Troi thinking - "Oh my... he is SO cute!"
Riker thinking - "Oh my... he is SO cute!"
Picard (inner monologue): "I am SO cute!"
Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #494: Spirit of Exploration
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Picard (inner monologue): "I am SO cute!"
Troi: Anyone else feeling a draft? Can we turn up the thermostat?
Riker: The temperature feels fine to me.
Tasha: I'm with Troi. It's too cold in here.
Picard: We'll have a vote. Who is for raising the temperature?
Troi and Tasha: Aye.
Picard: Who is for keeping them the same?
All men: Aye!
Troi: Can we at least change the female uniforms?
Riker: Don't be ridiculous.
Terraformer: This is where we bury the conservationists.
Geordi: Data, I just got a great idea for a new best friend handshake! And you have to join me for the Community holonovel. Playing Troy is like an out of body experience!
Data: Scans indicate this planet has not been visited for millions of years. Oh look, a well maintained staircase!
The view when somebody flushes the toilet.
Data: This is where the Starfleet away team discovered me.
Yar: Where, by that hobo orgy mattress pile? Or over there under the graffiti of that rapper grabbing his comically oversized crotch?
Data: No, over from that
Riker: Where, by that rack of showgirl costumes made out of woven reeds and rat fur?
Geordi: No Commander, I think he means between that menagerie of dog skeletons and the huge stack of Tellerite porn magazines.
Worf: Where, near the rocks stained with what appears to be fecal matter flung by humanoid hands?
Yar: Right, where someone built that fort out of lady mannequins with all the boobs crudely drawn on.
Riker: What, beside the life-sized mural of Whistler's Mother naked?
Yar: No, you've gone too far. Look, do you see where those ass prints in the clay lead to that tree of jock straps? It's just there, under that big wall of crappy abstract paintings that look like the bottom of an outhouse pit behind a rabid monkey shit factory.
Riker: OH! By that shelf of men's size twelve high heel shoes?
Geordi: No by that mop wearing a mesh bikini filled with rags under the sign that says "MISS ALPHA QUADRANT" in all caps.
Data: Racquel!
Thanks, LeadHead and we're glad to have you back.
Picard: Some problem, Riker?
Riker: Just hoping this isn't the usual way our missions will go, sir.
Picard: Oh no, Number One. I'm sure most will be much more interesting.
Riker: How so, Sir?
Picard: I don't know. Maybe we'll all contract a similar disease to the one that Kirk's Enterprise that makes everyone drunk. Or perhaps we'll meet the Ferengi or Worf, Doctor Crusher, and I will become possessed by an electrical alien creature, or we'll have to save Wesley from the death penalty on a planet because he steps on some flowers, or a Ferengi will force me to relive the "Battle of Maxia, or Q might give you powers like his, or...
Riker: I think I get it. Like, what if Yar is abducted and forced to fight for her freedom. Or what if an alien creature that looks like tar kills her.
Picard: First of all, Number One, those are ridiculous ideas. Secondly, what do you have against Tasha?
Luisa Kim: Progress is going slowly, but it's amazing to see a planet gradually be terraformed.
Riker: Genesis could do it overnight.
Luisa Kim: I'm sorry? Genesis?
Riker: Sure David Marcus used protomatter, but we've had the better part of a century to figure that out.
Troi: Ignore him. That smug look means he's been reading classified material again.
LaForge: Right this way, sir. I have your table prepared for you. Your waiter will be right with you. Until then, for a cocktail, I suggest our very own "Warp Core Coolant" signature drink and and for an appetizer, perhaps some isolinear chips?
Data: ...and this was my room. I used to come down here, blast some Beethoven, read some engineering manuals. Really cut loose. I was such a rambunctious adolescent!
Picard: Captain's Log--When I have a "senior moment" and forget what order I wanted to give, I like to comment on just how beautiful space is and how we should all take a moment and just enjoy the view. However, during the Red Alert, it probably wasn't the best of times to point out the lovely vista. Incidentally, I must remember to write to the families of the 218 crew members who died today when I didn't give my order quickly enough. Oh well, space really is pretty.
Picard: Some problem, Riker?
Riker: Just hoping this isn't the usual way our missions will go, sir.
Picard: Oh no, Number One. I'm sure most will be much more interesting.
Riker: How so, Sir?
