop: "Leslie's worked all over this ship. I'm a friggin' dead man ..."

Lt. Doug: "I feel compelled to drop my pants ..."

Kirk: "I could have done without all the farting, but that was all right ..."

Shatner: "The change to Fridays can only help the show, Leonard. Don't be a bitch."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Tighten up that formation, this ain't no Michael Bay film!

KIRK: Yeah, I'll call you.

 

[M'Sharak]

Redshirt #2: (thinking) Oooo, a quarter!

Hansen: (thinking) Captain's log, Stardate three-oh-one-two point...
Turbolift door: *squeak!*
Hansen: (thinking) ...crap. Look busy.

 

[Shatmandu]

And a blank:

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "I want him found and I want him found now."

Red shirt: "The intruder, sir?"

Kirk: "No. Whoever's responsible for the gay purple lighting in this ship."

Spock: "Once again, Captain, I do regret having you sign the requisition for the purple lighting."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Okay, whoever's humming Stayin' Alive needs to knock it the hell off ..."

 

[SRFX]

Kirk prepares his patented, yet seldom-used, 'Feign Taking off My Boot and Then Fly-Kick the Bad Guy in the Face and Then Fall Over For No Reason', maneuver.

 

[UssGlenn]

"When you're a Jet you're a Jet for life"

Proof Giovanni Ribisi is a time traveler.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Suck in the gut, people, we're Starfleet."

Lieutenant Hansen: "You know, being in command of the ship makes me want to...want to...sing..."

*music swells*

Spock: "Stop that, now! Stop that!"

Kirk: "The things I do for the Federation."

Shatner: "...and watch our show completely tank."

 

[Gecko of Gorn]

Spock: "Lookin' back on the track for a little green bag,
Got to find just the kind or I'm losin' my mind...."

Kirk: Shut the fuck up, Spock!

Lt. Doug: "To dream, the impossible dream...."

Spock: Shut the fuck up, Doug!

Deela: ...with a lovely green lawn and white picket fences.

Kirk: Shut the fuck up, bitch!

 

[Maurice]

QUEER EYE FOR THE TREKKER GUY

KIRK: Damned dutch angles...I feel like I'm on Batman...

KIRK: And so I am!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Red Shirt on left:[Thinking] "Dam , that Vucan bud lick the shit out of any Earth Hooch,, no wonder they're so passive."

KIRK: "My Number?, Uh -555-0169."

Deela: "555... You prick thats not a real number..."

Lt. Doug: " She's just about done siiirrrrrraahhh"

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "I can understand why you have the phaser, Bones. You love to watch us do the nude jumping jacks. But why you, Spock?"

Spock: "Cable is out in my quarters."

Lt. Doug: "Sorry, Mr. Spock. The turbo-lift troubleshooting manual doesn't cover bifurcation jam."

Kirk: "Kirk to sickbay. One high-octane antibiotic cocktail to Lt. Slut's cabin, on the double."

Shatner: "That's right. We put on a new pair of underwear each Friday...."

Nimoy: "...whether we need to or not."

 

[Tribble]

Never enter the pink light disctric of the Enterprise alone.

 

[Triskelion]

 

[scottydog]

Kirk, thinking: "I really need to get my plumbing checked out... she was wrapped in a white sheet before I banged her."

Kirk, thinking: "Wait a minute. First socks, then shoes? Or first shoes then socks??"

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Lieutenant, only command staff are allowed to wear assless chaps!

Kirk: Follow me men, the pussy is this way!

Red Shirt Ron: We are five wild and crazy guys!

Kirk: Shut up dipshit.

Red Shirt Ron, dejected: Yes, sir.

[alarm clock rings]

Kirk, half asleep: Time to command the starship. The starship. Time to command the starship. I bet the other guys who command starships are still in bed.






For those who don't know who Fred the Baker is.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwfrBbNo5Jg

 

[johcomp]

Hansen: <sniffing> Who the fuck dropped that one?!?! It's like nothing I've ever encountered!

<Spock makes a hasty exit....>

 

[Captain Crow]