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Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #494: Spirit of Exploration

TFTWLH!
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Sirtis: *Thinking* KeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegs...


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Terraformer: And this is what the world will look like when we're done...the most beautiful planet in the GALAXY!


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Geordi: YOU. SHALL. NOT. PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Riker: I'm not sure if ther red shirts are still cursed, so you two can go into the dangerous situation first and we'll just hang back.


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Picard: And this is why you don't use the toilet whilst in space dock.
 
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WOMAN: We haven't had a Yar-is-a-Lez joke yet on this page.

TROI: Being a lesbian is not a joke this isn't funny.

YAR: THANK you, it's about--

TROI: Neither is living in denial, that is not healthy, it manifests as hyper-aggressive behavior and --

YAR: DAMN IT I AM NOT A LESBIAN!!
 
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Sirtis: *Thinking* KeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegsFirmlyClosedTogetherKeepLegs...

Frakes appears to be trying to project the exact opposite thought....
 
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Riker: Sir, couldn't we just settle our weekly disputes out of court?
Picard: Well we could if we hadn't evolved beyond the need for money.
Troi: But clearly we haven't eliminated economic competition of resources -
Picard: Evolved!
Riker: When you think about it, our positions on board this ship were purchased with valuable years of training and obedience to a complex system of justice based on millennia of economic conflicts. Why, even our autopilot could tell you about how there's always an economic cost to eras of high culture. Right Data?
Data: If I were alive I might be offended by that objectication, but as I am not, the shoe fits! I am a machine designed to imitate sapient judiciousness to such a degree as to be virtually indistinguishable from it. But y'all are talking to a bedpost right now. Sorry - "you all". And even I can tell you that there's always an economic cost involved in the competition for resources. Take for example the high cultural magnificence of artistic periods such as the 17th century Dutch Golden Age, characterized by the Baroque period. Your Rembrandts, your Caravaggios, your Vermeers. These artists who enrich our evolved culture even today were flourishing in the economic abundance of Northern European global trade, made possible by the international shipping interests of companies like the Dutch East India Trading Company - a huge imperial concern with interests in expansion and conquest that would later characterize the British Empire, by leveraging trade monopolies and large-scale wars in India and China; and the Dutch West India Trading Company, leveraging human trafficking from West Africa to the Americas in a slave trade that would come to threaten multiple continents and the birthplace of our own Marxist utopianism - sorry, constitutional democracy.

It was even estimated that plantations in the West Indian slave trade funded Europe's industrial revolution at the latter half of the nineteenth century by as much as one pound for every twenty. Remember, this is your evolved, automated Second Officer telling you this. As a result, we might want to go sparingly on describing our current "technopian" culture as having risen above the very economic brutality from which it continues to benefit. We may no longer conquer - but we are certainly the technological and economic heirs of traders and conquerors.

This is why I paint - to contemplate the human cost of our noble cultural evolution. But perhaps you would rather be enjoying your civilized tea and its origin in the blood-soaked conquest of Asia, than listening to my tangents, sir.
Picard: Erm, touché. But at least we're not the bloody Ferengi! Eh, Geordi? Eh?
Geordi: .........................................................................................................................
Riker: Um, the Alex Haley thing, remember sir....
 
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Picard: All this bare skin on my bridge. It's so bright I cannot see the view-screen properly . Okay, fine, We need some balance to my baldness. Counselor, Lt. Yar, Is this the 23rd century? put on some pants.
(Yar: Yes! I can stop shaving!)
Number one? Grow a beard.
I won't say 'engage' until you make it so.
 
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DATA: Hello Geordi
LAFORGE: Huh? I wasn't pretending to dance with my imaginary girlfriend!
DATA: I did not think so, but now that you have mentioned it...
 
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Brian Singer watching the show: You know who could be the leader of the Xmen? behold! He sits so poised like modeling a hallmark ornament. Just imagine the wheels. See Xavier? Let's cast him.
 
