Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #527: From Where it Began

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new caption contest!

First, I need to actually post winners I didn't post last time around. That;s what happens when you're trying to finish setting up the contest and go to bed.

Two Captain's Log Winners:

First, Mojochi:

Captain's Log: Upon seeing the formidability of the new Romulan Bird of Prey... we are outta here


Second, Finn:

Captain's Log: Beverly won't be able to find me in here.


And now to the winners of the most recent contest, starting with the "Escape plan" Award, going to Bry_Sinclair for:

Riker: They've arrested Wesley. Quick everyone, back to the beam-in site. Riker to Enterprise, standby to transport us back and break orbit immediately!



Next, we have the "Giver some medical drama or a Crusher in command story" Award, going to NinjaRaiden2006 for:

Gates: NO! I won't do another romance story! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!



Next, we have the "No fair, you cheated!" Award, going to CorporalCaptain for:

Worf: On your mark. Go!

Riker: Wait, what happened to "get set"?!



Next, we have the "Advanced Technology" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

Geordi: "Whoa! Coming through!"
La Forge tests Starfleet HQ's new recommendations for increasing engineering response time efficiency. #1: Roller skates.



Next, we have the "Lets get out of here before the snoring starts" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

(A few seconds earlier)
DATA: Do you mind giving me constructive feedback on my poetry?


Our Photoshop Award goes to Nerys Myk for:

ENSIGN NONAME: Is this the best time to practice bowling?
LAFORGE: Of course it is! The sector championship is coming up!

CRUSHER: Dammit, Geordi!!!!



This contests Captain's Log Award goes to Nebusj for:

Picard: ``Personal log, supplemental. Taco Tuesday was a lie!''

First KBL goes to tharpdevenport for:

Power Walking: Still a thing in the 24th century.


Second KBL goes to inflatabledalek for:

Riker: And you believed I'd marry you this time? So long sucker!



And now, in honor of the 30th Anniversary of TNG's launch, we go back to the beginning.

Here comes "Encounter at Farpoint!"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Director: The costumes aren't right. Lets trade Marina and Brents outfits.

Second Officers Log: I got this.

Picard: Computer locate Commander Data, or Lieutenant La Forge, whoever is supposed to be at this post until we figure out which one is which.

La Forge: The food court is that way, but don't we have a job to do here?

Riker:There has to be some mistake, the listing just called it a "fixer upper."

 

[Finn]

Picard: Merde! How does Data leave fingerprint smudges all over his console?

 

[shivkala]

Troi: Sir, I'm sensing nerd rage, as if TOS fans all cried out at once.

Picard: We had McCoy, what else do they want?

Yar: Did we? OH! That's who that old admiral was! Why the Hell didn't we call him, "Admiral McCoy"?

Picard: Now, Yar, we didn't want to see patronizing to the viewers.

Yar: You're a proctologist? Is that really necessary for this court?

Troi: I hope that at least his hands are warm. There's a breeze right up this skant on a good day, and that's not counting sitting on this freezing cold pedestal thing.

Picard: Worf, uh, I'm going to have to ask you to move your post. Now, if you could get up and go as far back to the rear of the bridge as possible, that would be great.

Worf: Sir, I must protest, I am vital to the operations of this ship!

Riker: Well, what would you say...you do here?

La Forge: Yeah, just down that way. *thinking to himself* Oh, man, I'm nailing this, I totally have a shot with her!

Yar: *Thinking to herself* Oh man, he has no chance with her!

Groppler Zorn: *thinking to himself* Oh man, he has no chance with her!

Riker: Commander's log--it seems the plot is destroying itself in an act of mercy. This does not bode well for the rest of our missions.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA: I believe I have decoded the energy alien's language. He's...he's flipping us off.

SOLDIER: It's the weirdest thing, whenever I pull the trigger, the gun jams!
Q: Must be a plot shield, even I am powerless against those. Try pointing the guns at someone else.
TASHA: Uh oh.

PICARD: Mr Worf, is that really what Klingons looked like a hundred years ago? Holy crap.
WORF: It is something we do not talk about.

EXTRA: Hi Mom! Look at me, I'm on Star Trek!
DIRECTOR: *Sigh* Cut.

RIKER: I'm less worried about the tornado and more worried about the fact that the sky is red.
DATA: I believe it is the human phenomenon known as "Cheapness".

 

[Hutchy01]

Data: "And have you noticed how your boobs have started to firm up? Not that we care about..."

