Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #522: The Grand FInale

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new caption contest! Sorry I didn't get to posting winners last time. However, this post will include winners from the last 2 contests!

First up to the plate, we have the "Product Placement" Award, going to CorporalCaptain for:

Director: (O.C.) Look like you're having fun for chrissake, we've got a warehouse full of these things to sell by Christmas.


Next, we have the "Scary Monsters" Award, going to Mr. Laser Beam for:

LaForge: Taurik! Don't move or the Plot Monster will get you!


Next, we have the "Record Ruined" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Crusher: Aw. There goes my "Days Since this Department Has Experienced a Mysterious Fatality" record.


Next, we have the "Puns OF THE FUTURE!" Award, going to Inflatabledalek for:

Picard: Let me guess, you're going to need to Sito down after all this exercise?



Next, we have the "But there is one where The Borg win!" Award, going to Starbreaker for:

Riker: No, this isn't a parallel universe where you win.


Next, we have the "Don't Mess With Alyssa" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Ogawa: It was my juice box.
Crusher: In the 24th century, the acquisition of wealth is no longer a driving force in our lives.
Ogawa: MY JUICE BOX!!!


Next, we have the "Party-Class Lab" Award, going to Mojochi for:

The hydroponics lab was always a popular after hours night spot


Next, we have the "But do they taste good?" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Data: It turns out these jars of coloured liquid are in fact just jars of coloured liquid. The Doctor just has them there to look pretty.


Next, we have the "The Original Plot for 'Emergence'" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

DATA: After we cure this disease the Counselor will most likely be working overtime for the next few months.
PICARD: Right. Half the crew is going to be burping up bits of their colleagues.


Next, we have the "James T. Kirk Repair Protocols" Award, going to CorporalCaptain for:

Picard: (thinking to self) At Starfleet Academy, we saw flight recorder playback of James Kirk fixing his starship, by pulling out live megavoltage cables in the Jefferies tube. Let's see what this does.

There shall bee many KBL's this time!

First KBL goes to Tenacity for:

Worf realized to his dishonor that his tale of heroic adventure had caused LaForge and Crusher to fall asleep, and Troi wasn't far behind.


The Next KBL goes to Mr Soak for:

Crusher: Pick your words carefully. I want this scene to pass the Bechdel test.


The Final KBL goes to tharpdevenport for:

"Sorry, Marina has suddenly come down with a cold 'or something', so you'll have to be in 'Sub Rosa'."

"But you're not even a doctor."

"The script has already been re-written to accommodate you. I'm sure your character will have better luck in the films."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, we reach the final episode of TNG, "All Good Things..."

Happy captioning!

 

[LeadHead]

 

[LeadHead]

Data: (over comm) Enterprise to Yar. Please approach Shuttlebay 2 and cease attempting to dock with the forward torpedo launcher.

Picard: I'm not going through with this ceremony. There's only 4 of my senior staff aboard and one of them isn't even here!

Picard: Yes! You really should have had Lieutenant Commanders pips in the past!

Q: You're going to bring me back for the movies, right?

Riker: Engage.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

@LeadHead, thanks for the wins!

Picard: Thank you all for demonstrating your amazing talents! Congratulations to our winner Lieutenant Worf, and to our runners up Counselor Troi ... and Ensign.

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log: I continued the 213 year old tradition of shuttling under the saucer of an Enterprise. Every Captain did this when taking command Kirk actually took the time to peek into a couple quarters. Beverly isn't here yet so...

Picard:: Mr. Worf, do you have a skant?

Worf: Yes, sir

Picard: Burn them

Picard: He actually can record things with his left eye!

Beverly: you better didn't...

*from off-screen * ...is that the dancing doctor?

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Picard: Dammit Data, pull my finger!
Riker (thinking): Wait a second...

Riker: Dammit Beverly, pull my finger!

Q: It's a paradox, Captain, which one truly did it first?

 

[Hutchy01]

Yar: Hope you brought snacks as in a proud tradition dating back to 1979 this is about to be 45 minutes of slow tracking shots.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

TASHA: You're from seven years in the future, huh? ...If I was going to die, you'd tell me right? Not sacrifice me on the altar of preserving the timeline?
PICARD: Sure.

PICARD: Sorry, give me a moment to gather myself. I forgot how silly the skant uniforms looked. Can we get a couple men in the skant uniforms? I need a good laugh.

PICARD: THERE! You used a contraction! I finally caught you! You've been messing with us all these years!

Q: Oh yeah, and if you notice any story inconsistencies between time frames, just assume it was me.

RIKER: Okay, this has been driving me crazy. Just because we're not playing with real money doesn't mean you should randomly go all in with nothing every other hand, you're ruining it for the rest of us!
BEVERLY: Says the guy who thinks Poker is just about bluffing out your ass at every opportunity.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Leadhead!

Picard: Do you think anyone noticed us having - oh dear.

Picard: On behalf of the Starfleet Space Narwhals semi-professional Parisses Squares team, I want to thank all of you for coming; but even in this century I think we can all agree there are too many dudes for a cheerleading squad. So....sorry Worf.
...
...
...
...
...
Worf: What - is that it?
...
...
...
...
...
Worf: WHAT THE FEKLAR!!!

