Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #535: Gaseous Anomalies

[Herbert]

Picard: Computer, end simulation and reconfigure. When I said I wanted a simulation of the PC game, Myst, this wasn't what I had in mind.

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Lt, for the last time, no cooking gagh at your station.
Worf: But I can't eat it live. My stomach....
Riker: <smirks> Even I ate it live, you wuss

 

[Herbert]

Worf: Captain, all attempts to reinitialize life support systems have failed. Temperature is 10 degrees and falling.
Picard: Hey, I can see my breath!

 

[Herbert]

Worf: Captain. I found it in the linguistic banks. It's from the Latin, flatus – "a blowing, a breaking wind".
Riker: <thinking> Last time I eat replicator chili

 

[Herbert]

Riker: First officer's log. Data, Yar, and I have successfully transported down to planet, Soundstagus VI.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Data (voiceover): "Lieutenant Commander Data's personal log: So far I have managed to convince the landing party that the fog is a naturally occurring gaseous phenomena and the result of my experiment in eating and producing real flatulence. I do find it odd, however, that they continue to breath it in and wonder what it is made of."

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Christ on a hoverbike Mistah Worf! No more cabbage and prune juice before you come on duty!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Nope, I'm apparently not done with fart jokes today!

Worf: "aaAARRRGGG! DO YOU SMELL THAT?! That is the smell of a warrior diet!"

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Mister Worf! Are you using your station as a hotplate?
Worf: My baloney quesadilla!

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Mr Worf, do Klingons have two sets of intestines?
Worf: Yes Captain
Picard: so that means the smell will be twice as bad?
Wof: Yes Captain
Riker: I have never regretted turning down the captain's chair more than right now

 

[tharpdevenport]

No, still got more farts jokes!

Picard: "Mr. worf, did you..."

Worf: "do not be alarmed, Captain. It is just Casper, the friendly ghost. He accidentally stepped in ghost shit."

Worf: "Funny, Tasha told me I had a 'Smokin' ass'."

Worf: "Captain, sir, I believe it is thick enough now to where you can draw a happy face in it."



And something slightly different.....

Picard (singing aloud): "Stink nuts to the left of me, Worf farts to the right, here I am stuck in hte middle with you."

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Mister Worf, perhaps you should just stop trying to reproduce Tasha's security skills by firing torpedoes simultaneously from the aft and forward tubes.
Worf: Kahless bless you, sir!

 

[Leviathan]

Riker: I'll handle this! I read about this earlier and it totally worked. Excuse me... "WHAT DOES GOD NEED WITH A STARSHIP!?".

 

[inflatabledalek]

Data: Interesting, the sign says "Jurassic World", I wonder what that means?

Worf: Oh, now you want to shoot the aliens? Shame you didn't listen to me when I suggested that an hour ago before 80 non speaking extras were killed by exploding consoles. Evolved sensibilities my ass.

Ferengi: Damn, that's our hopes of being the new big Trek villains going up in smoke.

Barcley: If the glove does not fit...

Riker: i'm so glad these guys put all their light bulbs in the floor. That's so sensible and helpful.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Are those the gloves Lal wore?"

Data: "Yes, Geordi."

Geordi: "Hummm..," scanning, "I am detecting trace amounts of Weinsteinium and Clintonium."

Data: "That would explain the crying."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"It's a purple flashlight. Sure, we have no idea what it does, but it looks cool. We'll find a use for it later."

 

[LeadHead]

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