TOS Caption Contest #133 - Alternate Universe

[battrekker]

KIRK: Mr. Jones, please remove that huge sticker from the lift doors.

 

[Shatmandu]

Noel: "In your case, our Christmas party story ends with you not being able to get it up, then weeping and punching yourself in the crotch while I call Security."

*God power sound*
<McCoy and Scotty double over, falling to floor.>
Mitchell: "And that's how Sulu feels the morning after his birthday party. Don't stare at me."

Mitchell: "He said the contest'd change by Sunday, but we're still here."
Scotty: "Happens all t'time, lad."
Mitchell: "Oh."
McCoy: "He's like a Reverse-Scotty: multiply his estimates by three."
Mitchell: "Oh."
*God power sound*
<Nothing happens.>
Mitchell: "Shit."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "The banana peel again, Jones?"

Uncontrollable Libido Noel: "A shame it only happens once every seven years. After I get done with him, he'd last another fourteen."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY (thinking) Dont look at her ass...Dont look at her ass...Dont look at her ass...

MITCHELL: Stop thinking about her ass!!!!!

SCOTTY (muttering) stupid Espers

 

[Shaw]

SCOTTY (thinking) Dont look at her ass...Dont look at her ass...Dont look at her ass...

MITCHELL: Stop thinking about her ass!!!!!

SCOTTY (muttering) stupid Espers

NOEL: Mister Scott! ... Scotty.

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "The other guy liked it when we pinched his ass."
Scotty: "Aye. Stick in the mud, ye are."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Why does it smell like farts up here so often?"

 

[Shatmandu]

*God power sound*
Mitchell: "There. You don't have to worry about your panties showing because you're no longer wearing them."

Scotty, thinking: "I'd like to spend a duty shift sweatin' in your Jefferies Tube, lass ..."

 

[M'Sharak]

Mitchell: Did you ever wonder, Doctor... ?

*God power sound*

Scotty: Crap.
Mitchell: Sorry about that, Mr. Scott. Got away from me a little, that time.

Chekov: Monkeys is de craziest peepul. Right, Meester Jones?
Meester Jones: Oh, yes - right you are, sir!

 

[cooleddie74]

HELEN:"FRESH!"

GARY:"Bitch."

SCOTTY:"Nice ass."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"You tell Dave Clark and Peter and Gordon this ship WON'T negotiate!! Never!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Uncontrollable Libido Noel: "Mind if I toss your caber, Mr. Scott?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

NOEL: Am I doing them right doctor?

MCCOY: If thats wrong. I don't wanna know whats right.

Gary's use of his god power in combination with the words "Helen Noel" and "nude jumping jacks" caused a rift in the time space continuim

 

[cooleddie74]

HELEN:"Captain Mitchell says its too cold on the bridge and I'm showing it.

What do you think, Mister Scott?"

SCOTTY:"That it suddenly got a WEE bit warmer in here just now, lass."

 

[Rat Boy]

Uncontrollable Libido Noel: "Ready, sexy?"

Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy: "Could you, uh, give me a few minutes, little lady?"

Mitchell: "Now I see why Man was not meant to play God."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Sorry, Ensign.

We need you on this ship. You're just going to have to tell that Brady girl you CAN'T go to her dance."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Hot diggity damn, I discovered the cure for impotence!"

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"I...I think the damn thing just moved!

It's still ALIVE!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Gary's use of his god power in combination with the words "Helen Noel" and "nude jumping jacks" caused a rift in the time space continuim

Mitchell: "We'll get you back to your rightful universes in a jiffy."
All McCoys, as one: "The Hell you will ..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MITCHELL: I'm telling you Scotty, he went down like a chump! One flick of my finger and he was begging for mercy! He.... he...he's right behind me isn't he?