Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #542: Knock, Knock

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Beware the Matte Paintings" Award, going to Bry_Sinclair for:

La Forge: Ro, hurry up or we'll become a matte painting as well!


Next, we have the "Tap faster!" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

WORF: I'm not sure...why you think...pressing different buttons...will increase the strength of this...HATCH MECHANISM! (Pushes hatch apart)


Next, we have "The internet is a long series of tubes" Award, goes to DrBob for:

LaForge: Internet tubes holding stable on neutral captain.


Next, we have the "Paging The Doctor" Award, going to Leviathan for:

Exocomp: Exterminate!
Data <whisper>: Shhhh! Not yet...



Next, we have the "Well, that fixes that" Award, going to tharpdevenport for:

Dog: Bark! Bark!

Geordi: "What's that, Lassie? Wesley's fallen down the plasma well?"

Riker: "Riker to the Captain -- we've solved that 'problem' finally..."

The Award goes to shivkala for:

La Forge: Engineer's Personal Log--Crap, which one is the ODN Conduit again?

3 KBL's this week!

The first KBL goes to Bigglesworth for:

Data: Yes Captain, this appears to be a 150 isoton antimatter bomb on a timer. We only have 90 seconds before the bomb detonates and obliterates the Enterprise. It cannot be beamed into space or moved at all due to various trigger mechanisms built-in. We must disarm it here.
Picard: Well, thank God we have our chief engineer and ordinance specialist right here with us. Geordi, doctor... You have 90 seconds to save us all... Geordi?... Doctor?... Jesus Christ!!! Could you two put your phones down for one minute and pay attention!!!


The next KBL goes to Tenacity for:

Data: "The exocomp is a sentient life form."
LaForge: "The exocomp just passed you Data in number of followers."
Data: "The little piece of crap must die."



The last but not least KBL goes to Herbert for:

Worf: I will have your awesome shoulder pads!


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!


And now to quote Craig Ferguson "Who's that at the door?"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Crusher: Surprise! You're being forced to go on Shore Leave!

Worf: Let me at those holo monsters!

Riker: A Flotter Program is running.

Worf: I'll take on that evil children's program!

Riker: It's a casino! With Blackjack! And-

Worf: This is a family show, Commander.

Picard: Worf isn't at tactical, we need to get somebody to cover.

Pulaski: Good morning, Captain.

Picard: Get comfortable at tactical, Will.

Yar: Worf! I just said to stun the spider.

Worf: It's not going anywhere now.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: We finally find the bathroom and you forget the access code????!!!!

 

[Mr Soak]

Crusher: The internet called. They want an all-female crew.

Riker: Calm down, Worf. I'm opening the little Kilngon's room now.

Riker: Gentlemen, get ready to pose. Picard's Angels have arrived!

Pulaski: Isn't it annoying that the only toilet anywhere near the bridge is in your ready room.

Yar: Yep, too good for a Stormtrooper. You took out the entire side of the barn.

 

[Triskelion]

Beverly: No, Captain, we're not here to take you away; we've only brought your invisible pipe tobacco.

Riker: Well you can't say I didn't warn those Degoban Witnesses....
Degoban Witnesses: Help you the Force can!

Riker: I'll search for intelligent signs of life.
Worf: I'll search for intelligent signs of technology.
Data: I'll search for intelligent signs of interior design.

Pulaski: Have you guys seen Data's pussy?
Picard & Riker: ............................................................................................
Pulaski: ..........................................................................................................
Picard & Riker: ............................................................................................
Pulaski: The longer I wait, the funnier it gets.

Yar: So no blue fly buzzer thingies on the Klingon homeworld I take it?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Yar: "It's a big hole. Can't wait to tell my friends -- they don't have a hole this big."

 

[Nerys Myk]

YAR: Looks like they escaped through this hole.
WORF: I can confirm the Lieutenant's theory.
PICARD: If I wanted someone to state the obvious, I would have brought Troi.

