TOS Caption Contest #114 - Sample In A Jar

[Santa Kang]

CHAPEL ONE: You only changed my hair???

TALOSIAN: Its still regualation.

PIKIRK: The network suits will never notice.

 

[Gertch]

"Well, it took a couple hundred years but this is the last of the Obama kool-aid."

or

"I've started carrying this around. Look how big my hand looks now." *wink wink*

 

[Triskelion]

McCoy: They've started using novelty ice cubes in the rec room dispenser.
Kirk: Boobies.

 

[Santa Kang]

(Sluuurp...Sluuurp)

KIRK: Could you take that elsewhere? Some of us actually work when we're on the bridge!

 

[Shatmandu]

Pike: "Stop telling people you blew me! They'll think I'm gay!"
Keeper: "Under this mumu, I'm a female."
Pike: "... Oh. Thanks for the head, then, baby. Let's go, girls."
<Enterprise crew leaves>

McCoy, frustrated: "Eating asparagus would cause it to stink, yes, but it wouldn't cause your urethra to come out."

Pike: "Stand in front of us and say 'Bueller' over and over again, and I'll burn you a hole in that butt head of yours."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Well, if you didn't want a condom floating in your Sprite, you shouldn't have gotten your drink in the black part of the ship."
<Kirk nudges McCoy.>

 

[Shatmandu]

Pike: "Our balls did not touch!"

Pike: "You want to be on my ship, you'll follow the doctor's orders and do the nude jumping jacks."

Pike: "He showed me a reality where characters from a TV show sit in a canteen and wait to be called up to a caption contest."
Number One: "Huh?"
Pike: "I had to drink coffee with some backwards-talking, fish-looking asswipe for years."

Keeper: "That thing wouldn't happen to have a 'Gently Tickle' setting, would it?"

 

[SantaEddie74]

PIKE:"If you don't release us, I am SOOOOOO going to Epilady the hell out of your nostrils."

KIRK:"What's that?"

SPOCK:"Your son...if your aim at the pool party had been better."

 

[highlander]

Pike: "I told you...NO CROSSING SWORDS IN THE SHOWER!!!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Pike: "Let us go, or I'll have this bull dyke rip your head off ..."

McCoy: "While I had him under, I removed Spock's inner-eyelids."
Kirk: "Just for the hell of it?"
McCoy: "Pretty much."

 

[Outpost4]

Pike: I had everything moving towards a threesome, Pops, and then you showed up!

The International Space Station's new urine-to-drinking-water processer needed a little fine tuning.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "You know, Jim, we could have saved a lot of time if we just poured water on the Exeter's crew."

 

[Shatmandu]

Pike: "Quit making me think I'm attracted to this cold, sterile, unresponsive bitch."
Keeper: "That ain't me."

McCoy: "Spock can come back on duty after he's done molting."
Kirk, shaking head: "Goddamned aliens ..."

 

[SantaEddie74]

"DAMMIT, I want to you film what I'm going to do to these two Earth women with the organ between my legs and you are going to LIKE IT!!!"

"Sorry, Jim.

This was all the Ramen we had left in the galley."

 

[SantaEddie74]

PIKE:"Three AAA batteries.

Now."

 

[Santa Kang]

PIKE: Ok, now you're getting ridiculous!!!!

or

VOMIT: What do you mean, you sold the publishing rights???

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Snuff films, 23rd Century Style

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

PIKE:"Who won the FA Cup final back in 1959?"

Uh...the Borg control the means of production...struggle of the Talosian proletariat?

 

[Rat Boy]

Keeper: "My neck, my neck!"

Grignak: "Oh, forgive. I here am new."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Took about three-hours and my hand is cramped, but I finally got that sample I needed outta Spock.
Kirk: Bones, you know I would've been more than happy to help you with that.
Uhura (to herself): I knew it.