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Riker: "Check it out; he's coming up with another brilliant plan. It's like watching a master at work..."
Troi: "So...passionate. So...driven...so-"
Picard: "-up for a promotion?"
 
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Data: "Geordi, may I ask you a question about the MSD behind me?"
LaForge: "I'll probably regret this, but sure ask."
Data: "The display can show the location of any room or system on the ship, yes."
LaForge: "Yeah."
Data: "No matter how obscure or insignificant?"
LaForge: "Okay."
Data: "And there's only a dozen call-outs at the moment: "
LaForge: "About that."
Data: "One of them is the main bridge."
LaForge (looks over Data's shoulder): "I see it."
Data: "Don't you find it strange, that of all the places on the ship that could be identified, the main bridge is one of the few?'
LaForge: "Ummmm."
Data: "It's location is well know."
LaForge: "Gee ...."
Data: "And the main shuttle bay, not usually considered a critical area."
LaForge: " ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
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Terraformer: ...then when all of this is done, we'll colonize it. The place would be so well run and beautiful. Not like one of those failed colonies...like Turkana IV. Have you heard of it. I read about it once. Folks from there are complete morons and they stink really bad. I don't know what I'd do if I bumped into someone from there...
 
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Terraformer: Look closer in the detail, you can just make out the contintental divisions....
Troi: How does she get her hair to go that way?
Yar: What shade is that? Black Hole Black? Young Spock?
Riker: I wonder if she'd be more interested if I said I was growing a beard?
Terraformer: - and the subvolcanic metamucilege along the fractal misanthrope just here. So, what do you think?
Troi: Will the actual planet have that big bar around it?
 
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Jet Black Hair Girl: "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news: you can tell your Captain his artificial heart is all right after all -- it was just a false alarm."

Commander Beardless: "And the bad news?"

Jet Black Hair Girl: "This is an enlargement of one of his testicles. As you can see, they're old and worn out. He's got old sperm now. They're not so spritly. They swim into a womb and can't remember why they came in. They don't know what they're doing, who they are, where they're going; they have to stop every five minutes and ask directions. They don't want to break into any eggs and fertilize them, they want to watch 'Countdown' and do crosswords."
 
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[loud fart]

[Troi and Riker look at Picard]

Picard: It was the chair.


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Geordie: Damn it Data the warp core is about to blow! Now is not the time to test your "Runway Model Walking" subroutine.


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Geordie: DUDE! You should have seen the fish I caught! It was this big!


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Geordie: I've got a date tonight with the easiest person on the ship. [sings] I'm gonna have me some sex tonight!

Data: Bitch, please. You are going to strike out as usual and end up doing it with good old lefty and/or righty.

[Data continues to walk past him]
 
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Yar: Wait a minute, shouldn't I be in the lead as security chief?
Data; Not in this case, Lieutenant. I believe it would be safer if I went first.
Yar: Why?
Data: I am an android. You are only human.
 
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Luisa Kim: Cargo ship just dropped it off yesterday. It's supposed to be the nastiest sex toy in the quadrant.

Troi: That's horrible! The Federation is supposed to be beyond such disgusting...

Yar: I could stand to hear a little more.

Riker: You two want to be alone?

Yar: DAMMIT WILL, I SAID I'M NOT A...oh the hell with it.
 
Meanwhile, in Holodeck 2...

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Geordi: "Oh yeah, finally got a hot date tonight. Computer, activate program Hot Girl I just Met Yesterday but Was Too Awkward to Get it On With Number 69."

Computer: "Activating..."

AN ATTRACTIVE FEMALE MATERIALIZES.

Geordi: "Um hum, come to daddy..." Geordi puts his arms out.

THE WOMAN CHANGES INTO DATA.

Geordi: "AH! Data!"

Data: "I am sorry, commander, but your days of unethically programming holograms to look like women you are too weird to boink, are over. Starfleet has passed the Anti LaFroge Holodeck Act. Yo uare free, however, to get it on with me, as this is a program as my creation and I am still programmed in multiple techniques in holographic form."
 
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