TOS Caption Contest #114 - Sample In A Jar

[highlander]

Pike: "Stewie Griffin I presume?"

 

[Rat Boy]

It was Kirk's turn to be drug enforcement officer.

 

[highlander]

Kirk: "Bones is that what I think it is?"
Bones:"Yes Jim, someone ate my egg drop soup. Then filled the container with water and a used condom."
Kirk: "OK that's not at ALL what I thought it was."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Pike: "Telepathy, motherf***ker, do you transmit it???!"

 

[highlander]

Bones: "Yep, distilled tribble piss. Really fucks you up."
Kirk: "So, same time tonight?"

 

[26138]

Pike: Now you're going to watch Trek XI... or else...

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

McCoy: "As you can see, the embryo has your DNA."

Kirk: "I shall call it Pine. It smells fresh like a forest. Like my farts."

Pike: "How do you know Grignak? Where's Vomit??! Where were you on the night of the first TOS Caption Contest? I WANT ANSWERS!"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kelley: "Not only are their skulls transparent, their sperm is too"
Kirk: "TMI bones, TMI"

Pike: "Tell us where Vina is or you'll have another Ass shape to match the one on the back of your head!!"

 

[Mistral]

McCoy: "I don't get it, Jim. That damn computer kept telling me that my door was a jar. Does this look like a door to you?"

Knee-slapper!

 

[Outpost4]

Number 1: But, Chris, we're in love!

 

[Outpost4]

Bones: Tequilla is supposed to have a worm in it, Jim.

 

[Vassa]

Where's my Blonde?

 

[Outpost4]

Number 1: But, Chris, we're in love!

Colt: Bitch! He was mine first.

 

[E-Blonde]

Pike: You better talk mister. The ladies want to know how this vibrator of theirs was in your possession.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Look, you can moonlight as a moil on the weekends, but don't bring your work with you ..."

Pike: "Did you put your chocolate in my peanut butter? Did you?"

McCoy: "Yours is the only urine sample to ever come back as 'chunky.'"

 

[Shatmandu]

Number One: "Captain, be nice."
Pike: "He keeps showing me a future where I marry an actress named Emily McLaughlin. Less than three months later, while flying back to the U.S. from Spain after filming a movie called Viva America!, I suffer the signs of a stroke. After recovering at a hospital in Los Angeles, I suffer another stroke while at home, causing a fall and a skull fracture, ultimately resulting in cerebral hemorrhage. I die the following day from my injuries, and am interred in the Glen Haven Memorial Park cemetery in Sylmar, California."

 

[Triskelion]

I think that coffee asswipe spit in my perrier.

Captain, why does he keep saying Beep Beep?

 

[Rat Boy]

Keeper: "Your ship...release me..."

Pike: "Oh, what's the worse you can do?"

Vina (off camera): "He could make it look like the one from the new movie."

Pike: "Release him, quick!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Pike: "I'll show you how the Federation deals with transvestites, bitch."

McCoy: "Anyway, Ambassador Mugluk, our Chief Engineer apologizes for drinking you last night ..."
Kirk: "Most regrettable."
Ambassador Mugluk, via electronic translator: "No shit."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Pike: Here's the deal, Talosian, you four are going to have a little contest to see who gives the best brains 'round here.
Number One: Fo'sho.

McCoy: I took care of that problem with Carol Marcus for you, Jim. However, she still wants to name it David.

-or-

Talosian Magistrate: Brain. And brain! What is this brain?!