Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #535: Gaseous Anomalies

[LeadHead]

Hello! Yes, we have a new contest and no, I don't have the winners for the last one yet. Sorry for being unprepared most of the time, just busy busy.

Our new contest shall feature great moments where smoke and gas (or in some cases dry ice) were used!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

First Officer's Log: I really hope we didn't just beam down to the cloud creature planet.

Don't make Klingons angry, they get Steaming mad.

LeadHead/Santa Garrus: Ooooooo this one is good photoshop bait...

La Forge: Careful, this hand scanner is set to kill.

Data: According to my tricorder, this ship is 70% dry ice.

 

[Nerys Myk]

FRAKES: I hope the aliens look good, because they sure didn't spend the budget on the set.

PICARD: Alert sick bay. Worf's been thinking again.

Hello Cleveland!

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: So, what we got here? Alien god or god like alien?
DATA: Could just be a non corporeal alien.
YAR: Or a holo projection from ancient A.I.
WORF: Swamp gas.
LAFORGE: Told you we should have left him on the ship.

 

[Orac]

Picard: Are you vaping on the bridge again Mister Worf?
Worf: The guy who sold me this said it's perfectly healthy and not at all addictive.

Data: The infrared hyperspectral scanner shows no traces of jizz on Geordi's gloves.

Number 1: Aw man, this dry ice is making me nauseous. I wish I'd stood in bed.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: That should do it. We're set for the Jazz hands competition.

 

[Mr Soak]

Picard: Mr Worf, what did I say about wearing your smoking jacket on the bridge?

Worf: It' a smoking baldric, sir.

 

[shivkala]

Data: Sensors indicate a smoke monster due west, The Others are North of us, the Hatch is East, and the remains of Shuttlecraft Oceanic 815 is due South.

Riker: I knew we'd get Lost.

Picard: Status, Mr. Worf?

Worf: I am fine, Sir. Klingons can hold their smoke, unlike Ensign Smith behind me who is currently puking all over his console.

Geordi: Um, Portal 69?

Portal 63: 63! Portal 69 is my cousin who went into porn!

LaForge: Chief Engineer's Log--Despite wearing the gloves, we are no where near close to being as bad as Michael Jackson. Reg is scouring the historical records and, oh, wait a minute! It's only one glove, we're wearing both! Problem solved!

Somewhere, aboard a Talarian freighter:

LaForge: Up ahead, sir, there's a closed bulkhead door!
Commander Riker moves up front and knocks on the door.
Commander Korris: Who is it?
Riker: It's me, Riker. Open up, man, I got the stuff.
(More knocks)
Commander Korris: Who is it?
Riker: It's me, Riker, man. Open up, I got the stuff.
Commander Korris: Who?
Riker: It's, Riker, man. Open up, I think the spacecops saw us beam in here.
(More knocks)
Commander Korris: Who is it?
Riker: It's, Riker, man. Will you open up, I got the stuff with me.
Commander Korris: Who?
Riker: Riker, man. Open up.
Commander Korris: Riker?
Riker: Yeah, Riker. C'mon, man, open up, I think the cops saw me.
Commander Korris: Riker's not here.
Riker: No, man, I'm Riker, man.
(Sharp knocks at the door)
Riker: Hey, c'mon, man.
Commander Korris: Who is it?
Riker: It's Riker, man. Will you open up? I got the stuff with me.
Commander Korris: Who?
Riker: Riker, man. Open up.
Commander Korris: Riker?
Riker: Yeah, Riker.
Commander Korris: Riker's not here.
Riker: What the hell? No, man, I am Riker, man. Will you...
(More knocks)
Riker: C'mon! Open up the door, will you? I got the stuff with me, I think the spacecops saw me.
Commander Korris: Who is it?
Riker: Oh, what the hell is it... C'mon. Open up the bulkhead door! It's Riker!
Commander Korris: Who?
Riker: Riker! R-I-K-E-R! Will you open up the goddam bulkhead door!
Commander Korris: Riker?
Riker: Yeah, Riker!
Commander Korris: Riker?
Riker: Right, man. Riker. Now will you open up the bulkhead door?
Commander Korris: Riker's not here.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Commander - I believe this planet is flat.
Riker: No way!
Yar: But in orbit you saw with your own eyes that it was spherical.
Data: Also - I'm pretty sure it is hollow.
Riker: No way!