 

[tharpdevenport]

After nearly ten minutes, I finally gave up trying to use Windows 7 MSPaint. they fucked it up so horribly. It's damn near unusable.

Anyway, what I was trying to do is cut out Scotty from the hole blasted in the brig and put him into the image of Yar and Worf at the hole, with a caption:

Scotty: "What are you all standing about fur? Haven't ya ever seen a hole before?!"

 

[Tenacity]

Crusher: "You wanted to see us both?"

Picard caught Troi's eye, and made a quick thumb across his throat motion.

Troi knew what she had to do.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard: Doctor? Counselor? What's going on here?
Troi: If Muhammad won't come to the mountain, captain, the mountain must go to Muhammad.
Picard: ...
Crusher: It's time for your annual physical -
Troi: - and your annual psych profiling --
Crusher: -- and in the interest of time, we're doing them --
Troi, Crusher: AT THE SAME TIME!

Riker: Mr. Worf, this is no time for squats.

Tasha: We only needed the lock jimmied, but blowing away the door will work, I guess.

Worf: Who would listen to a lounge singer named "Vic"?

 

[Triskelion]

Tharpdevenport and folks, if you were interested in graduating from MS Paint, you could download a free copy of Photoshop CS2, fully free, fully legal and offered by Adobe.

(BTW there's a lot of good free stuff for image manipulation out there these days).

• Photopea.com
  
• Gimp
• Photoscape
  
• Inkscape
  
• Vectr
• Canva
• Pixlr
• Photo POS Pro
  
• Picmonkey

- etc.

Picard: What do you see, Lieutenant Yar?
Yar: Big ass hole, sir.
Worf: You should put more emphasis on the HOLE.
Yar: Fine, consider full emphasis on "the HOLE".
Worf: You'd think I'd be insulted, but on Qo'noS that's high praise.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Wha...? I WASN'T LOOKING AT PORN!!!!

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win, Leady

Next on Flip This Alien Structure. Yar takes issue with Worf's phaser demolition technique.

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Of course I was sucking my thumb. You try running this ship!

 

[Herbert]

Worf: ???
Data: ???
Riker: Well, what would you expect the bridge of the USS Retro Tacky to look like?

 

[Herbert]

Riker: I'll open the door and you tackle the hologram when it comes out.
Worf: You realize they can't exist outside of the holodeck, right?
Riker: I KNEW THAT!

 

[Herbert]

Riker: Work that invisible pole, Mr Worf. Work it!

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Welcome Miranda. Is Ambassador Kollos with you?

 

[Triskelion]

Beverly: Captain we've been over this. In order for us to hear you through the string, you need to actually buy a string and two cans.
Picard: <into can> THE PRIME DIRECTIVE!!! NO CURRENCY ECONOMICS MEANS NO ROOM FOR IT IN THE BUDGET!
Beverly: Really?
Picard: .............
Troi: Try the can....
Beverly: <into can> That explains why we let that asteroid hit that planet of orphans just before they could break the warp barrier.
Picard: <into can> WHO BUILDS A TEST ROCKET OUT OF CARDBOARD BOXES AND WOOD GLUE ANYWAY??!! LOUSY KIDS!!!
Troi: <leaning over into Beverly's can>Sir, they did reach point nine Cee.
Picard: THEIR SPACE HELMETS WERE PAINT BUCKETS WITH LITTLE DOORS! NOT GOOD ENOUGH DAMMIT! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! <slams down can>
....
Troi: Sir?
...
Sir? Hello?
...
I think he hung up.
Beverly: When we get to starbase I'm checking your credentials.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tharpdevenport and folks, if you were interested in graduating from MS Paint, you could download a free copy of Photoshop CS2, fully free, fully legal and offered by Adobe.

(BTW there's a lot of good free stuff for image manipulation out there these days).

• Gimp
• Photoscape
  
• Inkscape
  
• Vectr
• Canva
• Pixlr
• Photo POS Pro
  
• Picmonkey

- etc..

Unfortunately, I'm using a computer where downloading is not an option.