flushing sound
Kirk: "We have to get toilets installed on the ship."
Spock: "Regulations state clearly, one Starfleet issue commode to each Starship Class Vessel."
TOS Caption Contest #136: Creeps, Peeps, Beeps, and Sleeps
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
flushing sound
Kirk: "We have to get toilets installed on the ship."
Spock: "Regulations state clearly, one Starfleet issue commode to each Starship Class Vessel."
Kirk, sniffing: "Smells like you need to take ol' Hot Rod here in for a wash-n-wax, Spock."
Kirk: "Man, a guy could smuggle a lot of weed in there. Food for thought."
Kirk: "Feh. If that was me, I'll bet I could do Morse code or something."
Kirk: "No penis?"
Pike: "Beep-Beep."
Kirk: "No balls?"
Pike: "Beep-Beep."
Kirk: "No taint? Surely you got a taint still."
Pike: "Beep-Beep."
Kirk: "Jeez. No asshole? You can't shit?"
Pike: "Beep-Beep."
Kirk: "Would save a lot of time, I suppose. I have trouble shitting sometimes. No arms?"
Pike: "Beep-Beep."
Kirk: "Couldn't scratch your nuts even if you had them, huh?"
Pike: "Beep-Beep."
Kirk: "No legs?"
Pike: "Beep-Beep."
Kirk: "No feet?"
<Spock glances at Kirk, silently saying, "How could he have feet if he doesn't have legs, you dumbass?">
Pike: "Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep ..."
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Mr. Spock: "What? '404 - Page Cannot Be Found'...THE PORNO!"
Spock: "HR is making me read this: 'I hereby apologize for the incident in question. Referring to my genitals in such a manner was wrong.'"
Spock: "... soup and sandwiches, that's good. Wednesday is taco day, that's cool ... Aww, jeez. How many fucking Thursdays are we going to have tuna mac for lunch, dude? I walk around like I got Louis Armstrong in my pants until Sunday off that shit."
All of his constant shouting finally caught up to him.
Spock discovers he cannot mind-meld with formica.
MARLA:"Can you give me blonde highlights? I always wanted to look like the town cumdumpster."
McCOY:"Aren't you due in sickbay for your quarterly gyno exam...like...NOW?"
SPOCK:"Captain Pike wanted me to tell you, sir...he thinks you're a giant primadonna and your feet stink."
"This menu doesn't have any appetizer selection?
AWAY WITH IT!!"
I don't care if all the cool crewmen are over at that table. I've got my ASCII D&D magical friends.
McCoy: Nice mood lighting, Jim.
Rand: Yeah, he's microwaving Jiffy Pop. I'd get out of here if I were you.
Khan: It's a small thermal exhaust port just above the main port.
Beep beep beep beeeep beeep beeeeeep beeeeep!
What's it mean, Spock?
Something about losing battery power on the right side.
Beeeep Beeeeeep!
KHAN:"There.
Soft.
Hot.
Slutty."
"The yer 2267...and we still use elementary school cafeteria tables for official meetings?"
Spock: "I have some free time. I think I'll read Mistral's latest fanfic."
'Ensign jorge Ramirez was flying a shuttle from-' *Zzzzzzzzzz*
Khan: "Rumor has it that you can suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose."
Marla: "Oh, that's no rumor."
McCOY:"Go easy Rand, he's nearly rubbed the damn thing raw."
Kirk: "So he can't move a muscle or make a sound."
Spock: "Correct."
Kirk: "But the trade off is, his mobile life support station comes with a kegerator and a virtual entertainment system including one of the largest porn data bases ever?"
Spock: "Also correct."
Kirk: "Could be worse."
Pike: "Beep, beep, beep, beep."
Kirk: "Spock, what's he trying to say?"
Spock: "If I understand correctly, I believe he said 'true dat'."
Spock: "OMG Jerry was right! i DO have man hands!"
Kirk: "Whew, that was one tasty doobie"
McCoy motioning to Rand's head: "Yeoman, got any pretzels in there? I think the Captain has the munchies"
Khan: Just one question, Lieutenant -- if I am such an important figure in
history as you tell me I am, how is it that sooooo many people are unable to
correctly spell my name? I think that you historians are not earning your pay!
McGivers (thinking): Oh, no...
Khan: As a Sikh, I am required to have a beard. Therefore, I select you to fulfill that role.