 

[Mojochi]

Sirtis: If I have to wear a skirt these footlights have to go. They're making my knees look greasy

Personal Correspondence: Dear Commander Maddox, while I appreciate your continued research, I am inclined to do without your "upgraded" ear piece until you have fine tuned the design a bit further

Picard: You see how easy it is? Hell, I don't need any of you. I could let a kid fly the ship if I wanted

La Forge: It's right over there behind that ultraviolet resonance field. You can't miss it

Riker: When we get back I'll be recommending Geordi transfer to engineering. He's an awful shuttle pilot

 

[tharpdevenport]

Troi sat unphased; she knew neither Data nor Yar stood a chance, however, she had just watched "Basic Instinct" a few nights ago and knew how to get out of this...

 

[CorporalCaptain]

T4TW @LeadHead!

Geordi: The Disco's over there, on All Access.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: I bought a house here. Sunk my entire savings into it. It's right over there.

RIKER: Do you want to tell Geordi or should I?

DATA: No I would not like to purchase a genuine "Apple watch".

TROI: This was a bad uniform choice for sitting down alot.

 

[Leviathan]

Data: <whispering> If you let me go, you may keep the Organic Females

 

[Leviathan]

Troi: I'm sensing the crew's thoughts...something dark...something about..my uniform?!?!

 

[Leviathan]

Leviathan (September 28, 1987): Welp, the bad-guy is either creepy greyscale dude or that tree. Probably the tree.

 

[Qonundrum]

Troi:"That's disgusting!"
Picard: "Yar, change the channel!"
Data: "Are you sure this is you wanted, sir, a 212" AMOLED screen with LED backlighting instead of edge-lit for superior contrast and no haloing effect?"
Conn: "But that's my favorite p--"
Picard: "NOW!"
Worf (typing at the console to the conn station since writing and passing notes on the bridge is prohibited and there's no paper in the 24th century anyway): "S-H-H. C-O-M-E O-V-E-R H-E-R-E A-N-D W-E C-A-N W-A-T-C-H T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R."

Picard: "So, Wil, if I push this button the little yellow disc moves up? So what are these flashing dots and why are these blue, red, orange, and green ghosts coming toward my disc?"
Yar (giggles)

Troi: "How come she Tasha isn't allowed to show off her legs?"
Geordi: "The costume designer is over there. Why not ask him? Maybe you'll have better luck, he wouldn't tell me anything apart from asking me what a 'skant' was."

Riker: "Data, have you seen anything like this before?"
Data: "Yes, commander. Last week I was watching 'Spectre of the Gun' and they had a modified old west motif as well."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Marina Sirtis: If they don't let me wear clothes tomorrow, I'm quitting.

Picard: I see the problem. Helm should be on the right-hand side, not the left.
Riker: Maybe in England, captain, but in the Federation the steering wheel is on the left.
Picard: I'm French, commander.
Riker: Whatever you say, sir.

Data: The Martian insisted it was an "earth-shattering kaboom".

Burton: Over there is the studio for Reading Rainbow, my real job.
Martina Sirtis: You are not committed to Star Wars? I mean, Trek.
Burton: See? It's not coming back. They didn't even bother hiring a chief engineer character.
Crosby, thinking: Hmm, good point.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Yar: Commander! Really!

Data: Lieutenant, I hereby invoke senior officer's privilege. Besides, as an android, I am incapable of that form of digestive dysfunction.

Deanna: Speak for yourself. You could blow hair off a sehlat.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Troi (thinking): "Great, we parked the ship in the hot sunlight all day. And just when I'd decided to wear the miniskirt, too."

Picard (thinking): "Great, we parked the ship in the hot sunlight all day. And just when I'd decided to wear the assless chaps, too."

Data: "Well somebody's a big Metroid fan..."

Soldier: "Mega Man, actually."

Data: "My condolences."

Picard: "-and as you can see, Data's OPS station runs on Android OS. Android OS!"

Worf: "Captain, the year 2010 is hailing us. They want their joke back."

Troi: "Geordi, it's not polite to point. Tasha, it's not polite to stare. Creepy Grey Guy, it's not polite to do... whatever the hell you are."

Riker: "Don't worry, Mister Data, Commander Chakotay is one of the best shuttle pilots in the fleet. He'll have us out in no time."

Data: "That was him just now, wasn't it?"

 

[Triskelion]

Yar: If he tries to gropple me I'm gonna put him in a chest crush submission from a Brazilian scarf takedown hold, I tell you what.

 

[Gepard]

"And when you push this, it vibrates."

Although more technologically advanced than their 20th century counterpart, 24th century waiting rooms still had out of date magazines. Also torture devices.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Riker: "I knew we shouldn't have got Worf a chemistry set for his birthday."