TOS Caption Contest #136: Creeps, Peeps, Beeps, and Sleeps

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

Not much time to dilly-dally at changeover time, so here are your winners:

Spock: One penis or two?

Finnegan: "FECK OFF!"

When the kids started getting dizzy, Kirk suddenly realized that he had the drink orders mixed up.

Very nice, you three. Quick and to the point.

I noticed, too, that our own Rat Boy has won this contest an astonishing 40 times! That's a lot of dick-and-fart jokes, sir. Well played.

And thanks again go out to EnsignHarper for the Finnegan suggestion and pic supply. Much appreciated.

This week's jabs are:

Have at it.

Joe, quickly


TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (22x)

cultcross
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (11x) Big Winner!
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (25x)

goldbug (2x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (12x)
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Johnnyracefan
John_Picard (4x)
jptrekker
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (7x) Big Winner!
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (30x)

Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)

Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (40!x)

Big Winner!
Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (20x)

Sector 7
Shatmandu (25x)

shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Super Grover
Tan Ru
T'Bonz (8x)
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (18x)

The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Triskelion (13x)

Tristan
Turbo (2x)
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Zachery Smith

Mudd Club

 

[Shatmandu]

McGivers, sighing: "I always fall in love with gay men ..."

McCoy: "Young lady, I didn't order the Captain's pipes cleaned until next week."

Kirk: "Well, something smells like shit. It ain't me, and it ain't Spock ..."
Pike: "Beep-beep. Beep-beep."
Spock: "Jeez, stop picking on the poor bastard."

Spock, sleeping: "... pussy ... blowjob ..."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Yeah? You know what I think, Judge Pigshit? You're a pus-filled, crappy bag of hot wind and targ dung who couldn't preside over a game of tiddlywinks. Best of all, you can't understand a word of this, because it's all just beeping to you"

"Actually we had a vocorder installed for this session, Mr. Pike"

"Ah, crap".

"...and what I'm trying to say Spock, when it gets right down to it, is- is there more to James T. Kirk than sexual harassment, hammy overacting and ripped shirts? Sure, the fans appreciate me, but that's different, they have to, they're fans. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore Spock, and I just know you'll listen attentively, and I really appreciate that..."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

McGivers: "So, then I was saying to M'Ress, I says to her, "you'd better not be getting hairs over my console station, missy, or I'll be complaining to Mr. Spock". And she says, "well, that aint my problem is it, Marla?" And I says, "ooh, you're getting THIS close, missy", and then Spock came over and ooh was she in trouble, 'cause you remember Keyboard Cat, right? Turns out that was her cousin, and you remember last caption contest but two in the Movies forum when Spock was doing the computer thing and he got played off thrice..."

Khan: "Mmm-hmmm? Hmmm".

Crewmen detected.

Crewman identified: McCoy.

Status: Doctor. Irrelevant. Dismissed.

Crewman identified: female.

Status: available.

Target acquired.

"Why hello there, crewman. What can I do for you, today? Oh, you're dismissed, Bones".

 

[T'Boggan]

Khan finally assembled his sex doll only to discover he it had better hair than he did.

McCoy: Yeoman its you or me dear and frankly...I outrank you!

Spock...I told you always keep his hands on the outside..

"HI Sarek here, Im not in right now...please leave a message after the tone, unless you that shiftless half breed knob end of a son of mine in which case go f*$" yourself!

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Khan: And then I'll introduce a Ceti Eel about here...

 

[M'Sharak]

"Come in, Bones. The yeoman was just leaving... weren't you, Janice?"
"Mhm-hmmmm."

[Text message appears on PADD]
"It may be possible to "obtain" further evidence, should such be required,
and should adequate and appropriate compensation be forthcoming.

-- Carl"

 

[26138]

Khan: That's a very interesting hair piece... I take it you got it from the same place that Kirk frequents?

 

[Rulius]

LICE?

 

[Rulius]

McCoy: Let's go you two, time for the inaugural co-ed naked jumping jacks..

 

[Rulius]

Just sign it Spock. you'll love a time share on Altair 6

 

[Rat Boy]

Well, it seems only fitting that Joe gave me my first win and now my 40th.

Khan: "Superior ability breeds superior fashion sense."

Rand: "Why does he have to be here for my nude jumping jacks?"

McCoy: "Protocol."

Kirk: "I so wanted you to say 'I stand relieved,' but no, you chickened out."

Nimoy: "Bill's been fiddling with the script again."

 

[Shatmandu]

Khan: "... so then I says to that bitch, I says, 'Bitch, I gots mine! You needs to gets yo' own!' and that bitch says ..."
McGivers: "I've really got to go ..."

Rand: "No, I don't know where his pants are."

Kirk: "Man, if my dick and balls and shit ever gets burned away like that, just friggin' kill me, okay?"
Spock: "Captain, please ..."

Spock didn't like writing the answers on his pantleg, but he had to get this promotion to have a chance of getting the fuck off the Enterprise.

 

[Rat Boy]

Khan: "So, whatever happened with that whole OJ trial? Did they throw his ass in jail?"

Marla: "Weeeeeeeeeell..."

 

[UssGlenn]

McGivers: "Since when does removing 4 pins make this hairdo simple?"

Kirk: "Hold perfectly still, they're sculpting this year's Hallmark ornament from life."

Spock: "Now watch as I make this table levitate."

 

[Triskelion]

McGivers: I've never had a Spaniard - I mean, a Sikh before.
Khan: Muy bien.

Rand <whispering>: I'll come back tomorrow. This one never gets my braids the way I want.
McCoy<whispering>: Me too. The inadvertent crotch-brushing when he clips my burns gives me the creeps.

Kirk: One lump or two, Chris?
Pike: Beeeeep.
Kirk: Two lumps, please, barista.
Spock: It's barrister, you couple of idiots.

...Outpost4...NO MUGATO!! NOOOO!!

 

[SeerSGB]

Kirk: My God. What noble sacrifice he made for his crew...

Spock: Jim, he just spilled a cup of McDonald's coffee in his lap.

 

[NTRPRZ]

Khan: A hickey?!?! KKKIIIIIIRRRRKKKK!!!!

 

[NTRPRZ]

Pike (thinking): Hee, hee! I'm not wearing any pants!!

 

[NTRPRZ]

Spock: I hate these damned soduku.