Worf: Dude, where's my shuttle!

Yar: Let's cut to the chase. This one needs a brain, this other one needs courage, that one needs a heart, and I need to get home. And Geordi needs to get laid.
Alien Wiz: Still think a non-cash-based economy was a good idea?

Geordi: Hurry Barclay, time's running out!
Reg: Hey you're the one who wanted to stop and change into showgirl outfits.

Riker: Not too different from the Academy survival training days.
Data: The alien world simulations?
Riker: There were alien world simulations?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Sorry, Commander, it was a coolant leak, if you know what I mean."

 

[Leviathan]

Starfleet Directive 1598: No officer shall beam down without sufficient levels of Dramatic Fog.

 

[Leviathan]

Riker to Enterprise: We've lost LaForge. He screamed 'coolant leak' and rolled under a door before we could explain it's just dry ice.

 

[Leviathan]

Geordi: OK, now lets see what the liquid nitrogen does to a hot dog!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Okay, but remember that the Smithsonian wants Michael Jackson's gloves back when we're done."

Data: "Geordi, is it unusual to have to sanitize them before hand as much I as I had to?"

 

[Mojochi]

Data: I am detecting a tar creature, and some poisonous plants, but I doubt either of you have anything to worry about

Picard: Mr. Mot's chemical treatment? That's how I ended up with my hair

Riker: (Thinking) Must find alternate ship's barber

Riker: Don't you just hate people that leave their high-beams on when it's foggy?

Geordi: You should probably aim the containment beam at the noxious chemical, & not my hand. I promise I won't try to grope you again.

Riker: They really need to improve their laundry technology here

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA: I'm detecting a wall fifty feet from our position, designed to appear completely blue.
TASHA: Why would anyone do that? Does that look like actual open space to anyone?
DATA: Negative. It would look more like open space if they just painted a mountain on it like in 1950s Westerns.
RIKER: My god, we're on the cheapness planet!

WORF: Captain, I got beat up again!
PICARD: Good, then the intruders pose no real threat.

DATA: An energy being is attacking us again.
RIKER: Quick, stand next to the Ferengi so we look more evolved!

ENGINEER: My scans show...your hands have turned to stone.
OTHER ENGINEER: But I didn't even look at Medusa when I banged her!

DATA: Scans show very high levels of toxicity in his smoke. Even brief exposure would cause serious permanent respiratory issues. It is a good thing I do not have lungs.

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: Good idea keeping these in stasis!
Reg: I just saved us three quatloos!

 

[Qonundrum]

Data: "Sir, we have arrived in what appears to be 11th century London."
Yar: "No we haven't. And you still haven't addressed me since I bagged you 17 episodes ago."
Data: "But you said at the ti--"
Yar: "What I said then is doesn't count. What I say now is!"

Worf: "Captain," (coughs), "I demanded no filter! GRRRRR!"
Picard: "Get over it, in the 23rd century smoking was banned everywhere and there were 'no smoking' signs. Go eat a book."
(Meanwhile, an outraged Riker proceeds to think pensively of whom he Will bang and what he will contract once he reaches Risa. That always cheers him up.)

Worf: "Shiny"

...meanwhile, at the discotech...

Riker (thinking): "How can an android that doesn't eat broccoli and beans emit so much gas? Pew."



(on edit: updated photoshopped picture)

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Dude! Don't bogart that joint

 

[Herbert]

Worf: Captain! The calamarain have taken the term, "blowing smoke up your ass", literally and are demonstrating the process on Ensign Extra behind me.