Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #564: New Jobs

[Orac]

Worf: Mister Picard, food is not permitted on the bridge.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Kurn: K'PLAH! I apologize, Captain Picard, perhaps I should have refrained from that fourth bowl of "Chili D' Kling with Cajun Targ". So where is the "flush" button on this latrine?

Riker: What are you talking about? Federation ships don't have latrines on the bridge.

Worf: BAZZINGA! My brother falls victim to another classic Worf prank!

 

[Hedbergian]

"Data's personal log ... following an ... incident ... on the bridge today, I will be discontinuing my Gainsborough phase, and placing all my completed works in the incinerator."

 

[Mr Soak]

La Forge: Now we've separated the saucer for safety, we can turn this ship around. Transfer command to the Battle Bridge.
*silence*
La Forge: We should have gone there before separation, shouldn't we? Aw crap.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: I'm sensing fear, panic and worry.
WORF: From the alien ship?
TROI: No, from Mister La Forge...

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Worf: Deactivating Mr. La Forge's visor and then playing hide-n-seek within the confines of the bridge is neither challenging nor honorable.

Troi: No it is not, but I sense everyone here, except Geordi, finds it incredibly funny. Even you.

Geordi: I'm not going to cry. I am NOT going to cry.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Riker: You see, I pull down my tunic and my gut disappears!

Shelby: You know the seat of your pants are ripped and I can see the duckies on your man panties.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Picard: Yes, I am lieutenant fifth-class Jean-Luc Picard and I am here to make sure your Klingon prostate is not unduly enlarged. Sir.

Data: Lieutenant Picard, I should warn you that there is a probability of 98.3% that this is not going to end well for you.

Worf: I am confident, Commander, that we can make that 100%!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I believe the sight of a Klingon on the bridge has caused Lt. Picard to...what is the vernacular... Ah, yes. Piss himself.

 

[Mr Soak]

Worf: If you were any other man, I would kill you where you stand.
Data: Why are you saying that to a subordinate?
Worf: I need to relieve my stress. Stand up so I can phaser you.

 

[Hedbergian]

LA FORGE: I'm not just gonna sit around and let the Romulans take the Captain and the First Officer.
TROI: ... Would you like to sit down?
LA FORGE: Oh yes, thank you.

 

[Tenacity]

Ro: You're making this up.
O'Brien: Well, it is from a old Irish folk tale.
Troi: You just clap once and say the magic words?
O'Brien: Basically.
Ro: Prove it.
O'Brien (clap): Clap on.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

WORF: I am Worf, Son of Moog.
PROFESSOR X: So your mutation involves synthetic musical composition? You'd make an excellent communications officer, or Ambassador to extra-terrestrials buzzing Devil's Tower.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

PICARD: Jim? This man is a Klingon.
DATA: ???

 

[IMC Headquarters]

LaFORGE: How come I always go first when we play Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Klingon?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

RIKER: Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes. Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes. She'll be wearing red pajamas.She'll be wearing red pajamas, shelby wearing red pajamas when she comes...

 

[Noname Given]

Lt. Worf: "By Khaless! last week we had a Transporter double of Cmdr. Riker; and now this! What duplicated version of the Stargazer did we beam you off of??!!"

 

[Mr Soak]

Emergency Scientific Hologram: Please state the nature of the scientific emergency.

 

[Mojochi]

Shelby: Geez, what's with all the uniform yanking on this ship? Have you people never heard of shirt garters?

Picard: Oh this is bull hockey. None of you people would be on this ship if I hadn't hired you personally

Geordi: (Visor off) Marco....

O'Brien: Look Ensign, we somehow have to get past this issue of who should be in charge. If only we had some kind of trained advisor with the ability to mediate

Kurn: This chair is far to widened by a larger backside than mine

 

[IMC Headquarters]

PICARD: I...uh...have captured Meganium and Quilava... Yes. Transferring to the brig...
WORF: Why was I not informed of their presence on the ship?