TOS Caption Contest #148: Costume Party!

Kirk: "We were thinking of calling ourselves 'The Tommy-Gun Twins.' What do you think?"

Kid: "You boys ain't from around here, are ya."




Chekov: "You lie! We all know Keptin Kirk and you are not him!"

Uhura: "Yes, we all know what Captain Kirk looks like, and we've never seen you before, Romulan!"

Takei (thinking): "Christ, if they every show this episode in hi-def, we're all gonna look like idiots!"

 

Kirk: "Well, son, the differences between a Cleveland Steamer and a Texas Chilidog are few but significant ..."

 

Kirk: "You play the piano in the parlor at 'Rosie's'? Do you have any idea what goes on upstairs at that place!"

Kid: "I'm not allowed upstairs. Miss Rosie tells me to just play the piano and think about baseball."

 

KIRK: And Sonny, keep your sister away from Carlo Rizzi.

SONNY: What?

KIRK: Trust me.

 

Spock: I know that the lightning for this scene is extremely unfavourable, and it does bring out every bump on our skin, and it will look awful in HD--but please, can we get this over with?

 

MINDMELD...Apply directly to the forehead.

 

I will try to remove the image of a "texas chilidog" from your mind doctor, but you really need to stop looking those things up in the urban dictionary.

 

Spock (in trance): ...no regular bowel movements... (out of trance) Well, that would finally explain your irritability, doctor.



Spock: You will tell me how to get the lights on the panel behind you to blink in the correct order!

 

Kirk: "A ship's Captain is married to the ship, and the ship provides various Yeomen as sexual surrogates. It's like an open relationship."

 

Doctor, you WILL purchase season 3 in Blue-Ray..

 

AU Spock was VERY protective of his peg board.

"Where did my screwdriver holder go?"

 

Never go back to the same barber you stiffed on a tip.

 

McCoy: "Take me...to Mt. Seleya..."

Spock: "Mt. Seleya? Trust me, you don't wanna go to Mt. Seleya. Mt. Seleya is like...the Catskills. If Shecky Greene were a Vulcan, he'd be playing Mt. Seleya."

 

Chekov: So they can do your ears and eyebrows vell enough to pass as Romulan, but they can't do anything about that gut?"

 

Kirk: Make one joke about a double-circumcision and you'll be peeling space potatoes till Lennon and McCartney get back together.
Chekov: Lenin? In Home Alone XIII? That vould be hilarious.
Uhura: Are they a double whammy? Or a biggie and a littley?
Sulu: Do they have matching nicknames? Like Winky and Blinky? Or different names, like Belvedere and the Fonz?




Spock: That was not a gay joke. Remember.
McCoy: Forget, more like it!



Koik: Where's your gun, kid?
Kid: Why don't you go date an ape and kiss your own ass?
Spock: Logical.

 

Koik: "For a lot of reasons, never go into a bathroom stall with a Klingon."





Koik: "And this is the best place to ride?"
Lil' Al: "Yep."
<Lil' Al gets in car, runs over both, drives off.>






Koik: "Vulcan hookers are the best. Have your testicles nerve-pinched just once, and you'll never go back to Puerto Ricans."

 

McCoy: You're grabbing the wrong head.

 

Mirror Spock: "A pinkie ring? You got a coke spoon on a chain around your neck, too, dude?"





Mirror Spock: "Hmmm. After seeing your sexual predilections, I'm not surprised your wife dumped your freaky ass, pervert."

 

Kirk: "Out of the mouths of babes."

Kid: "Who you callin' a babe?"

Kirk: "I'm..."

Director: "Cut! Okay, that's it for tomorrow."

Shatner: "But we only did five seconds!"

Director: "You know the union rules."

Shatner: "Fuckin' child labor laws."



Uhura: "Thanks for using all my eyebrow pencil, jackass."



Spock: "Did your nose just run all over my thumb?"