Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #564: New Jobs

[IMC Headquarters]

RIKER: Okay Token Klingon. Time to silence the diversity police. Bring me another of your kind.

RIKER: I guess he'll do. Looks a bit skinny, though.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

O'BRIEN: A fire? At a Sea Parks?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

LA FORGE: Setting phaser to thrill.
TROI: Geordi? Let's make an appointment to discuss your virtual porn addiction.

 

[Jedman67]

PICARD: "Are you a merry man by any chance, Mr. Worf?"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

La Forge: "I'm sorry. I thought this was where tryouts for the annual Enterprise-D talent show were being held."
Troi: "Nothing to be ashamed of, Geordi. That was a lovely soft shoe."

 

[IMC Headquarters]

RIKER: Sheesh! When's the last time you had a bath--bat'leth?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

O'BRIEN: Captain Picard stopped ageing when we dimmed lighting levels by seventy percent.

 

[Hedbergian]

RIKER: Alright, Mr. Crusher. Time for the long pants. Open fire.
WORF: BLUFF!
SHELBY: Ugh, bluff. Please don't fire.
CRUSHER: Aye sir, firing everything.

 

[Mr Soak]

Riker: If I had my way, I'd bring back the skant.
Worf: If you were any other man, I wouldn't kill you where you stand.
Shelby: Get in line.
Wesley (thinking): Oh, good. No one's yelling at me.

 

[bigglesworth]

RIKER: "Position of the Borg cube, ensign?"
WESLEY: "<Snicker> They're passing by Uranus sir."
RIKER: "Very funny Mr. Crusher."
WESLEY: "Correction sir, the Borg are stopping. <Chuckle> It seems they're interested in Uranus."
CREW IN BACK: <Snickering>
SHELBY: "Let's act like adults everyone."
WORF: "During my freshman year at the academy, I was assigned to science station Herschel, orbiting Uranus."
WESLEY: "So there really were Klingons around Uranus."
CREW IN BACK: <Continuing to snicker>
WESLEY: "Captain. I'm getting unusual readings. Sensors report that the Borg are probing Uranus!"
CREW IN BACK: <Guffawing>
RIKER: <Groan>

 

[Qonundrum]

Troi: "Maybe if I read one of these, I can find a joke that isn't moldy."

 

[Finn]

Acting Ensign's Log: The academy asked me to come up with a positive note for each day...no matter what's going on, so they would be able to determine the state of my emotional maturity. I put down that now with Picard's absence, there's no glare on the viewscreen as he walks around the bridge.

 

[bolak]

O'Brien: nah don't worry about Troi, it's just a cardboad cut-out they leave in that seat for the exterior shots

Riker: blah blah BATTLE STATIONS blah EVASIVE blah blah
Worf: TORPEDOES blah blah NO DAMAGE blah
Shelby: damn, I think I left the iron on in my quarters

 

[IMC Headquarters]

WORF: If you were any other man I would call you where you stand.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Troi: "I'm going to keep staring at you like this until you tell me where Will is."

 

[IMC Headquarters]

O'BRIEN: Spore Drive??? Yeah, I'll throw some magic mushrooms into the warp reactor and see where that takes us. You could melt the polar caps with that much bs...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TROI: I can't find one word in this Roots book about hair treatments.

 

[Leviathan]

Worf: YOU! Blueshirt. Prepare to beam down to Planet Cannibalonia with Data and I. You'll want to write a will first...

 

[Gepard]

O'BRIEN: "I assure you, sir, this is how ships were lit in the 23rd century."

 

[bigglesworth]

O'BRIEN: "Captain, thank you for inviting me to your senior staff meeting. It's rare that I get up here. I was planning on boarding Deep Space 9 when we dock and having a look around. Be nice to see some people. It gets a bit lonely in the transporter room. Sometimes I think you forget I exist. I know that's just crazy talk though... I always look forward to getting back on Enterprise... Umm... completing the next mission... Err... Are any of the other officers going to be joining us? Why is it so dark in here anyway?"
TROI: "Yeah... about that. By all means, please board DS9 and look around... It's just that..."
O'BRIEN: "Yes?"
PICARD: "You're not coming back. Cmdr. Riker and Lt. Worf are talking to Keiko right now. Your belongings are being packed as we speak. I'd offer to put in a good word with Cmdr. Sisko, but I think he hates my guts, so there's that... Anyway best of luck to you Chief."