TOS Caption Contest #144: Hands-On Treatment

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

I know, I know. I'm late. I'm sorry. My kids are little bio-terrorists, so everyone's sick. Even the dogs are avoiding the bathrooms.

The plan is to get back to changing these out on Saturday afternoons. Barring any more gushing family members, that'll happen.

It was very difficult to judge this week. You folks are very creative.

The winners, including two first-timers, are:

Mudd: "And this is the wife... Stella Mudd."
Stella: "That's Stella Janeway Mudd you ignoramus!"

Georgian Hooker #1: "Someone should have warned us Dragon Con was this weekend."

Kirk: "Can's free."
All: "We'll wait."

Kirk: Where's Sulu?
McCoy: Inside that box Chekov's lying on. They've found out what the hole on the top's for.

Uhura: Oh my God, DeSalle has the smallest pecker. Even for a white guy.
Chekov: I'm going to send this picture to everyone's screen. He'll be sooo pissed, but he'll never know who did it.

MUDD: Oops, I messed up the file name. This is the Stella Stevens model.

KIRK: I'll be in my bunk.

Today on Jerry Springer: Men who travel the galaxy to leave their wives, and then bring their wives along with them.

Nicely done, all.

This week's hits are:

And the wildcard:

Have at it.

Joe, covered in feces and vomit



TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik (2x) **** BIG WINNER! ****
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow (3x)
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)

cultcross
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (12x)
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (26x)

goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (12x)
Isis
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan (2x)
John_Picard (4x)
jptrekker (2x) **** BIG WINNER - GREAT PHOTOSHOP! ****
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby (2x)
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (9x)
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (37x)

**** BIG WINNER! ****
Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)

Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (44!x)

**** BIG WINNER! ****
Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (22x)

Sector 7
Shatmandu (25x)

Shaw (4x)
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Sovay
ssosmcin **** FIRST TIME BIG WINNER! ****
Super Grover
Tallis Rhul
Tan Ru
T'Bonz (8x)
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Badger **** FIRST TIME BIG WINNER! ****
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (20x)

**** BIG WINNER! TWICE IN A ROW! ****
The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Tribble (3x)
Triskelion (20x)

Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Yeoman Randi
Zachery Smith

Mudd Club

 

[Shatmandu]

<Kirk reaches up, catches blown kiss, and pats his heart with it. The doors close, and he uses the same hand to make a jerk-off motion.>

(Not a caption, but what the hell is going on with De Kelley's ring finger fingernail here?)

Spock: "As you were, Mr. Boma."

Kalomi: "Need more leaves?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: On second thought. No, I won't have a hit.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

"I'm Rick James, bitch!!"

"Dear Diary. Today my feelings of love for Mr. Spock were sorely tested when I inadvertantly discovered him crapping in my garden..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

I thought we'd ditched her!

 

[Nerys Myk]

LEILA: So whats this new crop your brother Carl wants to try?

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Weeds. I need a ho."
Leila: "At your service."

 

[MANT!]

"DAMN IT!! THIS IS A WESTERN!! DEATH VALLEY DAYS!! BILL, YOU'VE GOT TO LET GO OF THAT " STAR TREK" SHOW..IT WON"T AMOUNT TO A CROCK OF CRAP!! YOU KEEP IT UP, WE'LL BE CUT OUT OF THIS EPISODE!!"

From off camera "Too late"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kelley: "I'LL SHAKE THAT FUCKIN' WIG OFF YOUR HEAD! WHERE'S MY PINKIE RING?!?"
Shatner: "Oth-er ... haaaaand ..."
Kelley: "Oh. <looks> Nevermind."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Shaw: My breath still smells like your man jam, Jim dear.

McCoy: Climb the steps, Jim! Climb the steps of Mount Selya!

Reger: You handle the shaft like an expert.
Spock: Thank you, sir. You are too kind but I had personal instruction from Captain Kirk.

Spock: I'm adding a fresh batch of fertilizer, directly from the source as the captain instructed.

Stella: JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK! You promised you'd call, but you never did. You manwhore!

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk <thinking>Hmm...now did Spock say she had the Risan Festering Fungus because he wants her for himself? Or... Does she really have it?
Yeoman: Going my way?
Kirk: Up or down?
Yeoman: Sideways.
Kirk <thinking>: Only one way to find out.

Dammit man! MRS GARRETT LOVED ALL HER GIRLS EQUALLY!!!

What do you need it for?
I've got a date with Edith Keeler. This ten foot pole will suffice.

Careful, Spock. The mechanical rice picker is coming.

 

[Nerys Myk]

"OF COURSE ARABIC NUMBERS ON THE CLOCK DON'T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE!!!!! "

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk (thinking): Bitch tried to throw me under the bus. Like I'll call her back after that.

McCoy: "THIS...IS...GEORGIA!"

Spock: "Curious. I seem to recall being surrounded by these in a caption contest many years ago."

Since there were no animals, the colonists needed to make do with fresh Vulcan manure.

Kirk: "Ah, crap, we beamed up the wrong one."

 

[Tribble]

Kirk: Maybe the... Titty Twister club... wasn't... such a good... idea after ... all...

Handjob -- you are doing it wrong.

 

[Triskelion]

Yeoman: Nice man-bag... Mary!

 

[Tribble]

Kirk, thinking: Women in shop windows. Where are we, Amsterdam? Not that I'm complaining...

Spock, thinking: The geocash should be right here...

 

[Mysterion]

Good-bye, Captain. You're really swell, and you know how to treat a female-impersonator.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Murderers! Assassins!
Kirk: Been hitting the cordrazine again, Bones. You really outta get some help.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Woe is me! Two in a row! I've probably used up my Caption Compo Karma for a year. Still, once more unto the breach!

Ensign Mary: "Thanks for the hair gel."
Kirk: "It's supposed to be taken orally."

McCoy: "She left me with nothing but my bones, Jim! NOTHING BUT MY BONES!!!!"
Kirk: "You don't say..."

Spock: "When I finish with this, it'll be a didgeredon't."

Kalomi: "Be vewwy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits."
Spock: "What, pray tell, is up?"

 

[scottydog]

Woman: "Once again, I found jism dripping from the turbo-lift handle. What do you intend to do about this?

Kirk: "Mr. Sulu, have you had breakfast yet?"

McCoy: "I'm telling you the salt creature's mouth LOOKED LIKE THIS!"

Spock: "I am trying to ascertain what the Captain meant when he said 'My ass is grass'"