Data: My finger doubles as a roofie detector.
Picard: I KNEW IT!!!

Q: I know you've been rehearsing it, but don't bother with the Double Facepalm Elbow-Bob. You're meme quotient is only a double facepalm at best.
Picard: But -
Q: YOU'RE NO SAD KEANU!!!

Data: Hey Deanna is here! Perhaps she can corroborate the Commander's latest tale of budoir derring-do -
Riker: Zip it Chime Balls!

 

[Herbert]

Picard: What the hell is that thing? It's shaped like.....It's....it's......A PENIS??? SOMEONE DREW A PENIS ON MY SHIP!!
Yar: <snicker>

Picard: I won the toss so I get to pick first for the kickball game. I choose Worf
Yar: DAMN IT!!

Crusher: That's the worst imitation of Michelangelo's "The Creation of Adam" I've ever seen

Q: So I says to Q I says, that's not how you change the gravitational constant of the universe. This is how you do it but I forgot to carry the 1 and caused the entire Gorn race to sprout feathers.

Riker: You see that hickey right there? Yeah, not it!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Q: "Careful, Jean-Luc, or that might become an internet meme."

Picard: "And another thing: I am deeply disappointed this floor doesn't shine so much I can see my face in it....."

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: It's nice to see we have the largest starship crew ever in the history of Starfleet in this room. Anyone who says otherwise is just spouting "FAKE NEWS".

Picard: You've got shaving cream on you're face.

Data: Where?

Picard: Some there... a bit there... more over there...

Crusher: Data, it's all over.

Data: That is quite odd because I do not shave.

Riker, drunkenly: And I.. And I told him who do you [blelches] you think you are FuckoMcShitstain. I'M RIKER BITCH!!!!!!

[Riker passes out on table]

Troi: It's 9:00 AM I see.

Picard, slowly reading: My other ship is the Millennium Falcon. Ass, gas, or grass. Pimpmobile 9000 XL.
If the ship's a rockin' don't come a knockin'.

 

[Jedman67]

PICARD: "For centuries, mankind has looked to the stars, asking, 'what is out there?' And now we have come to the stars. And the stars have said to us 'what the heck are you guys doing here? Get back to earth you primitive monkeys'....Dammit Q, stop messing with my speech!!!"

 

[NinjaRaiden2005]

Picard (reading): "Killroy....Was.....Here."

Picard: I'd like to thank everyone for coming today. Since we have some time to kill before picking up the rest of the crew I would like to use this time to read my Marissa Picard fanfiction.

Beverly realizes this shipboard production of E.T. has a long way to go.

Q shows Picard the early reviews of The Emoji Movie..

Riker: OBJECTION!

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Picard: This is somehow all tied into that scandalous holonovel that surfaced just after our mission to Farpoint Station. Data, what was it called? It broke all records for downloads from Starfleet Apps.

Data: Ah! You must be thinking of The Dancing Doctor Does Deneb IV.

Picard: Yes! That's it!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Picard: "Do we have to fly underneath the ship? I can't help thinking that any minute now, she's going to...you know, all over the windshield."
Yar: "Sir, it's a starship, not a pigeon. (pause) Great. Now I can't get that image out of my head. Thanks."

Riker: "It was Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library!"
Troi: "What's going on here?"
Crusher: "We waited until he fell asleep and changed games."
Troi: "Again?"

Q: "And you thought the long dress uniforms were bad? This is what you'll all be wearing in ten years."

Picard: "It is my honor to present Lt. Worf with the Starfleet merit badge for basket weaving."
Worf: "Ahem. Bat'leth mastery!"
Picard: "If you insist, Mr. Worf. All I'll say is that I've never seen a wicker bat'leth before."

Crusher: "I'll never forgive you for talking him into that beard."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Q: Really, Jean-Luc. Did you really think I'd indulge in your silly human custom of Hide-and-Seek?

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Hi. I'm Captain Picard.

Everyone in room, flatly: Hi Captain Picard.

Picard: A hat rack? A piñata? Tupperware burping? Throw Momma From the Train?

Riker: You suck at charades.



EDIT: Removed what was an innocent joke when i posted it but due to the Charlottesville Nazi terror attack is now rather insensitive.

 

[Jedman67]

PICARD: "I just...I just can't. It's too hard...."
Q: "FIVE ACROSS, Jean-luc. The hint is 'WANTS YOUR JOB!' "

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: -- is that a scratch?
Yar: It'll buff right out, sir.

Picard: Doesn't this ship have a thousand people? Where are they?
Yar: We're doing it in phases, sir. This is group one of fifty.
Picard: ...it would have been nice to know I would be giving the same speech FIFTY TIMES before I wrote a fifteen-minute salutation, lieutenant.

Picard: Pinocchio! Where have ye been, boy?
Crusher: Wow, he really has lost his mind.

Q: Picard, my French is not that bad.

Riker, drunkenly: CRUSHER'S THE OLD MAID!
<hic> I mean, she's got the old maid. The card.
LaForge: Commander, we haven't even dealt the cards yet.