Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #523: R&R

[Catarina]

Picard: Is it safe to conclude that we've had this ugly crap in 20th century American culture because of Risa?

 

[Catarina]

LaForge: *sings* plop. Plop. Fizz. Fizz. Oh, what a relief it is!

 

[Leviathan]

Murdoc: Excuse me, but do either of you "love it when a plan comes together?"

 

[Herbert]

Director: Okay here's the scene, Barclay completes the move queen to king's level 1, Lord Garth then beams up to the Enterprise with his army of lunatics and takes over the ship. aaaaaand, ACTION!

 

[Herbert]

Lead Set Designer: (addressing his team) Okay folks, the decision has been made. We need to make all the 24th century beverage containers look all futury and yet dumb.
Set Design Team: (in unison) Can do sir!

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Wow, baby got back! Now where did I put that horga'hn

 

[Herbert]

Woman lounging on the couch: I can't believe they're paying me for this

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Silva (offscreen): "Geordi! Bedtime!"
Geordi: "Aw, Mom! Five more minutes?"

 

[Hutchy01]

Riker: When does Le Chiffre get here?

Picard: When I said I wanted you riding this wasn't what I meant.

 

[Timewalker]

Voice offscreen: Hey, I read that book! It's really good - the butler did it!

Geordi (singing off-key): "Ninety-nine bottles of synth on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of synth! Take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of synth on the wall!"

Troi: When you asked me to share a riding program with you, sir, I thought you meant something with a little more action... perhaps that ancient Earth television series called "Bonanza"?

Picard: We could, Counselor, but if you recall, all the female characters on that series either die horribly or leave town. They never have a happy ending.

Troi: Good point, sir.

Barclay: Three-dimensional chess is so last century! Now if you were playing 3-D checkers, it would be a game worth my time!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

A shrunken Picard and Troi admire a holodeck door-shaped picture frame.

 

[Finn]

Computer: holodeck sanitized and sterilized. Program is now ready. You may enter.

Deanna: Riker used it last, right?

Picard: Yeah

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: This is the sex capital of the Federation? Damn, maybe our evolved sensibilities do have their drawbacks.

Data: Query Sir: We do not have pockets, where shall we put our winnings?

Geordi: I should b safe in here from all those "Gay virgin" captions.

Picard: Eh 'eck bye gum Troi, where's me whippet at?

The original attempt to have Patrick Stewart play Johnny Pickerd as a flat cap wearing Yorkshireman was quickly rethought.

Barclay: CHESS WAS ALREADY 3 DIMENSIONAL! IT WASN'T DRAWINGS ON A PIECE OF PAPER WAS IT NOW? FUCKERS.

 

[Gepard]

Picard checks if Leadhead has announced the winners yet.

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Captain's Log, I'm up all night 'til the sun, I'm up all night to get some, I'm up all night for good fun, I'm up all night to get lucky.

Data: Yahtzee!

Riker: Wrong game, Data. But, hey, keep rolling that way and you can yell what you want!

Geordi: Ah, this is the life!

Worf: Enterprise to Lt. LaForge. Remove your feet from the upholstery or face my wrath.

Picard: Hmm, maybe I should have brought my assless chaps?

Barclay: Technically, isn't all chess 3D? Oh my, that probe must really have increased my intelligence to have such insightful thoughts!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard: Ah, merrie old England.
Troi: You have an odd devotion to England for a Frenchman.
Picard: The English are French! We conquered them in 1066.
Troi: Then why do they call it English, and not Norman?
Picard: It let them keep their dignity.

Truth be told, even Jean-Luc Picard liked his dirty stories.

LaForge: A gin and tonic, and the complete Harry Potter audiodrama. What could be better?
Computer: A compatible mate.
LaForge: Who asked you?!

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Wallbanger, Harvey, Cold! Oh where the hell is that server??
Lady on Sofa: She's not an LCARS server

Data: Come on SEVEN!
RIker: Spot needs a new pair of booties!
Data: Actually Spot abhors footwear, Commander.
Riker: I KNOW!

Computer: Specify game.
LaForge: I don't know, how about a trivia game?
Computer: Name three ways to pick up a girl.
LaForge: Well, there's gypsy vio -
Computer: GAME OVER

Barclay: Knight to King's level six. Checkmate in nine moves.
Red: I was trying to lose, you dateless moron

 

[Triskelion]

Troi: Why is the Sheriff of Nottingham wearing that leather bustier?
Picard: He's under cover.
Troi: Note to self, stay in office more

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Federation Gothic -- the reverse side.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Federation Gothic -- the reverse side.

One I did a few years back