Picard: I don't know. Maybe we'll all contract a similar disease to the one that Kirk's Enterprise that makes everyone drunk. Or perhaps we'll meet the Ferengi or Worf, Doctor Crusher, and I will become possessed by an electrical alien creature, or we'll have to save Wesley from the death penalty on a planet because he steps on some flowers, or a Ferengi will force me to relive the "Battle of Maxia, or Q might give you powers like his, or...
Riker: I think I get it. Like, what if Yar is abducted and forced to fight for her freedom. Or what if an alien creature that looks like tar kills her.
Picard: First of all, Number One, those are ridiculous ideas. Secondly, what do you have against Tasha?
Luisa Kim: Progress is going slowly, but it's amazing to see a planet gradually be terraformed.
Riker: Genesis could do it overnight.
Luisa Kim: I'm sorry? Genesis?
Riker: Sure David Marcus used protomatter, but we've had the better part of a century to figure that out.
Troi: Ignore him. That smug look means he's been reading classified material again.
LaForge: Right this way, sir. I have your table prepared for you. Your waiter will be right with you. Until then, for a cocktail, I suggest our very own "Warp Core Coolant" signature drink and and for an appetizer, perhaps some isolinear chips?
Data: ...and this was my room. I used to come down here, blast some Beethoven, read some engineering manuals. Really cut loose. I was such a rambunctious adolescent!
Picard: Captain's Log--When I have a "senior moment" and forget what order I wanted to give, I like to comment on just how beautiful space is and how we should all take a moment and just enjoy the view. However, during the Red Alert, it probably wasn't the best of times to point out the lovely vista. Incidentally, I must remember to write to the families of the 218 crew members who died today when I didn't give my order quickly enough. Oh well, space really is pretty.
Troi: (Telepathically to Riker) We're totally getting it on in his chair when he's not around
Riker: (Telepathically) We should probably never do this telepathy thing again after today
Engineer: Commander Riker, Would you like to join me in playing this game? It's quite stimulating
Troi: Good try lady. He's not stupid enough to fall for that old trick
Geordi: Down low!
Data: If your assumption is that I am too slow, you are mistaken, Geordi
Data: It is quite fortunate that the water deposits emanating from this rock face were so evenly distributed as to create a natural staircase
Picard: Merde... The pixels are going on the left side
Picard voiceover: "Captain's log, supplemental: ever since the fore saucer camera was upgraded to 4k ultra HD, I find myself unable to use any of the other cameras because I'm a lazy picky bastard who isn't happy enough with the really good quality prior to that. Oh, and a couple of crew members died, but I didn't have time to attend, so I used an internal 4k ultra HD camera to view the service. Those were the best looking high definition corpses I've ever seen."
Commander Gordon Ramsay: "Fuck me! You call this an Engineering? There's a bloody billard table in the middle and I have more balls than it does!"
Riker: Are you...going to give the order to go ahead and turn off that left blinker, sir?
Picard: Remember intermissions at movies?
B
BadMoonRising
Guest
WOMAN: "So a prostitute, a dyke and a Starfleet Officer walk into a lab and --"
YAR: "I'm not a whore!"
TROI: "Who are you calling a dyke?!"
RIKER: "Shush let her finish the joke."
B
BadMoonRising
Guest
(take two...)
WOMAN: "So a prostitute, a dyke and a Starfleet Officer walk into a lab and --"
YAR: "She's not a whore!"
TROI: "I'm not a dyke either!"
YAR: "Hey wait a --
RIKER: "Shush let her finish the joke."
WOMAN: "It's not a joke I'm making a log entry."
LaForge: Awww Yeah! We saved the ship again! Slap me some skin, Data!
Data: My outer shell is not technically skin, but a synthetic polymer compound designed to...
LaForge: Awww Yeah! We saved the ship again! Slap me some syn, Data!
(take two...)
WOMAN: "So a prostitute, a dyke and a Starfleet Officer walk into a lab and --"
YAR: "She's not a whore!"
TROI: "I'm not a dyke either!"
YAR: "Hey wait a --
RIKER: "Shush let her finish the joke."
WOMAN: "It's not a joke I'm making a log entry."
Yar: "That's what he sa--"
Troi: "NO!" slapping Tasha.
B
BadMoonRising
Guest
WOMAN: "BadMoon just logged in and is posting another Yar Is A Lesbian joke..."
YAR: "DAMN IT I AM NOT A LESBIAN!"
TROI: "Denial is not just a river in Egypt, Tasha."
RIKER: "Is that your professional diagnosis?"
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